Kitty Karry-All is Missing
Written by Al Schwartz and Bill Freedman
Cindy loses her favorite doll, Kitty -Karry-All. She accuses Bobby of stealing it after he expresses his dislike of the doll. Eventually Bobby is cleared and the real culprit is found. I hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
MR. DRISCOLL, toy shop owner
(The episode begins with a view of the house from outside. We cut into the family room, with Cindy rocking her doll, Kitty Karry-All, and singing it to sleep.)
Cindy (singing): Rock a bye baby, on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come cradle, baby and all.
(Carol looks on delightedly from the kitchen while Mike comes out, ready to leave for a golf game.)
Mike: See you later, honey.
Carol: Mike, take a look at this.
Mike (laughing): Cindy really loves that doll.
Carol (showing him a doll’s bottle): Do you know this is the ninth bottle she’s feeding her today.
Mike: You better get some of those little diapers ready.
Carol (laughing): Have a good time, dear.
(She and Mike kiss.)
Mike: Have fun around the house.
Carol: I’ll start by straightening up the kids room.
(Cindy continues to sing to her doll while Bobby comes in tooting a kazoo, along with Tiger.)
Bobby: Why do I gotta shh?
Cindy: Because I’m putting my baby to sleep, that’s why.
Bobby: That’s no baby. That’s just a dopey old doll.
Cindy: You stop that. Kitty Karry-All doesn’t make noise when you’re taking a nap.
Cindy: Stop that, Tiger. you’ll wake up Kitty.
(She resumes singing to the doll.)
Bobby: I don’t know who asked that stupid old doll to come live here anyway.
Cindy: I did.
Bobby: Well, I didn’t. And I wish she’d move out and never come back.
Cindy: You stop that, you’ll hurt her feelings.
Bobby: She hasn’t got any feelings, she’s full of sawdust or rags or something. I can’t even practice kazoo anymore.
(He leaves the room and Cindy puts her doll down on the couch.)
Cindy: Now you be a good little girl while Mommy gets your bottle.
(Cindy goes into the kitchen to get a bottle for her doll.)
Cindy: Here we are. (She walks back in the family room) Now, I want you to drink this whole bottle so you’ll have nice strong…
(She realizes that the doll is gone.)
Cindy: Kitty! Kitty! Where are you? Mommy!
(Carol runs in the family room.)
Carol: Cindy, honey, what’s wrong?
Cindy: She was here and now she’s gone.
Carol: Who was here and now she’s gone?
Cindy: Kitty, she’s been kidnapped!
(Bobby comes in tooting his kazoo.)
Cindy: He did! He’s the one who did it!
(Bobby gives an innocent look while the scene fades out.)
(The next scene picks up where we left off, with Cindy accusing Bobby of stealing her doll.)
Cindy: He took my doll!
Bobby: I did not!
Carol: Maybe there’s a simple explanation for this.
Cindy: There is, he took it.
Carol: Maybe you put her down someplace.
Cindy: No, I didn’t. Kitty was right here on the couch, then she was gone, and he was gone too.
Bobby: I just walked into the other room to toot my kazoo, because I like to walk when I toot.
Cindy: I’m gonna tell Daddy on him.
Carol: Sweetheart, Daddy’s gone to play golf. Anyway, we don’t want to bother Daddy about this on his day off. Maybe we can figure out what happened.
Cindy: I told you what happened, he took it.
Bobby: I didn’t
(He blasts the kazoo in her face. Cut up to the boys room.
Greg: Come on, Bobby. you can tell us.
Peter: Where did you hide Cindy’s doll.
Bobby: I didn’t hide it, like I told Mom.
Greg; Would you swear to it? The sacred oath?
Bobby: Even under the sacred oath.
Peter: Boy, that proves he didn’t take it. No, sir.
(Cut to the girls room.)
Marcia: Are you sure Bobby took it?
Cindy: Sure I am, he hated Kitty.
Jan: I heard him say it lots of times.
Cindy: And she didn’t even have her bottle, she’ll starve to death.
Marcia (taking her by the hand): Come on.
Jan: Where are we going?
Marcia: We’re going to get that doll back.
Jan (taking her other hand): Yeah.
(Back to the boys room.)
Peter: If Bobby didn’t take it, Cindy shouldn’t say he did.
Greg: Right. Come on, she can’t accuse him and get away with it.
(The girls enter the boys room through the bathroom.)
Marcia: Bobby, you bring back Kitty or…
(They realize he’s not in the room while the boys come in the girls room through the door.)
Greg: Now listen here, Cindy, you… (They realize she’s not in the room either) Come on.
(They go into the bathroom where the girls are from leaving the boys room and they all argue.)
Marcia: Bobby, you bring Kitty back!
Greg: You stop picking on him!
Jan: What did you do with her?
Peter: He didn’t do anything with her!
Cindy: He did too!
Bobby: I did not!
Marcia: He did so!
Greg: He did not so!
Marcia: Oh, yeah?
(Mike and Carol enter the bathroom through the front door.)
Mike: Hey! Hey! Hey! What’s going on here?
Marcia: He took it!
Greg: He did not!
Jan: He did!
Mike: Hold it!
(The kids silence themselves.)
Mike: Will somebody fill me in?
Carol: Well, Cindy’s doll is missing and the girls think Bobby took it?
Mike: Well, Bobby?
Bobby: I didn’t take it.
Marcia: He did too!
(The kids start erupting in argument again.)
Mike: Cut! (The kids quiet down) All right, everybody into his room. Come on. Hurry up, hop to it.
(The kids go into their rooms while still arguing.)
Greg: Bobby didn’t take the doll, he didn’t do it!
Mike: Quiet! (He shuts both bedroom doors) Let’s just settle down in there. Come on, settle down. (He turns to Carol) Honey, I know Bobby, if he says he didn’t take the doll, I believe him.
Cindy: Well, Cindy always tells the truth too.
Mike: Oh, well, I believe he thinks he took the doll but maybe she dropped it somewhere. You know how kids are always misplacing things.
Carol: Well, that’s true. you know, one time Marcia lost her left shoe and a month later, we found it in the freezer.
Mike: I’m going to talk to the kids again.
Carol: It won’t do any good, Mike. I’ve talked to them and they don’t know where it is.
Mike: Okay, then we’ll search the house from top to bottom until we find the doll. (He and Carol open the bedroom doors) All right kids, let’s fall in for search detail. Come on, hop to it. Come on. (The kids come out of their rooms) Come on, come on, hurry up. Let’s go. Come on, girls.
(In the next scene, Mike is down in the kitchen looking for the doll while Alice is cooking something.)
Alice: Can I help you, Mr. Brady?
Mike (looing in the refrigerator): No thanks, Alice.
Alice: What are you looking for?
Mike: A doll.
Alice: In the refrigerator?
Mike: Why not? It would have to be here as anywhere.
(He looks inside the oven.)
Alice: What are you looking for now?
Mike: The same doll.
Alice: If I knew you wanted a doll so bad, I would’ve baked one.
(Mike ignores the remark while he continues to look.)
Alice: Still looking for that doll?
Alice: Mr. Brady, it’s none of my business, but next time you play golf, maybe you better wear a sun bonnet.
Mike (walking away): I gotta find that doll.
(Alice sees Carol also looking for the doll.)
Alice: Mrs. Brady, what are you doing?
Carol: Alice, you’ll never guess what I’m looking for.
Alice: A doll?
Carol: How did you know?
Alice: There’s a lot of that going around?
(Cut to the girls room.)
Marcia (reaching under the bed): I found it! I found it!
Marcia: No, the earring I lost last week!
Jan (reaching in her drawer): My skate key, I thought I’d never see it again!
Cindy: Well, we have to look some more.
(The girls head out of the door as Alice comes in and notices the mess they made.)
Marcia: You know, we did all we could up here.
Alice: You sure have.
(Cut to the boys room.)
Bobby (to himself): Let’s see, if I was a doll, where would I go?
Greg: To me, sweetheart!
Peter: That’s all you ever think about, girls.
Greg: Never mind that. Keep looking.
Peter: There’s nothing over here!
Greg: Well it’s gotta be someplace. Try someplace else.
(Peter walks up to Bobby, who seems to have found something.)
Peter: What did you find?
Bobby: Oh, Nothing.
Peter: Come on, what is it?
Bobby: Nothing. Just an old candy bar I lost a long time ago.
Peter: How do you know it’s yours? I once lost one too.
Bobby: Was yours dark chocolate with almonds?
Peter: Yeah, that’s the one.
Bobby: Well too bad, this one’s vanilla fudge. Nahhhh.
Greg: Come on, guys. there’s no doll around here.
(They leave the room with Alice coming in there as well.)
Alice: Did you get the license plate of the truck that went through here?
(The boys are walking down the stairs.)
Greg: Dog gone it, we lost the whole morning looking for that stupid doll.
Peter: What if Dad makes us keep looking forever.
Greg: Oh, no.
Bobby: I’m glad she’s gone, I hated that doll.
Greg: Maybe Cindy was right, maybe you did take it after all.
Bobby (defiantly): I didn’t.
Greg: Come on, Peter. What does he care if we never have any fun again.
Bobby: Hey, what about me?
Greg: Yeah, what about you.
(Greg and Peter walk away from Bobby as we cut into the next scene, which has the kids out in the backyard wondering what to do next while Carol looks on from inside. Mike comes over.)
Mike: One thing’s sure, it isn’t in the house, I searched every nook and cranny.
Carol: Mike, look at this.
(Bobby walks over to join the other kids.)
Bobby: Can I play?
Jan: Get out of here, nobody wants you. Go on.
(Bobby walks away.)
Carol: That’s not fair, they’re treating Bobby as if he were a criminal.
Marcia (to the other kids): We gotta do something about that doll.
Mike: This has gone far enough.
(The next scene has Mike talking to Greg and Marcia outside in the yard.)
Mike: I want you to pay very careful attention to what I’m about to say, I’m talking to you two because you’re the oldest. You see, in this country, we are very proud to have a process known as the law. And under the law, a man is presumed innocent until proven guilty.
Marcia: Right, Dad.
Mike: In other words, we don’t hang anybody without a fair trial.
Greg: Everybody knows that.
Mike: Sure, but sometimes we tend to forget. I’m glad you understand. I’ll see you kids later, I have to go shopping with your mother.
(Mike gets up and leaves.)
Greg: You know something, Dad’s right. We don’t know for sure Bobby’s guilty. Nobody saw him take that doll.
Marcia: Right, let’s give him a fair trial.
Marcia: Then we’ll hang him.
(Marcia gets up and walks away, causing a puzzled look from Greg.)
(The next scene has Greg and Marcia asking a reluctant Alice to be the judge at their trial.)
Alice: Come on, kids. I haven’t got time to fool around.
Greg: But Alice, we need a judge.
Marcia: Mom and Dad aren’t home.
Alice: Okay, okay, but no loopholes, no long habeas corpuses, I’ve got a pot roast in the oven.
Greg: Thanks, Alice. (He, Alice and Marcia go out to the living room) We got it all set up. You sit up there.
Alice: Oyez, oyez, oyez. Court is now in session, Judge Alice presiding.
Marcia: I’ll be the D.A. because everybody knows he’s guilty.
Greg: I object. There’s something illegal about that.
Alice: Come on, come on, let’s get this case on the road.
Marcia (to Peter and Jan): You two are the jury.
Alice: Order in the court. Okay, D.A., call your first witness.
Marcia: My first witness is Cindy herself. (She goes over and takes Cindy by the hand) Cindy, sit down here. (Cindy sits) Now tell the jury what happened in your own words.
Cindy: Well, Kitty’s gone and Bobby took her because nobody else was there, and those are my own words.
Jan: Does that mean we vote guilty now?
Bobby: Hey, I want a chance to say something.
Alice: Barrister, you may proceed.
Greg: Okay, defendant, what’s your name?
Bobby: You know my name.
Greg: I know, but I want the jury to hear it.
Bobby: They know my name too, everyone here knows my name.
Marcia: Let me at him. (to Bobby): Where were you on the night of March 9?
Bobby; Before or after 9 o’clock.
Marcia: What difference does it make?
Bobby: I’m not allowed up past 9 o’clock.
Marcia: He’s guilty all right.
Bobby: I am not guilty, I didn’t take that doll no matter what she says, I wouldn’t do a thing like that. Maybe we fight sometimes, but, Cindy’s my sister and I just wouldn’t do a thing like that.
Alice: Well jury, it’s deliberating time, and make it snappy, I can smell that pot roast from here.
(Peter and Jan whisper to each other while Marcia and Greg discuss the assumed outcome.)
Marcia: I know Jan will vote guilty.
Greg: Peter and Bobby are just like that, he wouldn’t vote against him.
Alice (to Peter and Jan): Have you reached a verdict?
Jan: Yes, your honor, I vote not guilty.
Marcia: You mean guilty, you’ve been saying all along he was guilty.
Jan: I changed my mind after his speech.
Greg (to Bobby): I knew I’d pull you through.
(He shakes his hand.)
Peter: Just a minute, I vote he’s guilty.
Greg: That’s immaterial. A while ago you said he was innocent.
Peter: So what? I did a lot of deliberating and he’s guilty.
Alice: Well, it looks like we got a hung jury.
Cindy: Alice, something’s burning.
Alice: My pot roast! Case dismissed!
(She and the kids run to the kitchen and Alice takes the burned roast out of the oven.)
Alice: Now I know why judges get paid so much, they have to keep buying new pot roasts.
(The next scene has Greg and Bobby playing catch in the backyard as Mike and Carol return home.)
Greg: Harder, come on Bobby, burn it in.
Mike: Hey, Greg’s playing with Bobby. That talk about fair play seemed to do some good.
Greg: Hey, Dad. (He runs over to him) Dad.
Greg: Would you burn some in to me, Bobby can’t even dent my glove.
Mike: Maybe later, Greg. Why don’t you ask Peter, he’s a good pitcher.
Greg: Yeah, a good pitcher but a rotten jury. Come on, Bobby.
(Greg and Bobby run off.)
Carol: What’s that about?
Mike: Don’t ask me, I only live here.
(Marcia comes out.)
Marcia: Mom, will you ask Jan to give me back my curlers?
Carol: Why don’t you ask her yourself.
Marcia: Me, talk to Benedict Arnold, I’d sooner be disbarred.
Mike: What’s that about?
Carol: Don’t ask me, I only live here.
(In the next scene, Mike is working in his den while Carol comes in to share the day’s events with him.)
Mike: Yeah, honey.
Carol: I’m sorry about dinner.
Mike: That’s okay honey.
Carol: Well, I’m afraid it wasn’t exactly a gourmet’s delight.
Mike: Oh, I don’t know. One doesn’t get charcoal broiled charcoal every day.
Carol: Well, at least we know why. You can’t be a good chef and a judge at the same time.
Mike: Yeah, what’s the latest communique from the front?
Carol: Well, let’s see. Marcia isn’t talking to Jan because she voted against her. Greg isn’t talking to Peter because he voted against him. On the other hand, Bobby is talking to Jan because she voted for him. On the other hand, Cindy still is angry at Bobby because she is sure he took Kitty. On the other hand….
Mike: Wait a minute, that’s five hands.
Carol: Well, we have a big family.
Mike: Poor Cindy went to bed right after dinner.
Carol: I think we should look in on her.
Mike: Yeah, good idea.
(Cut up to the girls room, with Cindy in bed.)
Mike (to Cindy): Ready to say your prayers, honey?
(Cindy gets out of bed and kneels down.)
Cindy: Please, God. Bless Mommy and Daddy and Alice and Greg and Marcia and Peter and Jan, and even Bobby. And God bless Kitty Karry-All, wherever she is.
(Cindy sounds like she will start crying and gets back into bed. Carol kisses her good night as does Mike. They turn her light out and leave the room.)
(The next scene brings us to the next day, with Bobby tooting his kazoo and heading into the family room. Cindy, meanwhile, is using her coloring book and Bobby spots a new toy elephant.)
Bobby (to Cindy): Hey, where did he come from?
Cindy: From Africa. Mommy bought him for me.
Bobby: He looks groovy. (He uses the device to have it flip over) Neat-o.
(Tiger runs in the family room barking.)
Bobby: Beat it, Tiger. Dogs don’t belong in the jungle. Scram! Scoot!
(Tiger gets off the couch and under the end table. Bobby has the elephant flip over again.)
Bobby: Boy, he’s the smartest elephant I ever saw.
Cindy: He’s not half as smart as Kitty, she used to talk to me all the time.
Bobby: She never talked to me.
Cindy: That’s because you were mean to her, and you took her away.
Bobby: You better not say that! I had a fair trial and they said I was immaterial!
Cindy: They did not, it was a hanged up jury!
(She storms out of the room. Bobby plays with the elephant more.)
Bobby: Over again, Jumbo. (The elephant does another flip) Wait a minute, I’ll play you some music. (He finds his kazoo is missing) Where’s my kazoo? (He looks around but can’t find it) Dad! Dad! My kazoo, it’s gone! It was right here and…. (Cindy walks back in) You took it! You took my kazoo!
Cindy: I did not.
Bobby: You did so!
Mike (walking in the room): All right, all right. Now, what’s up, Bobby.
Bobby: She took my kazoo.
Cindy: I did not.
Mike: Now, just a minute. Maybe you put it in your pocket.
Bobby: No, I didn’t. I’ll show you.
(He empties his pockets with a bunch of objects, including a yo-yo, miniature ping-pong racket and ball, a matchbox car and padlock)
Mike: Is that it?
Bobby: Just about, I have one more pocket to go.
(He empties his other pocket with other small items.)
Mike: Sure you don’t have your bicycle in there? (Bobby continues to empty his pocket) Anything else?
Bobby: Just a couple more things. (He takes a couple more items out) There, that proves she took my kazoo.
Mike: No, that proves no such thing. If Cindy said she didn’t take it, I believe her, just like I believed you when you said you didn’t take her doll.
Cindy: But Daddy.
Mike: Come here, Cindy, sit down. (He sits down and has them sit with him) I want to tell you something. Sometimes we can be deceived by circumstantial evidence.
Bobby: Circum special?
Mike: Circumstantial, that’s when things look different than they really are.
Cindy: Like when a lady puts on false eyelashes?
Mike: Well, something like that. You see, now each one of you knows that he’s innocent, but the way things look, they think the other one’s guilty.
Bobby: And that’s not right?
Mike: No, no, far from it. Do you know sometimes innocent men go to jail because of circumstantial evidence?
Bobby: Okay, then I believe Cindy is innocent.
Cindy: And I believe Bobby is innocent, even if he’s guilty.
(Cindy walks out while Carol comes in.)
Carol: Well, I wish I had better news to report but I searched the house again, no doll, no kazoo.
Mike: Oh, well, Bobby seems to be bearing up a little better than Cindy.
Bobby: Well, I guess girls must love dolls more than boys love kazoos.
Carol: You know, you’re a very smart boy Bobby, because that’s true. I remember when I was a little girl I lost my favorite doll and I cried for over a week.
Bobby: Boy, you must have got everybody in the house wet.
Carol (laughing): I think I did.
Mike: I don’t think we ought to give up, I think we oughtta keep on searching, they’re bound to turn up.
Carol: Okay. (They all get up) Come on, Bobby.
(The next scene has Bobby in his room. He goes to get his piggy bank. Then we see him down at Driscoll’s Toy Shop. Mr. Driscoll, the owner, is waiting on a young girl and her mother.)
Mr. Driscoll: There you are, young lady. I’m sure you’re going to have a lot of fun with this. (He turns to her mother) Thank you, ma’am. Come again. (He walks over to Bobby) Hello there, young man. Can I help you?
Bobby: Yeah, I wanna buy something for my sister, even though she said I did and I didn’t.
Mr. Driscoll: What?
Bobby: It’s called circum special or something, and it’s real bad, even if Cindy doesn’t understand because she’s so young.
Mr. Driscoll: Well, she’s lucky to have a brother like you.
Bobby: You’re not kidding, she lost a doll named Kitty and (He notices a Kitty-Karry All doll over the counter) Kitty! That’s Kitty-Karry-All!
Mr. Driscoll: And that’s the last one I have, keep running out.
Bobby: Boy, will Cindy be happy, I’ll take it.
Mr. Driscoll: Okay. (Bobby starts emptying his piggy bank) You mean, you’re willing to spend so much money on your sister?
Bobby: My whole life savings. Have I got enough?
Mr. Driscoll: Let’s see. (He counts the money with Bobby) Just enough and three cents over. How’s that?
Mr. Driscoll : There we are. Bye bye now.
(Back at the house, Bobby gives Cindy the new doll in the family room, with Mike, Carol and Tiger in presence.)
Bobby: And I’m not giving this to you because I like you or anything, it’s just that, well, my piggy bank was getting full and I had to buy something.
(He runs out of the room.)
Carol: Now isn’t it wonderful to have a brother like that?
Mike: And it’s not even your birthday. Oh, I think Kitty is trying to say something. (He picks the doll up) Come here, Kitty, what’s that? (He puts it up to his ear) You want your mommy to hold you? (He hands it to Cindy) Here.
Carol: Would you like me to fix her bottle and then you can put her to bed?
(Cindy mumbles yes. Then she tries to rock it.)
Cindy: Rock a bye baby on the (Pause) I’m sorry, but it’s not my kitty.
(She gets up and walks out of the room.)
Carol: But honey, she’s exactly the same.
Mike: They’re like twins.
Carol: It’s only a matter of getting used to her. You’ll see, in no time at all she’ll be just (Pause) Oh, Mike, what are we gonna do? She’s heartbroken.
Mike: Give her a little time, like you said, she’ll get used to her.
(Tiger grabs the new doll and takes off with it.)
Carol and Mike: Tiger!
Carol: Tiger, come back here!
(Mike whistles for Tiger to stop. However, he runs through the backyard as they follow.)
Mike: Maybe he’s over in the neighbor’s yard.
Carol: Oh no, the gate’s locked.
Mike: Well, let’s try the backyard, maybe he’s back there.
Carol: Tiger! (She sees Cindy out there) Cindy, have you seen Tiger?
Mike: Maybe he’s in the doghouse, let’s try there.
Carol: Okay, Tiger!
Bobby (coming outside): What’s going on?
Carol: Oh, we can’t find Tiger.
Mike (going into the doghouse): Tiger, you dummy dog.
(He reaches in and takes Bobby’s kazoo out and give sit to him.)
Bobby (excited): My kazoo!
Mike: What do we have here?
(He takes the two dolls out. Cindy picks up the original one)
Cindy (ecstatic): My Kitty!
(She gives it a hug.)
Mike (angry): All right, Tiger! Come on out of there! (Tiger starts to come out but balks) Come on. Tiger. (Tiger starts going back in) Come on back! (Tiger comes out and goes up to him) Now, sit. (Tiger sits) Tiger, you oughtta be ashamed of yourself.
Carol: Mike, aren’t you convicting Tiger without a fair trial?
Mike (laughing): Yeah, you’re right. Tiger, you’ve been accused of doll-napping nd kazoo snatching, how do you plea?
(Tiger raises his paws and makes a whiny sound while Mike and Carol laugh. the scene fades out.)
(The final scene has Mike and Carol discussing the events of the day.)
Mike: I’m glad today is behind us, I still can’t understand how a child can get so attached to an inanimate object.
Carol: I guess everybody’s like that.
Mike: Well, kids, maybe.
Carol: I’m sure glad you’re not.
Mike: What do you mean by that?
Carol: Well dear, I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you this.
Mike: Tell me what?
Carol: You know your golf club?
Mike: Which one?
Carol: The one you made the hole in one with?
Mike; What about it?
Carol: Well, I looked everywhere for it but it just disappeared, vanished.
Mike: Not my lucky seven iron! I might as well give up golf, that was my favorite club. Ah, well, I’m sunk now.
(Carol take sit from beside the bed and give sit to him.)
Carol: Now, do you understand?
Mike: I certainly do. (Carol laughs) Good night, dear.
(He puts the club beside him and goes to sleep facing the other way.)
Carol: Michael Brady.
(They laugh and he kisses her good night while the scene fades.)