S1 E10 Every Boy Does It Once

Written by Lois  & Arnold Peyser

Bobby is convinced Carol will be a mean stepmother after watching Cinderella. He then starts to think nobody loves him and decides to run away. I hope you enjoy the script.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

CAST OF CHARACTERS
MIKE BRADY
CAROL BRADY
ALICE NELSON
GREG BRADY
MARCIA BRADY
PETER BRADY
JAN BRADY
BOBBY BRADY
CINDY BRADY

ANNOUNCER on television

MAN at bike shop

(The episode begins with Bobby and Cindy watching Cinderella on television in the family room.)

Announcer: And so, Cinderella lived happily ever after in spite of her mean stepmother and having to clean the chimney and sweeping the fireplace. Tune in next week, boys and girls…

(Bobby gets up to turn the TV off.)

Bobby: Who cares?

Cindy: Why did you turn it off? Maybe it wasn’t over about Cinderella.

Bobby: When they talk about next week, it’s over.

Cindy: I loved Cinderella, didn’t you?

Bobby: Nope.

Cindy: Why not?

Bobby: That whole thing about the mean stepmother. Boy, they can be mean.

Cindy: You’re lucky, on account of having my mother for your stepmother. She’s not mean.

Bobby: So far.

Cindy: I’m not worried and I have a stepfather.

Bobby: Who ever heard of a mean stepfather? It’s only the mother who’s famous for mean.

Cindy; Now do you think my mother would ever do all the rotten things Cinderella’s stepmother did?

Bobby: No, I guess not.

Carol (walking in): Bobby dear, would you do me a favor? Save Alice some work and clean out the fireplace?

(The scene fades.)

(We move into the next scene, which has Carol having Bobby try on some old clothes from Greg and Peter.)

Carol: Now I think if we just shorten these sleeves a bit, that eliminates the wrist.

Bobby: This one’s Greg’s.

Carol: Oh, I know dear, but it will look beautiful.

Bobby: It will still be Greg’s.

Mike: No it won’t, it’ll be yours, and wait till you see what your mother does with it.

Bobby: In the store, everything’s new.

Mike: In the store, everything costs money.

Carol: Hey, wait till you see what I do to the knees of Peter’s pants. Leather patches, just like hunters wear.

Bobby: They’ll still be hand-me-downs.

Mike (laughing): Oh, is that what’s stuck in your craw?

Bobby: Maybe, what’s a craw?

Mike: Well, it’s just an expression meaning what’s bothering you?

Carol: They’ll look brand new, Bobby.

Bobby: How come Greg and Peter aren’t here getting hand-me-downs?

Carol: They’re over at Gordie’s house.

Bobby: They didn’t even say good-bye.

Mike: Well, you were watching a television show with Cindy.

Bobby: They could have said good-bye during the commercial?

Carol: You’re right sweetheart, they should have said good-bye. Hey, how about trying on these pants with that shirt, okay? Go ahead.

(Bobby walks in the next room.)

Carol: I wonder why Bobby seems so upset this evening.

Mike: Maybe something happened at school.

(Marcia and Jan come down the stairs.)

Jan: Okay, which one of Marcia’s sweaters do I end up with this year?

Marcia: Give her my blue one.

Jan: Your blue one’s faded!

Carol: We’ll dip it, peacock blue. It’ll be gorgeous.

Marcia: Give her my green one, I’ll keep the blue one.

Mike: You girls let your mother work it out.

Marcia: How about yours, Mom, when am I gonna start getting your sweaters?

Carol: A little later, dear, after you filled out a bit.

Marcia: Mother, may I remind you there is a male in the room?

Mike: Oh, I didn’t hear a word she said.

Jan: Then how come you answered?

Mike: Kids these days are just too darn smart.

Marcia: After we’re finished, can we go to the movies with Nancy and Carla Dittmeyer?

Jan: There Dad’s gonna go there and pick them up and drive them home.

Carol: Well, I suppose so, it is Friday night. (She turns to Mike) Okay, dear?

Mike; What kind of movie?

Marcia: One that’s rated acceptable for children.

Mike: It must have been made before 1950.

Jan: Well as soon as the movie’s over, we’ll go home.

(Bobby returns.)

Bobby: You guys going to the movies?

Marcia: Hi and bye small fry.

Jan: See you later.

Bobby: Can’t I go too?

Carol: Ah, sweetheart, you’re much too young to stay out that late, when you’re older.

Marcia: Besides, we couldn’t take you looking like that.

Jan: Of course not, who’d look at the screen?

(They both giggle and leave. Bobby goes into the kitchen I his new clothes.)

Alice: Hey, those pants are great. I won’t need this mop if you promise to slide around the floor for a while.

Bobby: You’re making fun of me too.

Alice: I wouldn’t make fun of you, I was just kidding.

Bobby: I didn’t think that was funny.

Alice: Even Bob Hope misses out once in a while. (Bobby starts to walk away slowly) Just a minute, sweetie, what’s the matter?

Bobby: I got something in my craw.

Alice: Your craw?

Bobby: Well, that’s what Dad says.

(Alice puts her arm around him and they walk.)

Alice: Well, whatever it is, you can tell me. (She goes to sit down) After all, I’ve known you since the day you were born.

Bobby; Say, that’s right, Alice. You’re my real housekeeper and you’re only a step housekeeper to them.

Alice: Hmm?

Bobby: The girls. You’re their step housekeeper, and nobody likes steps as good as they like the real ones.

Alice (itching her ear): You’re coming through but it’s not making much sense.

Bobby: It’s like stepmothers. They like their own kids better than steps, don’t they.

Alice: Where did you ever get an idea like that? A stepmother can love her new children just as much as she loves her own. So can step housekeepers.

Bobby: Uh-uh, Cinderella’s stepmother was real mean. I saw it on television with my own eyes.

(He walks away and leaves Alice in bewilderment. Bobby walks into the den to see Mike.)

Bobby: Hi, Dad. What you doing?

Mike: I’m fixing Cindy’s cradle before her doll wants to take a nap.

Bobby: You said you’d fix my bike.

Mike: Oh yeah, well, I will Bobby. That’s kind of a big job, I’ll do it Saturday, tomorrow. (Bobby looks sad and disappointed and Mike mimics a country accent) Oh, don’t worry, your trusted speed will be riding a range again, partner. (He laughs) Bobby, you having trouble in school?

Bobby: No.

Mike: Is Chester Brown picking on you again?

Bobby: No, he doesn’t pick on me anymore, not since I told him my father is twice as big as his father.

(Mike proudly shakes his hand.)

Mike: Well, I’ll tell you, they don’t make cradles like they used to.

Bobby: Dad, are fairy tales ever really for real?

Mike: No, of course not.

Bobby: Not really real at all?

Mike: Well, there might have been some truth to them at one time. Then somebody took that one true little part and made a big fairy tale out of it.

Bobby: You mean like Cinderella’s stepmother could have been a living person and been rotten and mean and somebody made up the pumpkin and the glass slipper and the fairy godfather and all that other junk?

Mike: Something like that. I’m afraid is really giving stepmothers a bad name. Take your mother for instance, she loves you boys just as much as she loves her own daughters.

Bobby (sitting in a chair): Are you sure?

Mike: What do you mean am I sure, sure I’m sure. Your mother and I have six children now and we love them all the same.

(Alice tells Carol about Bobby’s worries of stepmothers.)

Carol: And you think that’s what’s been bothering Bobby?

Alice: He told me he’s seen Cinderella on television tonight and he’s all shook up about stepmothers.

Carol: Oh, but that’s silly Alice, Bobby knows I love him.

Alice: Mrs. Brady, you know kids get the strangest ideas in their heads. Anyone would think you’d ask him to sweep out the fireplace lately.

Carol (flustered): Oh, Alice.

(Carol goes into Mike’s den, where he is getting ready to leave for a business meeting.)

Carol: Mike, is that meeting very important tonight?

Mike: Well, every meeting is important, honey.

Carol: More important than Bobby?

Mike: What kind of question is that?

Carol: Honey, please be late for the meeting.

Mike: What’s this all about?

Carol: Well, I think I know what’s bothering Bobby, and what’s more, I think I have the solution to the problem.

Mike: What’s this have to do with my meeting?

Carol: Well, I want you to go to the bicycle shop with me now, it’s open late Fridays, and we can give the bike to Bobby tonight.

Mike: Before his birthday?

Carol: Because of Cinderella.

Mike: Cinderella, everyone’s talking about Cinderella lately.

Carol: I’ll explain it to you on way to the bicycle shop.

Mike: Okay.

Carol; And remember, not a word to anyone, we’ll surprise Bobby and you can go on to the meeting.

Mike: Oh, well, the heck with the meeting. If it’s that important to Bobby, they can get along without me.

(Mike and Carol leave and we move into the next scene, with Bobby in the kitchen looking inside the refrigerator.)

Alice: You want a glass of milk?

Bobby: Mmm, mmm.

Alice: An apple.

Bobby: Mmm, mmm.

Alice: What did you look in the refrigerator for?

Bobby: Nothing. Sure is quiet around here.

Alice: Hey, you know why it’s quiet around here, because there isn’t any noise. Nothing like a lack of noise to make it quiet.

Bobby: Did Dad go to his meeting?

Alice: I don’t know, I guess so. (Pause) Hey, you know what kinds of cookies we got? Your favorite, the marshmallow kinds covered with chocolate.

Bobby: Where’s Mom?

Alice: You’re really gonna love these, Bobby.

Bobby: Isn’t Mom here either?

Alice: Well, she had to go out for a little while.

Bobby: You mean, nobody’s here?

Alice: Well, what do I look like? The invisible woman?

Bobby; Everybody left and nobody said good-bye.

Alice: Well, maybe you were busy when they left.

Bobby: I wasn’t too busy to say goodbye, that’s only one word, or maybe two words, I keep forgetting.

Alice: Your mother will be back in a little while.

Bobby: Where did she go?

Alice: Well, I don’t know exactly.

Bobby: Come on, Tiger. You’re the only one around here who cares about me.

(He and Tiger head out to the backyard.)

Alice: Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here. Believe me, sweetheart, you’re getting yourself all upset about nothing. Everybody in this house loves you. Your mother, your father, your brothers, your sisters, and Alice. We all love you.

Bobby: When everybody leaves and nobody says good-bye, that ain’t love. Come on, Tiger. (He and Tiger go outside) You still like me. I’ll show them, I’m not gonna stay where I’m not wanted. I’m gonna run away. That’s what I’m gonna do, run away.

(Bobby and Tiger go back inside as the scene fades out.)

(The next scene has Bobby has Bobby in his room packing his suitcase and Peter walks in and looks inside his drawer)

Peter: Hi. What you doing?

Bobby: Nothing. Greg home too?

Peter: Yeah, he’s downstairs watching TV. Have you seen my bubble gum?

Bobby: Nope. I’m only taking things from my drawer.

Peter: Taking things for what?

Bobby: It’s a secret.

Peter (looking on the floor): That’s your suitcase.

Bobby: I know, I’m packing my things.

Peter: What for?

Bobby: I told you, it’s a secret. I can’t tell anybody.

Peter: I’m not anybody, I’m your brother.

Bobby: Well.

Peter: I won’t tell anybody else. I can keep my mouth shut, look. (He closes his mouth shut)

Bobby: Okay. (Pause) I’m gonna run away.

Peter: Wow! Did you ask Dad?

Bobby: If you ask, you’re not running away.

Peter: Yeah, Where are you gonna go?

Bobby: To a place nobody knows about, not even me.

Peter: How long are you gonna be gone?

Bobby: Maybe all my life, maybe longer.

Peter: Maybe we oughtta tell Greg about this?

Bobby: You said you wouldn’t tell anybody.

Peter: Okay, I won’t tell anybody.

(The next scene has Peter downstairs with Greg.)

Peter: I’m sorry, I won’t tell anybody.

Greg (agitated): Won’t tell what?

Peter: I told you, I can’t tell you. I promised Bobby. The only reason he told me is because I’m his brother.

Greg (annoyed): Well so am I, dummy!

Peter: Hey, yeah, that’s right.

Greg: Now if he can tell you, you can tell me.

(Peter gets up and starts dribbling a basketball.)

Peter: Bobby’s gonna run away from home.

Greg: Run away, for real?

Peter: He’s upstairs packing, for real.

Greg: We can’t let him!

Peter: How can we stop him, if nobody’s supposed to know?

Greg: We’ll have to think of something.

(Alice is outside in the kitchen. She’s looking in the refrigerator deciding what kind of food the family needs.)

Alice (writing on a pad): Eggs, cheese, orange juice.

Greg (walking in the kitchen): Hi, Alice.

Alice: Hi, Greg. You kids should have your own supermarket. We need more eggs, more cheese, more milk. I better start ordering an extra quart.

Greg: Oh, you’ll have plenty of milk after tomorrow.

(Greg takes a glass and grabs the milk.)

Alice: After tomorrow. What’s that supposed to mean?

Greg: Oh, nothing.

(He pours himself a glass of milk.)

Alice (closing the refrigerator door): I have this teeny, tiny feeling you’re trying not to tell me something.

Greg: Well it’s a secret, a secret I can’t tell anybody in the whole world.

Alice: Those are the only kinds worth listening to. Proceed.

Greg: Sorry, I can’t tell you Alice, not exactly.

Alice: Well, beat around the bush a little. If I figure it out for myself you’re not giving away the secret, right?.

Greg: Right. (Pause) One of the kids in this family, who shall be nameless, is gonna run away from home. And it’s not me, Peter, or Marcia or Jan or Cindy.

Alice: Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter, BOBBY! Bobby’s gonna run away from home?

Greg: I didn’t say that, I was just beating around the bush, that’s all.

Alice: Your mom and dad, I gotta tell them.

(She gets up and goes to the phone.)

Greg: Don’t forget, Alice, it’s a secret.

Alice: Oh, that’s okay, Everybody knows I can’t keep a secret.

Greg (smiling): That’s what I was counting on.

Alice; I wonder where your folks went, I’ll try the Stevens.

(She goes to dial the phone.)

(In the next scene, Mike and Carol are at the bike shop checking out a bike.)

Mike: What do you think, honey, you like it?

Carol: Mmm yeah, especially the color, with his eyes.

(Mike laughs.)

Salesman: And with a few little extras.

Mike: What kind of extras?

Salesman; For instance, a license with the kid’s name on it. (Pause) For a buck.

Mike: Oh.

Carol: What a wonderful idea.

Mike: That’s good.

Salesman: What’s his name.

Carol: Bobby.

(Back at the house, Alice is on the phone with one of the Bradys’ friends.)

Alice: Well, thanks anyway, Mrs. Carngold, I thought they might have gone to your place. I’ll try the Merediths.

(Back at the bike shop, the salesman puts the license plate on the back of the bike.)

Salesman: Is it a beaut, or is it a beaut?

Mike: I’d say it’s a beaut.

Salesman: The only thing missing are sideview mirrors.

Mike: Sideview mirrors?

Salesman: That’ll complete the picture. Believe me folks, a kid who gets a bike like this will go absolutely wild. Take my word, whoever gives it to him will win him over for life.

Carol: Win him over? Mike.

Mike: I know exactly what you’re thinking.

Carol: This is bribery.

Mike: Exactly.

Carol: We can’t give that bike to Bobby now, maybe later for his birthday. Not to win his love.

Mike: Let’s go.

(They start to leave.)

Salesman: Hey, hey, what about the bike.

Mike: Well, uh, look, hold it for us. We’ll back in about a month. The name is Brady.

Carol: Bye, and thanks for those magic words.

Salesman (upset): Magic words?

(He looks bummed as they leave. Back at the house, Alice is on the phone with another friend of the Bradys.)

Alice: Hello, Mrs. Pfeiffer, this is Alice. Are Mr. and Mrs. Brady there? (Pause) They didn’t tell me where they were going, I  wanted to ask them something. Thanks all the same

(She hangs up and Peter and Bobby come in.)

Alice: Is Bobby still packing?

Peter: He just switched to a better suitcase.

Greg: Yeah, mine.

Alice: Try to keep an eye on him, I got to find your folks before he leaves. (Mike and Carol come in through the front door) Thank heavens they’re home. (She gets up) You two wait here, if somebody has to squeal, I don’t want it to be his brothers.

Greg: Thanks, Alice.

(Alice goes in the living room to greet Carol and Mike.)

Alice: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

Mike: Hi, Alice.

Carol: Hi, everything all right.

Alice: Oh yes, everything’s fine, peachy keen, with one tiny, possible little exception.

Mike: Something’s wrong.

Alice: Well, nobody’s hurt or sick or anything like that, but.

Carol: But what?

Alice: One of your little chickadees is about to fly the coop.

Mike: Fly the coop?

Alice: Take it on the land, hit the road.

Carol: Bobby.

Alice: Without mentioning any names, yes.

Carol: Oh, Mike.

Mike: Where is Bobby now?

Alice: According to reliable sources, he’s upstairs packing. I’ve been phoning you all over town.

Carol: Thanks, Alice. Come on, Mike, I think we better go right up to him.

Mike: All right, but let’s be careful how we handle this.

Carol; Well, I think you oughtta talk to him first.

Mike: And then.

Carol: I have an idea.

(They go up the stairs while Bobby finishes packing, with Tiger watching.)

Bobby: As soon as I get set somewhere, I’ll send for you. I’d like to take you now, Tiger. But I can’t carry all this and hold on to your leash too.

(Mike knocks on the door and walks in.)

Mike: Hi, Bobby.

Bobby: Oh, hi Dad.

Mike: Am I interrupting something?

Bobby: In a way. Before you got back, I wanted to be gone.

Mike: Gone, you going somewhere, are you?

Bobby: Well, yeah, I’m kinda running away.

Mike: I see. Why?

Bobby: Lots of reasons, I’d tell you but it’s getting late and I better be going.

Mike: Don’t you like it here anymore?

Bobby: No sir, not as much as I used to.

Mike: Well, don’t worry about it. You know when a person isn’t happy where he is, he has every right to look for a place where he can be happier. What beats me is, how very wrong we were, we all love you, and we thought you loved us too.

Bobby: Oh, I do. It’s just, well, I better be going.

Mike: Here, I’ll give you a hand.

Bobby: You’re gonna let me go?

Mike: Well yeah, if that’s what you really want. You will write of course and keep in touch, won’t you.

Bobby: Sure, as soon as I know where I’ll be.

Mike: What about money?

Bobby: I got 9 dollars nd 86 cents.

Mike: Well, a lot of famous men started off with less than that. Of course, you’ll get more when you go to work.

Bobby: Work?

Mike: Yeah. Well you’re not gonna keep running all then time. You’re gonna have to stop and go to work. What can you do, Bob?

Bobby: Well, I can finger-paint and glue things.

Mike: Well, I guess with that kind of experience you can find an opening someplace. Lots of luck.

Bobby: I thought you’d be mad.

Mike: Why? You wouldn’t want me to stay around if I didn’t want to, would you?

Bobby: You have to, you’re the father.

Mike: That’s very true. But I don’t want nay son of mine staying when he doesn’t want to.

Bobby: Bye, Dad.

Mike: I’ll walk you down.

(Mike walks out of the room with Bobby and he walks down the stairs.)

Mike: Good-bye, son.

Bobby: Good-bye, Dad.

(Mike smiles to Carol, who is waiting at the bottom of the steps as Bobby continues walking down.)

Bobby: Mom.

Carol: I heard you were leaving.

Bobby: Yeah.

Carol: Well, why don’t you let me take the big suitcase and you can carry mine.

Bobby: Where are you going?

Carol: Well, I’m not gonna let you go away alone. It’s a big world out there, I’m going with you.

Bobby: What about the other kids, are you gonna leave them?

Carol: Well, your father can take care of them for a while. Unless you don’t want me to go with you.

Bobby: Oh, Mom, would you really go with me?

Carol: Oh, really Bobby.

(She gives him a big hug.)

Bobby: Nobody said good-bye to me or anything. and I didn’t think anybody cared.

Carol: Oh, sweetheart, everybody cares. And I’ll bet you your baseball card you can’t guess who cares the most.

Bobby: You? (Carol nods) Even if I’m only a step.

Carol: Listen, the only steps in this house are those (the stairs). The ones that lead up to your bedroom, so how about marching right back up there.

Bobby: Hey, Dad, Mom and me are back home again.

Mike: Good, because that’s where you both belong.

(He picks up Bobby and the scene fades out.)

(The final scene has Mike and Carol in their bedroom, getting ready for bed.)

Carol: Isn’t it wonderful, Mike. Talk about a happy ending.

Mike: Bobby went to sleep as happy as a bird.

Carol: Darn that Cinderella anyway. You know, that’s what started all the trouble.

Mike: Maybe we should write a nasty letter to the fairy tale control board.

Carol: Well, thank goodness all the other fairy tales aren’t like that.

Mike: Good night, dear.

Carol: Good night, honey.

(Cindy comes running in.)

Cindy (annoyed): Mommy, Daddy.

Carol: Cindy, honey, what’s wrong?

Mike: What’s the matter, sweetheart?

Cindy: It’s Henry.

Carol: Henry?

Cindy: That bullfrog I found today. I kissed him twice already, and he still hasn’t changed into a prince. He’s just a plain old bullfrog.

(Carol and Mike laugh and Carol hugs her.)

Carol: Oh, sweetheart.

THE END