Lost Locket, Found Locket
Written by Charles Hoffman
Jan receives a locket from an anonymous sender, and the Bradys spend the rest of the episode trying to track the sender down. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Security guard at Mike’s office
(The episode begins with Jan sitting in her room, reading a magazine. Alice comes in to put away bedsheets and pillow cases.)
Alice: Goofing off on a Saturday morning, Jan?
Jan: Nothing else to do but goof. Mom took Marcia to that Saturday morning art class, and Dad took Cindy to the playground.
Alice: Yeah, Cindy loves that little merry-go-round.
Jan: Yeah, it’s just her speed. Too slow for me.
Alice: Every once in a while, somebody has to get left out. I’m gonna go downstairs and goof off with some more ironing.
(Carol comes in.)
Carol: Hi, Alice. (She goes up to Jan) Hi, honey. I just got home and met the mailman. (She hands her a small box.) This is for you.
Jan: Oh, a package.
Carol: Well, it sure resembles one. (She reads the address.) Ms. Jan Brady, 4222 Clinton Way City.
Jan: That’s me all right. What do you suppose it is?
Carol: You’re going to find out very shortly.
(Jan opens it.)
Jan: Oh, what a beautiful little box, and inside the box is, oh, Mom, look, a locket! It’s beautiful.
Jan: Well, there isn’t a card in it.
Jan: Who do you suppose it came from?
Carol (looking inside) the package): No return address.
Jan: That’s pretty strange. Nobody’s sending me a locket, and without a card.
Carol: Yeah, that’s quite strange. (Pause) But it is a lovely locket. Here, let me put it on you.
(Jan stands up while Carol puts it on her.)
Jan: It’s more than strange, mom, it’s a baffling mystery. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
(The scene fades. The next scene has Jan looking at it in the mirror, along with Marcia and Cindy.)
Jan: It sure still is a mystery who sent the locket, but I think it’s adorable.
(Cut over to the boys ‘room, where Greg is trying to check the handwriting of the sender, with Mike and the boys watching.)
Greg: This magnifying glass doesn’t help much with the postmark, especially since Jan ripped it when she opened the package.
Peter: If something’s just addressed city, Dad, doesn’t that mean it’s mailed from the same city?
Mike: At a boy, Peter. Now that’s how to solve mysteries, logic.
Bobby (to Greg): Could I use the magnetizing glass?
Greg: Magnifying, Bobby. Be my guest.
Bobby (looking through at the postmark): Wow! I just found something out!
Mike: What? What is it?
Bobby: Everything is much bigger.
(Greg takes the magnifying glass and discovers something.)
Greg: The typewriter that typed this dropped its y.
Bobby: Dropped it where?
Greg: Three times, in Brady, in way and city, look.
Peter: So the typewriter dropped its y three times, that’s not much of a clue.
Mike: No, listen Peter, that could be a very important clue. If we find the typewriter that did it, which I doubt.
(Cut back to the girls’ room, where they are trying to figure out who sent it as well.)
Marcia: It’s pretty hard to guess who sent it, with the scads of admirers you have.
Cindy: Like Willie Dalrymple. He’s a real scad.
Jan: You’re both jealous.
Marcia: Don’t you even care who your secret admirer is?
Jan: Of course I do, I’m dying of curiosity. Anyway, I’ll be wearing it to the library this afternoon. Do you want to come with me?
Marcia: Sure, we might run into Willie Dalrymple. (Jan gets up and leaves. Marcia teases her.) Willie sent the locket.
(Cut back to the boys room)
Peter: Maybe we should be looking for fingerprints on the locket and box.
Bobby: Good idea! We could use my fingerprint kit.
Mike: Yeah, and even if you found a fingerprint, what would you do with it?
Peter: Send it to J. Edgar Hoovey.
Mike (laughing): Hoover.
Mike: Well, listen I hate to discourage initiative, fellas, but you know there are millions of fingerprints on file in the F.B.I. I just wonder if J. Edgar Hoovey would take time to crack down one connected with Jan’s locket.
Greg (too the boys): You can’t argue with that.
Peter: I guess that’s why he’s a Dad and we’re just guys.
Bobby: Yeah, he thinks better.
Mike: Thanks, Bobby.
(Downstairs in Mike’s den, Carol is talking to Mike about the same matter.)
Carol: Well, this pretty velvet lined box didn’t come from an expensive store, but it did come from somewhere.
Mike: Well, now, as deductions go, that’s a reasonable one.
Carol: I wonder who could’ve forgot to enclose a card. (She gets an idea) Aunt Martha!
Mike: Hey, now, there’s an idea.
Carol: Well, she’s always been especially fond of Jan, and, well, you know how forgetful she is.
Mike (laughing): I’ll never forget when your Aunt Martha drove home in the black Sedan, and she didn’t realize it was her own tan station wagon till she gets in the garage.
Carol: Well, I mean, like at Christmas and Easter, she always forgets to enclose her name or her address or something. It would be just like her to send a locket to Jan and not enclose a card.
Mike: Yeah, agreed.
Carol: Well, I think I’ll phone her, the kids can’t hear me in here, anyway.
Mike: She’s probably just come home in somebody’s red convertible.
(Carol gets on the phone to her aunt.)
Carol: Hello. Aunt Martha, this is Carol. Carol, your niece. Carol Brady. Well, listen, Aunt Martha, what I’m calling about, Jan received a locket a few days ago with no care enclosed and (Pause) No, not locker, locket. You know, one of those little things you hang around your neck and put pictures in. Well, it really doesn’t matter, Aunt Martha, just anybody’s pictures. Yeah, well, she did receive one and I thought maybe you sent it. No, it didn’t come from Alaska. You were? A month? Oh no, then it definitely didn’t come from you. What? Totem pole? No, we, we haven’t received it yet, Aunt Martha. We’ll be looking out for it, yes. thank you in advance. (She laughs) nice talking to you too, Aunt Martha. Yeah, of course I will. Bye.
(She hangs up)
Mike: Well, I got most of that, but you will what?
Carol: Give her love to Roger.
Carol: My sister’s husband.
Mike: Your Aunt Martha is really on the ball.
Carol: Well, there goes our theory.
Mike: Yep, right down the proverbial drain.
Carol: Which leaves us with one possible clue.
Carol: Well, you know that Greg discovered those Y’s that were dropped from the label.
Carol: Well, now if we could just find the typewriter that dropped its Y’s, our problem would be solved.
Mike (laughing): Oh, honey, finding a typewriter that drops its Y’s is like finding a needle that drops its haystack.
(That evening, Carol and Alice go down to Mike’s office to see if he was responsible for sending the locket.)
Alice (flicking a flashlight): Shopping for a new coat for me?
Carol: Well, I wanted him to stay home while we sneak up here to his office. My female intuition tells me that Mr. Brady might have sent that locket to Jan.
(She takes a key from her purse and opens the door to his office.)
Carol (entering the office): Oh, Alice, I can’t wait to see his typewriter.
Carol: Oh, that’s right, you don’t know about the clue. Well, all the Y’s in Brady, way and city were lower than the rest of the letters on Jan’s package.
Carol: Oh, I hope my female intuition works.
Alice: Here, let me do that, Mrs. Brady. I used to be pretty good at typing.
Carol: Ok, Alice, hurry up. (Alice starts typing while Carol looks on.) Now is the time for all… Oh, Alice, get to the y, the y.
Alice: I’m getting to it, Mrs. Brady. (She types some more.) Country, there.
Carol (disappointed); Oh, there goes my woman intuition. The Y is perfect, just like all the other letters.
(A security guard enters the office)
Guard: Well, what do we have here, huh?
Alice: Two startled women.
Guard: Or two surprised typewriter thieves.
Carol (offended): Typewriter thieves?
Guard: There’s a ring been working this building, but I didn’t know they used dames for fronts.
Alice: We may be dames, but we’re not fronts.
Guard: This building closes at 8:00, and this office is supposed to be locked.
Carol (defensively): Well, I have a key to the building that also unlocks this office.
Guard: Oh, how did you get the key?
Carol: Well, it’s a duplicate. This is my husband’s office, Mr. Michael Brady.
Guard: Does he know you’re here?
Carol: Well, no.
Alice: He thinks we’re out buying me a coat.
(The guard takes out an address book and picks up the phone.)
Carol: Oh, what are you doing?
Guard: I have Mr. Brady’s home phone number in this book. I think I’ll just call him and ask him if he knows anything about a dame masquerading as his wife.
Carol: Oh, I wish you wouldn’t.
Guard: I’ll bet.
Guard: Look, officer, I think I can explain everything. You see, my daughter received this locket with no card attached.
Alice: On a typewriter that dropped it’s y’s.
Carol: And, well, I think my husband may have sent her the locket.
Alice: So we came here to see if his office typewriter dropped it’s y’s.
Guard: You know something? I believe you.
Carol: You do?
Guard: Sure, you’d have to be nuts to make up a story to see that.
(Meanwhile, Greg and Mike are in the den. Mike is typing.)
Greg: what are you doing?
Mike: Something deceitful and sneaky, of which I am highly ashamed.
Greg (looking over his shoulder): Typing the alphabet on Mom’s portable.
Mike: You were the one who discovered that dropped y in the address on Jan’s label.
Mike: Well, with your mother gone to help Alice buy a coat, doing a little sleuthing here.
Greg: Huh, you think Mom sent the locket to Jan?
Mike: Well, you know, I don’t know anymore. This is the only typewriter she ever uses and it’s in perfect condition.
Greg: Well, don’t you trust her?
Mike: Of course I do.
Greg: Well, wouldn’t she tell you.
Mike: Sure she would, unless she had a logical reason not to.
Greg: Like what?
Mike: Greg, to a female mind, anything is logical. I’m going to take this back and put it where your mother keeps it. Oh, listen, now mum’s the word, okay, Greg. Man to man.
Greg: Okay, mum’s the word. But you’re right.
Greg: It was sneaky and deceitful and something of which you should be highly ashamed.
Mike: I am, I am, and when it’s all over, I’ll tell your mother what I did.
Greg: When it’s all over, Dad?
Mike: Yeah, she’ll understand.
(He takes the typewriter and goes to put it back.)
Greg: I’m beginning to think we’ll never know who sent the locket to Jan.
(That evening, Mike and Carol are in their room, getting ready for bed.)
Mike: No luck with the coat, huh?
Carol: The coat?
Mike: Yeah, the coat that you went to buy Alice.
Carol: Oh, that coat, yeah. Oh, well, we didn’t find anything.
(He climbs into bed.)
Carol: What happened here?
Mike: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
Carol: How was Jan?
Mike: Oh, she was fine when she went to bed.
Carol: Well, any late developments on the locket?
Mike: Well, we weren’t exactly swamped with people telling us they sent it, if that’s what you mean.
Carol: Well, something will turn up tomorrow.
Carol: Well, what do you say?
Mike: I say warmly and affectionately, good night, Mrs. Brady.
(He kisses her.)
Carol: Good night, Mr. Brady. I’ll just finish this chapter.
Mike: Oh, okay.
(Meanwhile, Jan is in bed and realizes she lost the locket.)
Jan: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
(Carol and Mike run inside.)
Mike: What is it, Jan?
Carol: What in the world is the matter?
Jan: My locket, it’s gone. I wore it to bed a couple of hours ago and something woke me up and I found out it was (Pause) gone.
Carol: Are you sure you wore it to bed?
Jan: Yes, I wore it to bed every night since I got it.
Mike: Are you positive you wore it tonight?
Jan: Positively positive.
Cindy: It’s gone, all right.
Jan: My beautiful little locket, no card or return address, gone, as mysteriously as it came.
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene begins in the boys room.)
Greg: We got a real mystery on our hands, fellas.
Peter: Yeah, first the locket arrives, then it disappears.
Greg: Any suggestions?
Bobby: I got one.
Bobby: Maybe somebody took it.
Greg: Of course, dum-dum, but who, what, where, when, why and how?
Bobby: I just had a suggestion. I don’t know all that junk.
Peter: Hey, what about us trying to solve this just the way they do on detective shows on T.V.?
Greg: Great idea. (He climbs up to the top bunk with Peter.) They always round up all the characters and then re-create the crime.
Peter: Right, we’ll do it all over again, just the way it happened.
Bobby (from the bottom bunk): Hey, don’t we have to get the locket back first before we do it all over again.
(Greg gives a bewildered look. Then he tells Mike about their plan down in the kitchen.)
Mike: A re-enactment of the what?
Greg: Of the crime, Dad.
Mike: What crime?
Greg: Whoever stole Jan’s locket.
Carol (coming in): Oh, we didn’t know Jan’s locket was stolen, Greg.
Greg: What else could’ve happened to it? Everyone’s looked everywhere for it. That’s why I thought we’d have a re-enactment of the crime, if it’s okay with you. Like they solve things on TV.
Mike: You mean a re-enactment of the events leading up to the crime.
Greg: Yeah, Dad, I guess I do.
Carol: Yeah, but we know that everyone was in bed that night.
Greg: Not everyone, Mom.
Mike: Oh. (He gets up from his chair) What do you know that your mother and I don’t?
Greg: Well, I know that Peter and I were just getting back after raiding the refrigerator, when Jan let out that shriek.
Carol: And the others?
Greg: Well, I think we should let each one speak for himself, or herself. After they learn their constitutional rights. Everything they say may be used against them.
Mike: Looks like we have Perry Mason Jr. in the family.
(The next scene has Carol questioning Cindy about her whereabouts the previous night.)
Carol: Cindy, you were asleep when Jan’s locket vanished, weren’t you?
Cindy: No, Mommy, I wasn’t.
Carol: Where were you?
Cindy: Standing out in the hall?
Carol: In the hall? Why?
Cindy: I thought I heard a noise under my bed.
Carol: What kind of a noise?
Cindy: Well, like a mouse.
Carol: Cindy, I have never seen any mice in this house.
Cindy: Well, maybe they see you first, and scram.
Carol: Why didn’t you come and get me?
Cindy: I was going to and Jan hollered and, well (Pause) Honest.
(Next, Carol is questioning Marcia.)
Carol: Marcia, you were asleep the night Jan’s locket did its vanishing act, weren’t you?
Marcia: No, Mom, I wanted to make you think I was asleep, but I wasn’t really.
Marcia: Well, I was studying for an English test in bed.
Carol: Studying for what?
Marcia: The English test I had the next day. I’m not doing too good in English.
Carol (correcting her grammar): Well.
Marcia: See, well anyway, that’s where I was when Jan yelped.
(Next, we have Mike interrogating Bobby.)
Bobby: I know you thought I was asleep, Dad, but I wasn’t.
Mike: Well, we know that Greg and Peter were in the kitchen and Marcia was in bed studying and Cindy was out in the hall. Just exactly what were you doing?
Bobby: Brushing my teeth?
Mike: At 10:00 at night?
Bobby: I forgot earlier and teeth can’t tell time.
(We next go into the kitchen, where Mike and Carol are now questioning Alice.)
Mike: This is a routine question we’re asking everyone, Alice. Were you asleep when Jan’s locket did its fade-out?
Alice: No, I wasn’t asleep, Mr. Brady. I was writing a letter to my sister.
Carol: In your room?
Alice: No, in the family room. Nobody else was there, I hope you don’t mind.
Carol: Oh, we don’t mind at all.
Mike; That is, if you don’t mind doing a repeat performance in the family room tonight.
Alice: What’s up, Mr. Brady?
Mike: The boys think we ought to do a re-enactment of the events leading up to the crime, see.
Carol: With everyone doing exactly what they were doing the night the locker disappeared.
Alice: Well, if you want my unsolicited opinion, I think the boys are watching too much TV.
Carol: Well, that may be so, Alice, but at least they’re trying to do something constructive.
Alice: I’ll go along, back to the family room and another letter to my sister. She’ll drop dead, two letters from me in the same century.
Carol: In the same week, the re-enactment is scheduled to take place at 10:00 tonight.
Mike: On the dot.
Alice: Well, in that case, we’d better synchronize our watches.
Mike: Oh, yeah.
(That evening, Mike and Carol are in their room, just as they were the night Jan lost the locket.)
Mike: Well, here we are, right where we were when it happened.
Carol: Hey, you know something, Mike.
Carol: I think I could learn to like the re-enactment of crimes.
Mike: Ooh, groovy, Mrs. Brady. Hey, we ought to have one of these every night.
(He kisses her.)
Carol: Come on, what were we talking about?
Mike (suddenly realizing): The coat, that you and Alice didn’t buy.
Carol: Oh, yeah, that coat. Listen, were you nuzzling me like this?
Mike: Well, there can be a little leeway in re-enactments.
Carol: A little leeway? Come on, what really went on around here the night Alice and I were gone?
Mike: Oh, everything was just completely peaceful.
(Greg and Peter come back from the kitchen.)
Peter: Hey, this is a phony re-enactment, last time we stole fried kitchen.
Greg: It doesn’t matter, we get to eat again, don’t we.
(They get into bed and Greg notices Bobby in the bathroom.)
Greg: Bobby, Bobby, get to bed.
Bobby: I’m brushing my teeth.
Greg: Put that down and get to bed.
(Bobby throws the toothbrush and runs to bed. In the girls’ room, Marcia is doing homework and Jan is struggling to stay awake.)
Marcia: You’re supposed to be asleep.
Jan: I know. But how can I be asleep when it’s almost time for me to scream?
Marcia: Well, why don’t you try, close your eyes and count sheep or something.
Jan (closing her eyes): One sheep, two sheep.
(Back in the boys room, Peter is also trying to stay awake.)
Peter: What do you suppose is going on?
Greg: I don’t know, but we better stay here.
Bobby: Can’t I even spit out the toothpaste.
Greg: Why didn’t you spit it out in the bathroom?
Bobby: You said we had to do just what we did before. I didn’t spit now, because I didn’t spit then, and you know something?
Bobby: It’s hard to talk with your mouth full of toothpaste.
(Meanwhile, Alice is in the family room writing another letter, whereas Mike and Carol are still in their room. We cut back to the boys room.)
Peter: The suspense is killing me.
Bobby: So is the toothpaste.
(Suddenly, Jan lets out another scream.)
Jan: HEY! Oh, I just remembered something!
(Carol and Mike come running in.)
Carol: You just remembered what, Jan?
Jan: That’s why I screamed, only it wasn’t a screamy scream, it was a happy scream.
Mike: It was still a scream, what happened?
Jan: Well, you know I’ve been wearing this whistle around my neck instead of my locket.
Jan: Well, um, what’s happened is what I remembered. I completely forgot about the little bear.
Mike: The little bear?
Jan: Yeah, the night my locket vanished, all the starts were out, jillions of them, like tonight.
Carol: And you stopped at the window to see if you could see the little bear.
Jan: Yeah, and you know what you said, Mom?
Carol: Yeah, that maybe the clasp broke and the locket just fell off.
Jan: Yeah, so if it did, it might have fallen off here while I was looking at the little bear. (She finds it down in the vines.) And there it is!
Mike: Jan, wait a minute. Where?
Jan: Right there.
(Mike reaches down and finds it.)
Jan: Oh, my beautiful little locket.
Mike: Found in the ivy, outside the window.
Greg (coming in the room): Dad, did you find it? Did you find it?
Mike: Yeah, in the vines underneath the windowsill.
Greg: Hey, that’s great. That means the re-enactment really worked.
(Alice comes in.)
Mike: Yeah, I guess it did.
Alice: Oh, that’s good news, Mr. Brady. That sure is good news.
(The next morning, Jan is having cereal and talking to Alice, who just finished popping a toast.)
Alice: You look radiant.
Jan: This is the happiest morning of my life, after the happiest night of my life.
Alice: Because you got the locket back?
Jan: Of course. And if I hadn’t been looking for the little bear, I would’ve never found it.
Alice: It was the re-enactment who did it.
Jan: I thought the re-enactment was a lot of fun.
Alice: It was better after Bobby spit out his toothpaste.
Jan: Did you ever finish that second letter to your sister?
Alice: Well, I just pretended to write that second letter, Jan, because my longhand is so bad.
Jan: Your longhand?
Alice: Yes, even I can’t read it. Jan, you’re growing older.
Jan: What’s that got to do with anything, Alice?
Alice: Well, there’s something I’d like to explain to you, which I think you’ll understand, and which I want to keep secret just between the two of us. You stay here, I’ll be right back.
(Next, we see Jan using Alice’s typewriter. She notices the y in Brady is lower than the rest of the letters)
Jan: Alice, you mean you typed my name and address on the label on that package?
Alice (nodding): The same way I typed that first letter to my sister, on that beat up old portable I keep in my closet.
Jan (happily): Then you sent me the locket.
Alice (smirking): I’m the guilty party.
Jan: That was a wonderful thing to do. Why didn’t you say so?
Alice: Well, that’s what I wanted to explain to you, and what I want to keep a secret. You and Peter are the middle kids in this family, but he’s a boy, and it doesn’t make so much difference.
Jan: Sometimes I get a little jealous of Cindy because she’s the baby, and sometimes Marcia bosses me around.
Alice: That’s what I’m talking about. See, I know what it is to be middle, because I’m a middle sister, just like you. I was born between Emily and Myrtle, Myrtle was the baby and Emily did the bossing.
Jan: Did your mother and father love you as much as them?
Alice: Oh yeah, yeah. It was just that every now and then, I got the feeling that I was nothing very special because I wasn’t the oldest and I wasn’t the youngest. You know what I mean?
Jan: I know what you mean.
Alice: Well, that’s why, even though I never play favorites with any of you kids, from one middle sister to another, you know, that favorite aunt gave me that locket for the same reason.
Jan: Oh, Alice, you’re, you’re just too much, that’s all.
(She gives Alice a big hug.)
Alice: That’s enough, Jan. Now, this battered old typewriter has a date with a screwdriver. And nobody but you and I will ever know that for a few days you were, something special.
Jan: Alice, as long as I have this locket, I’ll always feel like I’m something special.
(Jan stands there and smiles as the scene fades out.)
(The final scene has Jan running in the den with a new gift.)
Jan: Mom, Dad, guess what just arrived all the way from Alaska!
Mike and Carol: A totem pole!
Jan: How did you know?
Carol: And I bet there was no card attached.
Jan: How did you know that, too? Were you expecting a totem pole with no card attached?
Mike: In this family, who knows what to expect. (Jan starts laughing.) I didn’t think I was that funny.
Jan: I was thinking about something else, Dad.
Carol: What, honey?
Jan: That I’m a middle girl on the totem pole.