Written by Sam Locke and Milton Pascal
Cindy has developed a habit of tattling on the other kids. After alienating the other kids and a warning from Mike, she learned a lesson. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(The episodes begins with Mike, Carol, Cindy and Greg at the table having breakfast. They hear construction from a neighbor’s house. Alice comes over to serve them.)
Alice: Ah, anyone want anything else?
Mike: Yeah, how about a pair of earplugs.
Greg: Boy, what a racket.
Cindy: Mr. and Mrs. Liston are adding a room to a house.
Alice: Sounds more like they’re adding a house to a room.
Cindy: They’ll be finished Friday.
Carol: Cindy, how did you know that?
Cindy: I heard Mrs. Liston telling Mr. Liston. And he sure was mad. He said now Mrs. Liston’s mother would come and visit them and never go home.
Mike (sternly): Cindy, what other people say privately is none of our business.
(Alice puts a kettle on the table.)
Carol: Oh, thanks Alice. Where’s the rest of the tribe?
Alice: I’ll give them another call. (She goes over to the stairs.) Jan, Marcia, Bobby, Peter! Better get a move on if you want breakfast before lunch!
(Mike puts salt on his eggs but it all comes out.)
Mike: Oh! Gosh, now how did that happen?
Cindy: Peter was using the top to strain a guppy out of the fish tank.
(Mike looks at her disgustedly, as does Carol.)
Carl: Strain a guppy out of the fish tank?
Mike: All right, Greg, that’s enough.
Cindy; But I didn’t do anything wrong. Peter strained the guppy.
Mike: All right, what Peter did was wrong, but what you did was wrong too. You know, that’s none of your business. Your tattling is not right, and can get other people into trouble.
Carol; Would you like someone to tattle on you?
Cindy: Uh-uh, that’s no fun.
Mike: Well, then why should you tattle on other people?
Cindy: Because that is fun.
(Mike gives her another angry stare and Greg gives her a face, mimicking what she just said and the scene fades out.)
(The next scene has Carol helping Cindy with her dress.)
Carol: Cindy, honey, please stop fidgeting.
Cindy: I’ll try, Mommy.
Carol: You don’t want me to stick you, do you?
Cindy (shying away); You just did!
Carol: I’m sorry, honey, I really am.
Greg (coming in): Oh, hi, Mom.
Carol: Hi, Greg.
Greg: Have you seen my bicycle pump?
Carol: Yeah, it’s on the service porch. (Greg walks by) Greg, you didn’t wear those old pants to school, did you?
Greg: Uh, yeah, they’re kind of comfortable.
Cindy: He tore his new pants yesterday playing basketball.
Greg (angry): Squealer.
Carol (sternly): Greg. Why didn’t you tell me?
Greg: I was gonna…
Cindy: He asked Alice to patch it up so it wouldn’t show.
Greg: You little blabber mouth!
Carol: That’ll do, Greg. I’ll talk to you later. (Greg leaves) Cindy, do you remember that little talk we had at breakfast this morning?
Cindy: You mean about the guppy?
Carol: No. Your father and I warned you about tattling.
Cindy: I didn’t mean to get Greg in trouble. If I really wanted to, I would’ve told you about the time that he…
Carol: Cindy, Cindy, Cindy.
(The next scene has Mike coming home from work.)
Carol: Hi, honey.
Mike: Hi, love. (He kisses her) Well, what exciting events did I miss around here today?
Carol: Hmm, exciting. Let’s see. Well, for one thing, I saved you some money.
Mike: Oh yeah, how did you do that?
Carol: Well, all the sales started downtown and I didn’t buy anything.
Mike: Ha-ha, that’s what I call exciting.
(He hugs her.)
Carol: Oh yes, and one more thing, Mike. Our little gossip columnist was at it today.
Mike: Uh-oh, who got it this time?
Carol: Greg. (Pause) Well, I think it’s just a phase she’s going through, Mike. You know, the youngest one’s way of getting attention.
Mike: Yeah, I guess you’re right.
Carol: I hope so. (She sees Tiger with one of Mike’s golf balls in his mouth) Tiger! Mike, he’s got your golf ball.
Mike: Tiger! Drop that ball! Tiger! (Tiger gets away to his doghouse) Well, it’s probably chewed up anyway. that dumb dog!
Carol: Well, he was smart enough to get into your golf bag.
Mike: Look, I lose more golf balls in this house than I do on the course. Not to mention shoes and socks. Don’t tell me he’s going through a phase too.
(Alice comes out with a mop.)
Alice: For the fabrics that are best, put your faith in everpressed. You will always look well-dressed, and you never will be messed, up.
Mike: What’s that all about, Alice?
Alice: I’m writing a jingle for the Everpressed Fabric contest. I’ve got to think of a good last line to rhyme with everpressed.
Mike: Not another contest, Alice. Talk about phases, Alice has been going through the longest one in this house.
Alice: Like they say, you can’t lose them all.
Carol: Oh, don’t mind him, Alice. I admire your persistence.
(Mike sees Tiger with his tuxedo vest.)
Mike: Tiger! How did he get my tuxedo vest?
Carol: Honey, I put some things out for the cleaners.
Mike (angry): If that dog puts one tooth mark in that vest…
(He goes after Tiger.)
Alice: That’s it, that’s it. For the fabrics that are best, put your faith in everpressed. You will always look well-dressed, in the east and in the vest.
Carol: Oh, Alice.
Alice: All right, all right. I’ll keep trying.
(The next scene has Bobby in his room. Cindy goes in to talk to him.)
Cindy: Hi, Bobby.
Bobby: What do you want?
Cindy; Will you lend me your skate key?
Bobby: I’m not lending anything to a snitcher.
Cindy: I’m not a snitcher, I just tell it like it is.
Bobby: Well, I’m still not lending you my skate key after the way you squealed on Greg and Peter.
(Mike hears this from the hallway. he walks in the room.)
Cindy: Okay, I’ll tell what you did yesterday.
Bobby: You little fink.
Mike: Hey, Bobby.
Cindy: Daddy, wait till I tell you what Bobby did yesterday.
(Bobby gives her a dirty look.)
Mike: Yes, well, let’s just drop the whole subject, shall we? Whatever it is.
Cindy: Okay, if you don’t want to know that Bobby used Mommy’s new lipstick to color his skateboard.
Mike: No, I’d…(to Bobby) You used Mommy’s new lipstick to color your skateboard?
(He hits Bobby on the head with a pamphlet he’s carrying. Bobby sticks his tongue out at Cindy.)
(The next scene has Marcia and Jan coming home. Marcia is telling Jan about an incident at school.)
Marcia: And you should have heard Mrs. Denton telling Paula Tardy to go right to the washroom to scrub off the mascara.
Marcia: Lots of girls use it.
Marcia: And who do you think brought a pair of her mother’s false eyelashes to class?
Cindy (coming up to them): Who?
Marcia: Come on, Jan, I want to show you something. (They start going upstairs) You know, I wish we could move out of our room.
Marcia: Suppose one of us talks in our sleep, little miss you-know-who would get up and start taking notes.
(Cindy is outside in the backyard when Bobby is telling Greg about what he did in class.)
Bobby: And when the teacher was writing something on the board, I snuck into the closet.
Bobby: And I had the lizard in my lunchbox.
(They notice Cindy sitting over by the swing set.)
Greg: Oh, come on, now, let’s get over to the park, maybe we can get up a ball game.
Bobby: Yeah, it suddenly got very crowded out here.
(They leave for the park leaving Cindy dejected. The next scene has Mike and Carol inside in the living room.)
Carol: Well, it looks like the other kids are really teaching Cindy a lesson.
Mike: Oh yeah, you mean she hasn’t tattled on anyone lately?
Carol: No, not for five whole days. And it would have been six except she told me about last Monday.
Mike: What about Monday?
Carol: You think I’m a snitcher?
(Alice comes out with coffee.)
Alice: Anybody for a refill? It’s on the house.
Mike: Oh yeah, please.
Carol: Thanks, Alice.
Mike: How are things in the contest world these days?
Alice: I haven’t heard from them yet. I wonder if I sent in the wrong jingle.
Mike: The wrong one?
Alice: Yeah, I had another one. Everpressed, just right for you. If you are no matter who. Try our fabrics and real soon, in flannel, silk or gabardoon.
Alice: It’s a pun.
Mike (laughing): You mean pune.
Carol (to Mike): Ah, watch the sugar.
(The next scene has Alice mixing a cake in a bowl and Cindy comes in.)
Alice: Hi, Cindy.
Cindy: Can I help?
Alice: Wouldn’t you rather be out playing with the others?
Cindy: Aw, who wants to play those dumb kid games?
Alice: You didn’t think they were dumb kid games a week ago.
Cindy: Well, I was younger then.
Alice: Yeah, I guess you have aged in a whole week.
Cindy: It’s more fun in here with you. Can’t I help?
Alice: Well, I’m just about finished here, honey. Then I got to do my hair and my nails, and iron my dress. Sam’s taking me to a dance tonight.
Cindy: I like Sam.
Alice: Yeah, me too.
Cindy: You going to marry him?
Alice: I sure am. The question is is he going to marry me?
(The doorbell rings and Alice goes to answer it. Cindy is picking at the bowl with her finger and tasting it. The postman is at the door.)
Postman: A registered letter for Alice Nelson.
Alice: That’s me.
Postman: Oh, sign right here.
(Alice signs while Cindy is still tasting the bowl. The phone rings.)
Cindy: I’ll get it, Alice.
Alice (still at the door): it’s from the Everpressed Fabric Company. It must be about the contest. (She starts to open the letter) I’m so nervous.
Cindy (answering the phone): Hello. Oh, hi Sam. this is Cindy. Alice is at the front door with the postman.
(Alice opens the letter and reads it. She won the contest.)
Alice (excited): I won. I won!
(She gives the postman a hug.)
Cindy (on the phone); She’s hugging the postman.
(Meanwhile, Alice is back at the door.)
Cindy: I’m positive. She’s hugging the postman.
Alice: I won! I actually won something! Isn’t that beautiful.
(She’s still hugging him.)
Cindy: I’ll go call her.
Postman: Oh, congratulations.
Cindy: Why don’t you want me to tell it’s you? (Pause) Okay, I promise I won’t tell. Bye.
(Alice comes in with her award letter.)
Alice: Hey Cindy, guess what. I won a prize in the jingle contest.
Cindy: Oh, that’s neat. What did you win?
Alice: They’re going to let me now. Oh, I can’t wait to tell Sam tonight.
(She walks away excited while Cindy looks on, not knowing what to say. The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Mike and Carol practicing golf in the living room.)
Mike (missing): Whoops.
Carol: That’s too bad Uh, let me show you. Maybe if you just kind of bend your…
Mike: Oh, come on here. It was a break in the carpet and no comment from the gallery.
Carol: Yes, yes, I know.
(Alice comes out all dressed up.)
Alice: Ta-dah, ta-dah. How do I look?
Carol: Well, would you settle for radiant?
Mike: Well, I prefer breathtaking.
Alice: Well, I wouldn’t want to start an argument between you two, so why don’t we just settle on breathtakingly radiant. (Carol gives her a smile) I wonder what’s keeping Sam, he’s usually right on time.
Mike: Oh, he’s probably getting himself all slicked up. It isn’t every night a fellow can take out a contest winner.
Alice: I haven’t told him yet, I’m saving it for a surprise.
Carol: Well, I know one certain party who was surprised.
(She motions over to Mike.)
Mike: Alice, look, if I could remember what I said, I would eat every word, syllable by syllable, I would eat it.
Carol: Alice, you have no idea what you won?
Alice: Only that it’s one of five prizes, they’re going to let me know. (She looks at her watch) Sam is never this late.
Carol; Well, why don’t you call him.
Alice: Yeah, yeah, call him.
Mike: Maybe he got stuck in traffic or something.
Carol: Or maybe he stopped to buy you some flowers.
(Alice gives Sam a call.)
Alice (talking into the phone): Sam, where are you? (Pause) Well, I know you’re home. You answered the phone. (Pause )Why aren’t you here? (Pause) You’re not coming. What about the dance? (Pause) Let the postman take me? What is that supposed to mean? Sam, Sam? (Sam hangs up and Alice is left clueless.) He’s not coming.
Carol: Alice, what was that about the postman?
Alice: I don’t know.
Cindy (coming down the stairs): Isn’t anyone coming up to kiss me good night?
Mike: Yeah, honey, in just a second.
Alice: I just don’t understand what’s gotten into Sam.
Cindy: He sure was sore this afternoon.
Carol: Cindy, when did you speak to Sam?
Cindy: He phoned, when Alice was at the door hugging the postman. Maybe that’s what made him mad.
Alice: I was hugging the postman because I won the contest… how did Sam know that?
Cindy (sheepishly): I told him.
Mike: Oh, Cindy.
Carol: Alice, why don’t you and I go in the kitchen and call Sam back. Maybe between the two of us, we can straighten this thing out.
Alice: Oh, please, Mrs. Brady, Sam is just so jealous.
(They walk out to the kitchen.)
Mike: Yeah, I think the time has come for a little one-sided discussion here. Hop up there. (Cindy sits on top of a chair) I want you to listen to me very carefully. Cindy, you know you’ve done a very bad thing with your tattling.
Cindy: Yes, Daddy.
Mike: I know it’s difficult for a little girl to know what to say and what not to say. Grown-ups have that same problem. But you have to learn when to keep quiet.
Cindy: But what if someone asks me where Mommy is? Can’t I tell them?
Mike: Yes, of course you can.
Cindy: Even if she’s hugging the postman?
Mike: Cindy, the point is that you are not to tattle about other people’s business anymore. Now, I mean ever. Because if you do, you’re going to be punished. Is that clear?
Cindy: Yes, daddy.
Mike: Good, I hope so.
(She gives her a light slap on the lap and Carol comes back out.)
Carol: Well, we just spoke to Sam, everything’s fine. he’ll be right over.(She turns to Cindy) And as for you, young lady.
Cindy: Daddy already told me.
Carol: Well, I hope you were firm enough, Mike.
Cindy: He was.
(Marcia runs down the stairs after Tiger.)
Marcia: Tiger, give me back my paper! That hairy thief, he took it right off my desk!
(She goes back upstairs.)
Mike: That does it, if that hound snitches one more thing, I’m going to ship him off to Siberia.
Cindy: Would you really do that to Tiger, Daddy?
Carol (sternly): Never mind about Tiger, just remember what your father told you.
Cindy: Don’t worry, Mommy, I’ll neve tell on anyone again.
Mike: Yeah, well, I’d like to believe that.
Carol: I’ll believe it when I don’t hear it.
(Upstairs, Marcia and Jan are doing their homework.)
Jan: Marcia, what are the seven wonders of the world?
Marcia: Seven wonders?
Jan: I’ve got six so far.
(Cindy comes in looking unhappy.)
Jan: What’s the matter?
Marcia: What happened downstairs?
Cindy: I can’t tell you. It’s tattling.
Marcia: if Cindy won’t tattle, there’s your seventh wonder.
Jan: Come on, Cindy. You can tell us.
Cindy: I can’t, because it might get someone into trouble.
Cindy: Me and someone else.
Cindy: I can’t tell you!
Jan: Gee, it looks like she’s really changed.
Cindy: Now that I won’t tattle anymore, will you tell me some secrets?
Marcia: We’ll see. let’s not rush into anything.
(The next scene has Cindy playing jacks in the living room with Tiger. The doorbell rings.)
Cindy: Don’t you steal any jacks now, Tiger. (She gets up to answer the door) Who is it?
(She grabs a chair and climbs it to look in the hole. She sees him and opens the door.)
Postman: Registered letter for Alice Nelson.
Cindy: She isn’t here, and I can’t tell you anything else, because I’m not a tattletale anymore.
Postman: Well, you’re a very good girl. Can you sign your name?
Postman: Good, you can sign right here, and you can give the letter to Alice Nelson.
Cindy: Okay, but I never not give you a hug for it.
Postman: Aw, I guess it’s just one of my unlucky days. (He takes her signature and hands her the letter) Thank you.
Cindy: Bye. (She sets the letter down and resumes playing jacks. Tiger takes the letter and runs off with it) Tiger! Tiger! If you steal one more thing, Daddy might send you to Siberia. Tiger, come back! (She chases Tiger outside. He goes into his doghouse as Carol and Alice come back from shopping) Tiger, they better not catch you with that letter.
Carol: Hi, Cindy. Alice, can you manage?
Alice: Shopping’s getting rougher all the time. First you run out of money buying it, then you run out of arms carrying it home.
Carol: Cindy, what are you doing?
Cindy: Looking for my ball.
Alice: There’s a rubber bone in here someplace for Tiger, maybe it will help curb his appetite for taking things, Tiger!
Cindy: I think he’s kind of busy.
Carol: Well, come on honey, come on in the house. You can help us unpack.
(Mike comes in the front door as the phone rings.)
Mike: Is anybody going to answer that? (The phone rings again) I guess I am. (He picks it up) Hello, yeah, who? Oh, yeah, I’m sure she wants to talk to you. Hang on a second, I’ll see if she’s home, Alice! (He puts the phone down as Carol, Alice and Cindy come in with the groceries) Alice, telephone.
Alice: Got it, Mr. Brady.
Carol (to Cindy): Honey, put this in Mommy’s sewing basket. Will you, please?
Cindy: I have to find Tiger.
Carol: You can do that later dear. Go on.
(Cindy leaves and Mike comes out.)
Mike: It’s the Everpressed Fabric Company.
Alice (picking up the phone): Oh, it must be about the prize. I wonder what I won.
Alice: Maybe it’s a trip somewhere. Maybe it’s a fur coat. Maybe it’s a car!
Carol: Why don’t you ask the man on the phone.
Alice: Yeah, yeah. (She gets on the phone) Hello? Hello. Sorry to keep you waiting. This is Alice Nelson. What did I win? (She gets excited) What? (She drops a bag of groceries.) Oh, I’m sorry.
Mike: You keep talking, I’ll get it.
Alice: I really won a hi-fi stereo set? What do I have to do to get it? Uh, wait just a second. (She writes down) Yeah, uh, Lloyd’s Stereo Center. Yeah, I know where it is. Yeah, all i have to do is present the certificate you sent me. That sounds simple enough. Wait a minute, what certificate you sent me? You didn’t send me a certificate. (She turns to Mike and Carol) Did I get another registered letter?
Carol: Not that I know of.
Alice (back on the phone): Well, maybe the mails are a little slow. What’s that? (She gets upset) It does? Well, thanks for calling anyway.
(She hangs up.)
Mike: What is it, Alice?
Alice: Well, you know that certificate I didn’t get?
Mike and Carol: Yeah.
Alice: I got to get it to Lloyd’s Stereo Center before midnight tonight before it expires.
Carol: Boy, they sure give you a lot of time.
Alice: If I don’t show up, they keep the prize.
Mike: Well, there’s still a few hours left to find out what happened to that certificate.
Carol: Yeah, hey, you know, maybe it’s stuck in the mailbox. Remember the time a letter did that?
Alice: Maybe the same thing happened to my letter.
Carol: Come on, Alice, let’s look.
Mike: I’ll put the groceries away.
(They head into the living room and Cindy comes down the stairs.)
Carol: Oh, wait a minute, Cindy, do you know anything about a registered letter for Alice?
Alice: You do, where is it? Did the postman leave it?
Carol: What did you do with it?
Carol; Where did you put it?
Cindy: I didn’t put it. I just took it.
Carol: Well, where is it?
Cindy: You mean exactly?
Cindy: I don’t know.
Alice: Well, how about approximately?
Carol: Cindy, please. What happened to the letter?
Cindy: But I can’t tell you.
Alice: Sweetheart, I have to know.
Cindy: But I promised not to tattle anymore.
Carol: Well, look dear, this is different. I give you permission to tattle.
Alice: Mrs. Brady, would you order her to tattle?
Carol: Look, Cindy, this letter is very important to Alice. Now, where is it?
Cindy: But I can’t tell you, because it may get Tiger into trouble.
Alice: Tiger! (Cindy puts her hand over her mouth) We might have known.
(Alice is searching Tiger’s doghouse and finds the letter.)
Alice: Aha, I got it!
Carol: Oh, good.
Alice: Got it, Mrs. Brady! With the holes he chewed, it’s gonna look like an IBM card.
Carol: Come on, let’s get it open. (They open it up) Oh, Alice, oh, the certificate’s fine.
Alice: I’ll get down to the store right away. You mind if I take the car?
Carol: No, not at all. (Alice rushes to the car and gets in the driver’s seat) Alice! (Carol goes over to the car) Alice.
Alice: I know, I know, I forgot one little thing. I don’t know how to drive.
(She motions for Mrs. Brady to get in and moves over to the passenger seat.)
(That evening, Carol, Alice, Cindy, Greg and Marcia are admiring the stereo set, which Alice put in the family room.)
Marcia: It’s beautiful, Alice.
Greg: It’s really terrific.
Carol: Alice, it’s so nice of you to let us keep it in here.
Alice: This way, the whole family can enjoy it.
(Mike comes in with a record album.)
Mike: Hey, have I got a record for you. Wait till you hear it.
Greg (guessing): The three Baboons and Elsie?
Marcia (guessing): The Egg Beaters?
Mike: No, this is music.
(He sings a line from Gilbert and Sullivan’s A Wandering Minstrel I.)
Carol: Mike, Mike, how about the record?
Mike (taking it out of the bag): The best of Gilbert and Sullivan.
Marcia: Is that a new group?
Mike: New group? These songs have lived for almost a hundred years. Thank you very much, can we play it, Alice?
Alice: Oh yeah, you bet. (She notices something on the stereo) Hey, who’s been playing with this? They left the amplifier on.
(Cindy starts to walk away.)
Mike: Cindy, did you do that?
Cindy: No, and please don’t ask me who did. I’m not gonna tattle on my mommy.
(Carol starts to walk away but Mike stops her and everyone laughs. the scene fades out.)
(The final scene has Alice counting jelly beans from a huge bowl. She is up to 4,518 and Carol and Greg come in.)
Carol: Hi, Alice, what are you doing?
Alice: It’s a contest.
Carol: Oh no, not another one.
Alice: I could win it, I’m on a lucky streak, one in a row.
Greg: A jellybean contest?
Alice: Yeah, that market on Eighth Street has got a big barrel full of them. You have to guess how many. They got some great prizes.
Greg: I like the green one.
Carol: I’ll take the yellow one.
Alice: Ah, ah, no, not while I’m counting, please. (They put them back) I’m trying to win something for Cindy for not tattling anymore.
Carol: Oh, that’s very thoughtful of you, Alice. But I’ll bet these jellybeans cost more than the prizes are worth.
Alice: They have some pretty nice things, dollhouses, bicycles.
Greg: Wow. You know, this looks like a million of them.
Alice: I figure there are about 40 bowlfuls in that barrel. So all I have to do is fill up this bowl once and multiply it by 40, simple.
Carol: Why don’t you just multiply it half full and multiply it by 80.
Alice: Don’t confuse me, now, where was I? Uh, 4,518. Or was that 5,418? You must have heard me counting when you came in. Which one was it?
Carol: No, I think it was 4,518.
(Alice empties the bowl and counts again from scratch. Carol takes a yellow jelly bean.)