S2 E18 Our Son, The Man

untitled greg the man

Our Son, The Man

Written by Albert E. Lewin

Greg has an attitude that he is an adult because he is in high school. Hope you enjoy the script.













(The episode begins with Peter, Cindy and Bobby in the backyard running around and acting like Indians. Greg is in the family room, on the phone.)

Greg (on the phone): Oh you did, laid it right out to them. What did your folks say? (the other kids come in yelling and running around) Hey you guys, hey you guys, cool it.

Bobby: We’re not guys, we’re Indian braves.

(They continue running and yelling.)

Greg: Knock it off, what do you think you’re doing?

Peter: I’m doing an Indian, they needed another Indian.

Greg: Can’t you see I’m on the phone.

(Jan comes in with her transistor radio.)

Jan: Hey you guys, listen to this great new group.

(They listen and groove to the music.)

Greg: Jan, I’m on the phone. (He gets back on the phone) Listen, Mick, I’ll have to call you back. (He hangs up) Oh, kids.

(He turns Jan’s radio off in frustration and leaves the family room. Meanwhile, Alice and Carol are in the kitchen putting away groceries.)

Carol: These vegetables really look fresh, Alice.

Alice: How about these eggs, should I hard boil them? (Greg comes through the door and accidentally knocks them into Alice) On second thought, maybe scrambled would be better.

Greg: I’m sorry, Alice.

Alice: It’s all right, gooey, but all right.

Carol (sternly): Greg, do you have to come booming through doors like that?

Greg: Those kids, they have no respect for a man’s privacy.

Carol: What man?

Greg: Me, I’m in high school now, and when you’re in high school, you’re not a kid anymore, you’re a man.

Carol: Oh?

Greg: And a man doesn’t want to be pestered by kids? He wants privacy. Mom, I think we need to make some changes around here.

(He leaves.)

Carol (calling to him): What changes?

Alice: Changes?

(The scene fades.)

groovy greg

(The next scene has Mike coming home from work, with Greg waiting to speak to him.)

Mike: Hello, I’m home.

Carol (greeting him at the stairs): Hi honey, how was your day?

Mike: Eh! (He and Carol kiss) Hi sweetheart, everything under control around here?

Carol: Oh well, I think you cold answer that better when you talk to the man.

Mike: Oh yeah, what man is that?

Carol: The man’s that waiting for you, upstairs.

Mike: Upstairs?

Carol: Uh huh.

Mike: What man?

Carol: Your son.

Mike: My son?

Carol: The man.

(Mike goes upstairs to talk to Greg, who just emerged from the bathroom after shaving.)

Mike: Greg.

Greg: Yeah, Dad.

Mike (noticing cuts on his face and laughing): What happened to you?

Greg: I was just shaving, I got a couple of little nicks.

Mike (laughing): You were shaving? Don’t you think you ought to practice without a blade first?

Greg: I wasn’t practicing, I was shaving. It’s starting to come in real heavy now. (He points to a whisker on his face) Feel that. (He feels) Really tough, huh?

Mike: It’s one of the toughest whiskers I ever felt.

Greg: Yeah? Which one?

Mike: There’s more than one?

(They both laugh.)

Greg: Dad, I hope you didn’t mind me borrowing your razor.

(He opens the door to his closet and gets a jacket.)

Mike: I’m sure you didn’t hurt it any. Listen, you want to talk to me about something?

Greg (putting his jacket on): Oh, it’s like this, Dad. You see, I’m in high school now, Dad.

Mike: Well, I’m with you so far, Greg.

Greg: High school is where the men are separated from the boys.

Mike: And you’re with the men now.

Greg: Right Dad, I am. but not around here, around here, I’m still with the boys.

Mike: Peter and Bobby.

Greg: Yeah, and a man needs his privacy, Dad. I never have a free minute to myself.

(Peter and Bobby come in the room arguing over who will use Greg’s flashlight on the family’s camping trip.)

Peter: Greg, can I use your other flashlight when we go camping Friday?

Bobby: You got to use it last time we went to Mount Claymore!

Greg: Can’t you guys ever knock.

Mike: All right, you boys, Greg and I are having a talk.

Bobby: About the campout?

Greg: Who cares about a campout? That’s for kids.

Peter: You always go.

Greg: Well, not anymore. I’m too old for those campouts, Dad. Do I have to go?

Mike: No, we’re not going to force you to go. (to Peter and Bobby) You boys go along, we’ll be through in a minute.

Peter (to Bobby): Since Greg isn’t going, I get the good flashlight.

Bobby: That’s not fair!

Greg: See what I mean Dad, no privacy.

Mike: Well, Greg, we’ll just have to see if there is something we can do about it.

Greg: Uh, I know what we can do about it, Dad.

Mike: You do? What?

Greg: I’d like my own room.

Mike (astonished): Your own room?

Greg: Remember Dad, we’re talking man to man now, not kid to man, man to man, but man to man, man to man.

Marcia (coming in the room): Greg, Dad.

Greg (angry): Marcia, can’t you see I’m having a talk with Dad?

Marcia (flustered): I just wanted to tell you that dinner was ready, gee!

Greg: I got to have some privacy.

Mike: Greg, I’ll think about it, but I’m not gonna make any promises. now you understand that?

Greg: Yeah, I understand, Dad. And man to man, thanks.

(He shakes Mike’s hand.)

Mike: You’re welcome.

(That evening, Mike is in his room with Carol discussing possible options for Greg.)

Carol: Honey, Greg always loved these family campouts. Besides, if he doesn’t go, he’s gonna be home alone all weekend.

Mike: Oh, Carol, Greg’s not a child anymore, you know. He wants to start being on his own a little bit. We got another problem anyway.

Carol: We have?

Mike: Yeah, he asked me for his own room. Well, he has a point. You know, he does need a little privacy, I guess.

Carol: What did you say?

Mike: Well, I told him I wouldn’t make him any promises, but I’d think about it.

Carol: Well, I guess he is growing up. (Mike agrees) Mike, why couldn’t we do something in the garage?

Mike: Honey, you’re talking about major construction.

Carol: I know, how about the attic.

Mike (laughing): That would be great if Greg were 2 and a half feet tall.

(NOTE: That was where Greg moved a couple of years later. Did they forgot about this?)

Carol: Yeah.

Mike: Well, we’ll think about it tomorrow. Good night, honey.

Mike: Good night, dear.

(They kiss and turn the lights out, then go to sleep. Carol suddenly has a thought.)

Carol: Mike.

Mike: Mmm hmmm.

Carol: What about your den?

Mike: Honey, my den is not a bedroom.

Carol: What’s a bedroom? It’s a room with a bed in it.

Mike: Carol, my den is where I work. We’ll put him in the family room.

Carol: The family room? (She turns the light on) That’s where I do my sewing, and the girls practice their dancing in there and, besides, where would all the kids play?

Mike: Honey, I don’t know.

Carol: Well, never mind. Don’t you worry about it. We’ll just have to (Pause) figure something else out. You keep your den.

Mike: Wait, wait a minute. You’re making me the villain in this thing.

Carol (insincerely): Not at all, darling.

Mike: Yes you are, Carol. You’re putting it all right in my lap.

Carol: Oh, I am not.

Mike: You’re not going to give me the guilts about this now, I need my den. I’m not being unreasonable about this, I’m not.

Carol: Well, of course you’re not, good night, darling. (She kisses him, turns the light out and goes to sleep. Mike stays awake) See you in the morning.

Mike: Well, I’m not.

Carol: Good night, darling.

(The next day, Greg is excited because Mike surrendered his den to him.)

Greg: You mean it, Dad? I can really have your den?

Mike: We’ll move my things into the family room.

Greg: Man, does this have possibilities.

Mike: Possibilities, for what?

Greg (ecstatic): Changes dad, changes.

Mike: What kind of changes?

Greg: You know, making it my own pad. My own scene.

Mike: Your own scene?

Greg: Oh, I mean if it’s okay with you.

Mike: Oh sure, if it’s going to be your own room. Listen Greg, I don’t want you to get silly about this. No nails or paint on the walls, you understand?

Greg: This place is real funky.

Mike: Funky, that’s square?

Greg: No, that’s together. Terrific.

Mike: Oh, how about that. My den is funky.

(The next scene has Alice laying the sleeping bags out for the campout.)

Alice: Oh, these are clean enough. My only question is I wonder if they’re warm enough for this time of year.

Marcia: It can get pretty cold up at Mount Claymore.

Alice: Yeah, I know it. Now, let’s uh, let’s just try one.

(Alice tests one of the sleeping bags.)

Cindy: Alice.

Alice: You want to help me with this, Marcia?

Marcia: Okay.

Cindy: But Alice.

Alice: Just a second, Cindy.

Cindy: Alice.

Alice: Honey, would you wait just a minute, please. (to Marcia) Oh, this is gonna be fine, all nice and warm. (to Cindy) Now honey, what was it you wanted to say?

Cindy: That that’s the sleeping bag that the zipper always sticks on.

(Alice realizes that. She tries to squirm out.)

Alice: Oh no, you’re right. This is the one.

(Marcia and Cindy try to help her get out. Greg is moving some chairs and lamps from Mike’s den.)

Greg: What are you doing?

Marcia: She’s stuck.

Alice: It’s this zipper.

Cindy: I tried to tell her.

Greg (putting the chair and lamp down): Let me try it, sometimes it takes a man.

(He goes over to help.)

Alice: Okay, what are you doing with your father’s den chair?

Greg: I’m storing it in the garage. I’m giving the den a whole new look. I’ve got something else for sitting.

Alice: Well, I’d be careful. If anything happens to that chair, you won’t be doing any sitting.

Greg: Don’t worry, Alice. This zipper is really stuck.

Cindy: Hey, maybe we can squirt he rout like toothpaste.

(Greg and Alice cuff at the remark.)

Greg: Marcia, grab an end. Just grab that corner.

Alice: Brace, brace your foot on my arm and get some leverage that way.

Greg: Okay, you ready?

Alice: Yeah.

(They finally get her loose and Greg falls back.)

Greg: I told you, it took a man.

Alice: Oh thanks. For a minute there I thought I had a permanent maxi-coat.

(The next scene has Greg moving his things out of his room and into the den. Peter and Bobby come in the room.)

Peter: Today’s the day, huh. You’re really gonna move.

Greg: That’s right.

Bobby: You don’t like us anymore?

Greg: Oh sure I like you, you’re my kid brothers. But now I’m in high school, all right. You know what I mean?

Bobby: Yeah, you don’t like us anymore.

Greg: That’s got nothing to do with it. It’s just men need their privacy, that’s all.

Peter (to Bobby): Hey, he’s a big shot now. We’re lucky he even talks to us.

(Greg seems to have difficulty moving his mattress through the door.)

Greg: How about you two grabbing one of the ends.

Peter: I don’t think we can.

Greg: Why not?

Peter: We’re just kids. That mattress is too heavy for a little shrimp like me.

Bobby: I’m even shrimpier than he is.

Greg (frustrated): Forget it.

(Marcia and Jan are walking down the stairs and they notice Greg’s mattress at the bottom of the staircase.)

Marcia: Why did Greg leave his mattress here?

Greg: I didn’t leave it, it fell on me.

Jan: Would you mind moving it?

Marcia: Or have you decided to take over the rest of the house?

Greg (crawling out from the bottom of his mattress): Okay, okay.

Marcia: When is your inner sanctum gonna be ready?

Greg: Tonight. Hey, why don’t you pay me a visit.

Marcia (sarcastic): Thrills.

Jan: I don’t think we can.

Greg: Why not?

Jan: Well if you had visitors, it might disturb your privacy.

Marcia (to Jan): We’ll pay him a visit later, after we get to high school. (They walk away.)

Greg (to himself): Kids.

(That evening, Greg shows Mike and Carol his new bachelor pad.)

Carol: Oh, Greg, I can’t wait to see what you’ve done.

Mike: Yeah, me too.

Greg: You’ll love it. it’s the kind of room I’ve always wanted.

(He lets them in. The room is very hippy like and playing psychedelic music.)

Greg: Here it is. (Mike and Carol are totally shocked) Well. How do you like it?

Mike: Oh, it’s…

Carol: Different.

Mike: I think that’s the word for it, different.

Greg: Won’t you come in and sit down.

Carol: Oh, where?

Mike: Listen, maybe you ought to get things unpacked first.

Greg: What things um… that’s the furniture.

Carol (laughing): Oh, sure. Well it certainly is, uh, what’s that word? Flunky?

Greg: Flunky?

Carol: Finky?

Mike: Funky.

Carol: Finky, funky, flinky, well,  you just enjoy your room, Greg.

Mike: And your privacy.

Greg: Thanks, Mom. Dad.

Carol: We’ll uh, we’ll see you later.

(They leave Greg in there to gloss over his room.)

Mike: It’s hard to believe that was once my room.

Carol: It’s amazing how quickly it went from Danish modern to American disaster.

Mike: Well, it’s what Mr. Greg Brady wanted, I guess.

Carol: I don’t know. First, he outgrows his family, then he wants his own room. I can’t imagine what he’ll have on his mind next.

Mike: Ha! I know what he’ll have on his mind next.

Carol: What?

Mike: Well, it’s shaped like an hour glass but it’s a heck of a lot softer.

(The scene fades.)

untitled senior chick

(The next scene has Greg at his school. He sees an older girl sitting on a bench studying. He attempts to pick her up.)

Greg: Hi.

Girl: Hi.

Greg: Don’t I know you?

Girl: I don’t think so. I don’t know you.

Greg: Oh.

Girl: Would you mind standing someplace else? You’re putting a shadow on my book.

Greg: Oh, sure. Sorry.

(He moves back an inch.)

Girl: Thank you.

Greg: Say, aren’t you in one of my classes?

Girl: Which class?

Greg: History? (She shakes her head no) Well, I know I’ve seen you around school.

Girl: Well, I’m a senior. What about you?

Greg: Well, um, this is my first year.

Girl: Would you excuse me? I really need to study this.

Greg: Oh sure, go right ahead.

Girl: Thank you.

(Greg walks away but runs into another student, dressed as a hippie. They move in the same direction when trying to walk. Greg gets out of his way and the other guy sneaks up to the girl and takes her book.)

Girl: Hey.

Guy: What you reading?

Girl: Oh, you kook. (She notices what he’s wearing) Wow, what a groovy outfit.

Guy: You dig it, huh.

Girl: Out of sight.

Guy: Why don’t you come to the cafeteria, we could rap a little.

Girl: I’d love to. Come on.

(They walk away leaving Greg baffled, particularly on what he’s wearing. That evening, he asks Mike if he could borrow some money.)

Mike: You want a loan?

Greg: Just a little one, Dad. I’m using most of my own money.

Greg: For what?

Greg: Well, clothes.

Mike: Don’t tell me you’ve outgrown your things already.

Greg: Well, yes and no. My stuff still fits me but, like, now that I’m in high school, like it doesn’t fit. Like, you understand?

Mike: Greg, what is all this like talk all of a sudden.

Greg: Oh, like, that’s how guys talk in high school.

Mike: Don’t they still teach English?

Greg; Sure, but, like, you see, dad, these clothes, they’re, they’re too straight for high school.

Mike: Greg, look, you can’t expect a handout every time you want something. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

Greg: I know, Dad. I’ll work and I’ll pay it all back. (Mike groans at this) I promise. It’s just that, in high school, clothes are like, really important.

Mike (after a long pause): All right, all right. (He takes some money out of his pocket) But I expect to get this back.

Greg: Oh, you will, Dad.

Mike: All right.

Greg (taking the money): I knew you’d understand. (He starts walking away): Like, thanks.

Mike (to himself): Like it’s one of my most expensive failings.

(The next morning, Alice calls the kids for school. They are running down the stairs, all except Greg.)

Alice: Come on you guys, hurry up, you’ll be late for school.

Jan: Greg was hogging the bathroom all morning.

Peter (noticing Greg): Hey, look at Greg!

(Greg comes down the stairs wearing a hippy like outfit, as the kids are expressing their amazement. He then puts a pair of shades on.)

Jan: Why are you wearing sunglasses?

Greg: Not sunglasses, shades.

Jan, Peter and Bobby: Shades!

Alice: Well it is quite an outfit. We’re the ones who need the sunglasses.

(Carol and Mike get distracted and come out to the living room.)

Mike: What’s all the noise.

(Carol and Mike get shocked at his appearance.)

Carol (astonished): He looks like, like…

Mike: Would you believe Sitting Bull?

(All the other kids leave for school.)

Greg: Kids, what do they know about life?

(He gives Mike and Carol the peace sign and goes into the kitchen.)

Greg: Good morning, Carol. Good morning, Mike.

(He sits down for breakfast. His upset parents join him.)

Mike: Now look, Greg. Calling your parents by their first names might be the fad these days, but around here, we are still Mom and Dad to you.

Greg: Oh, I just figured you wouldn’t want someone as old as I am calling you Mom and Dad.

Carol: Oh, well that’s really very considerate of you, Greg.

Mike: Yes, but we’ll take an infirmity of the titles.

Greg: No big deal.

Mike: Greg, uh… Would you excuse me for a minute. (He removes the shades from Greg’s face) Now, remember, we are leaving for Mount Claymore this afternoon right after school.

(Greg’s shades fall back on his face)

Carol: And we’d love it if you didn’t have any other plans. If you’d change your mind and come along.

Greg: I’ll have plans. The guys at school always get something together. Something real heavy. I may even have a date with this chick.

Carol: Does this chick have a name?

Greg: I don’t know her name, but we rapped at school.

(They are a little baffled over the word rapped.)

Greg (looking at his watch): Oh wow, I’ve got to split. like, later.

(He gets up and leaves.)

Carol (to Mike): Like, wow.

Mike: Rapped?

Carol: I wonder if that’s against the law.

(At school, Greg sees the same girl sitting on the bench and copies the hippie student’s behavior.)

Greg (taking her book): Hey, uh, what are you reading? (He realizes he ripped out a page) Oh, gee, I’m sorry. Here, uh, you can have my French book.

Girl: But yours is first year, mine is senior.

Greg: Oh, well, I’ll buy you a new one. How much did this one cost?

Girl: Four dollars, but, you don’t have to.

Greg: Oh, no, I want to, really, here. (He goes into his pocket and finds himself short) Oh, I don’t have four dollars. I got a quarter for some glue.

Girl: Just give me back my book, huh.

Greg: Gee I’m sorry, I really am.

(He sits on the bench with her.)

Girl: I believe you. Can I ask you something?

Greg: Oh, sure, anything.

Girl: Well, you’ve been knocking yourself out trying to get my attention. Why?

Greg: Uh, well, I thought I’d ask you for a date. Maybe a movie or something over the weekend.

Girl: Well, maybe next year. You know, you’re really going to be kind of cute when you grow up. (The bell rings) See you.

(She gets up and goes to class.)

Greg (to himself): When I grow up?

(Back at home, the family is preparing for their camping trip. Greg goes into the room to see Peter and Bobby.)

Greg: Hi, you guys all ready?

Peter: Just about.

Bobby: Where’s the fishing stuff?

Peter: I already put it in the car.

(Peter is finishing packing his backpack.)

Greg: Here, let me help you with that.

Peter: It’s all right. We don’t want to bother a big shot like you.

Greg: I was only trying to help.

Bobby: Us little kids can handle it.

(The next scene has Greg in his room on the phone.)

Greg: Hi Freddy, it’s Greg. I’m just calling to see what you guys got going for tonight. Hey, yeah, that sounds really heavy. Oh, um, no, no, sure Freddy, I can see why you guys couldn’t dig a new guy along. Well, um, maybe, yeah, maybe some other time. Yeah, yeah, later.

(He hangs up and starts to ponder. He goes out in the hall, where the kids are running down the stairs leaving.)

Greg: Jan, remember not to stand up in the canoe.

Jan: I won’t.

Greg: And Marcia.

Marcia: We can manage, Greg.

Jan: Even if we’re not in high school.

(Greg starts to ponder a little more. The girls head towards the kitchen and meet Alice.)

Alice: Hey, come on bunch, get in the car.

Marcia and Jan: Okay.

Mike (coming in): Hey, Alice, come on. Everybody is ready except us grown-ups.

(They pick up a couple of boxes to bring to the car. Greg comes out.)

Greg: Hey Dad, can I give you a hand?

Mike: No thanks, I’ve got it, son.

(He picks up the box and heads towards the car. Carol comes out.)

Carol: Well, I guess that’s everything. Listen Greg, there’s plenty of food in the refrigerator, so, please, remember to eat.

Greg: Don’t worry, Mom.

Carol: You’re sure you won’t change your mind and come along?

Greg: No, I got a lot of things planned.

(Carol kisses him goodbye.)

Carol: Well, I hope you have a good time.

Greg: You too, Mom.

(Greg realizes he’ll be all alone for the weekend. Mike takes one last stop inside the house to check on Greg.)

Carol: What’s the matter, honey? You forget something?

Mike: No. Greg may need a couple extra dollars for the weekend. I’ll be right back.

Carol: Okay.

(She gets inside the car as Mike goes back in the house. Greg is in his room, feeling down.)

Mike (coming in): Greg, listen, I wanna see if you have enough money for the weekend.

Greg: Oh, yeah, I guess so.

Mike: I thought with the chick and all…

Greg: Oh, that kind of fell through.

Mike: What about the fellas?

Greg: They’ve, uh, got other plans, Dad.

Mike: Really?

Greg: Yeah.

Mike: That’s too bad.

Greg: You know something funny, Dad? When I was in junior high, I felt like I was a pretty big man on campus.

Mike: You were, weren’t you? You were graduating, you were class president.

Greg: But now that I’m in high school, I’m nobody.

Mike: No, it’s not that you’re nobody.

Greg: It’s just like starting all over again.

Mike: Well, sure, but you’re going to be starting all over again when you go to college too, and again and again. Hey, that’s part of life.

Greg: Yeah, I guess it is.

Mike: Mmm hmmm.

Greg: Dad, I know I’ve been acting like kind of a big shot lately, but is it all right if I go on the camp-out?

Mike: Sure it would be. Come on.

Greg: Gee, thanks, Dad, I’ll get my stuff.

Mike: I don’t think you have to, your brothers have already done it for you.

Greg: They have?

Mike: Well, they were hoping pretty hard you’d change your mind. We all were. But, we thought maybe you were getting a little too big, too soon.

Greg: I wasn’t getting too big, Dad. just my head.

(The scene fades.)

greg's fashionable room

(The final scene has Mike back in his den, with Greg back in his old room with his brothers. Carol comes down asking mike if he’s finished working.)

Carol: Mike, aren’t you ever coming to bed?

Mike: Yeah, in a minute, honey.

Carol: You know, I think Greg is really glad to be in his old room again.

Mike: Yeah, he sure seems to be.

Carol: Whatever you’re doing, can’t it wait until the morning?

Mike: Well, this is kind of important.

Carol: What is it?

Mike: You know, this thing with Greg got me thinking.

Carol: About what?

Mike: About Marcia and Peter and Bobby and Jan and Cindy. So look.

Carol (looking at his drawing): What is it?

Mike: Our house, with eight bedrooms. kind of funky, huh.

(He and Carol hug.)

untitled hippy greg


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