The Liberation of Marcia Brady
Written by Charles Hoffman
Marcia decides to become liberated. Her first action is to join Greg’s Frontier Scouts. Greg tries to get even by joining her Sunflower Girl club. Hope you like the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
KEN JONES, REPORTER
STAN JACOBSON, Mike’s scout co-leader
MAN Peter sells cookies to
(The episode begins at Marcia’s school, where reporter Ken Jones shows up to speak to girls abut women’s lib.)
Jones: This is Ken Jones, your mobile reporter. A junior high school may seem a strange place to find a reporter this afternoon, but the young girls of today are the women of tomorrow, and we’d like to get their thoughts on a subject of increasing interest of women of all ages, the woman’s liberation movement. (He sees Marcia and her friend Judy and starts to interview them. He speaks to Judy) Would you mind telling me your name, young lady?
Judy: Judy Winters.
Jones: Well, Judy, what do you think of women’s lib? Do you think girls are equal to boys in every respect?
Judy: Well, I never really thought about it much.
Jones: I see. (He turns to Marcia) How about you, young lady, what’s your name?
Marcia: Marcia Brady.
Jones: Marcia, do you feel that girls are the equal of boys?
Marcia: Well, if we’re all supposed to be created equal. I guess that means girls as well as boys.
Jones: Then I take it you’re for women’s lib.
Marcia: I guess I am.
Jones: Do you have any brothers, Marcia?
Marcia: Yes sir, three.
Jones: Do you think you can do everything they can do?
Marcia: Well, I think I should have the chance to try.
Jones: Tell me this, do they put you down sometimes, I mean, just because you’re a girl?
Marcia (bitterly): They sure do and it’s not fair!
Jones: Do you think girls should do something about that?
Marcia: We certainly should!
(Her friends cheer her on.)
Jones: Thank you, girls. Be sure to watch yourselves on the early news.
(He follows the other girls. Judy and Marcia walk home.)
Judy: Wow, we’re gonna be on television tonight.
Judy: And what you said about boys. If my father and brothers heard me talk like that, they’d clobber me. You sure are brave.
Marcia (suddenly realizing): Oh, no!
Judy: What’s the matter?
Marcia: I’m not brave, I’m stupid.
(The scene fades.)
(That evening, Marcia is watching the news in the family room and the boys come in to join her. She abruptly turns it off.)
Marcia: What do you want?
Greg: We want to watch television.
Peter: To get the ball scores.
Marcia (abruptly): Well, the TV set is broken.
Greg: Let me take a look. (He examines the set but Marcia unplugs it) Hey, she’s right. It is broken. (He notices the plug out and gets agitated) For crying out loud, the plug is out.
(He plugs it back again but Marcia shuts the television off.)
Peter: What’s the matter with you?
Marcia: I thought I heard Alice call us to dinner?
Greg: I didn’t hear anything.
(He gets up to turn the set on. They see the reporter interviewing Judy.)
Peter: That’s Judy Winters! (Marcia turns it off again) Will you quit fooling around?
(He gets up to turn it back on and it shows Marcia repeating what she said that afternoon.)
Peter: Hey, that’s you!
Bobby: How did you get on TV?
Greg: Bobby, go tell mom and Dad Marcia is on TV.
(Bobby runs and gets Mike and Carol, while they show what was said between her and Ken Jones.)
Mike: Hey, she looks pretty good.
(Greg shushes him and the interview between Marcia and Ken Jones continues.)
Carol: I agree with that.
(When the interview ends, Marcia turns the television off.)
Greg: How do you like that, the first time my sister goes on TV, she acts like a kook.
Marcia (angry): What do you mean, kook?
Greg (mimicking a reporter, to Peter): Tell me, miss, can you do anything boys can do?
Peter (using a high voice): Yes sir, anything.
Greg (to Bobby): And how about you, miss?
Bobby: Oh yes sir, we do.
(The guys all laugh.)
Mike: Hey, hey, cool it, cool it.
Carol (sternly): Greg, that’s enough.
Marcia (defiantly): I just meant that girls should have the same chance as boys.
Greg (laughing): I’d like to see you prove you can do anything boys can do.
Marcia: Okay, then, I’ll prove it.
Greg: Oh yeah, how?
Marcia: I’ll think of something.
(The boys all laugh again.)
Carol: Okay boys, time to wash up for dinner. come on.
Alice: Come on, you heard your mother, get going.
(The boys leave the room. They are making fun of Marcia.)
Marcia (to Carol): Are you angry with me for what I said?
Carol: Well, of course not, dear.
Marcia: What about you, Dad?
Mike: No honey, I think you have a right to your opinion.
Marcia: Good, because I meant everything I said.
Mike (laughing): Kids, they get wound up about the craziest things.
Carol: Well, I don’t think women’s lib is crazy.
Mike: No, I didn’t mean it was crazy. I just meant (Pause) Mmm.
Mike: Well, some of the things they want are pretty far out. Don’t you think so?
Carol: Well, I never went out marching, but I do believe in some of their causes.
(She snobbishly walks out of the family room and into the kitchen, where she sees Alice.)
Alice: Mrs. Brady, should I put these rolls in (the oven) ?
Carol: Alice, what do you think about women’s lib? I mean, don’t you think women are entitled to the same opportunities as men?
Alice: Uh, well, uh.
Carol: Go on, speak right up.
Alice: Well, I don’t think it’s a bad idea.
Alice: On the other hand, I didn’t say it was a good idea either. I’ll put these rolls in.
Mike (looking at his watch): Oh, hey, I didn’t realize it was this late. We’d better hurry up and have dinner. I don’t want to be late for Greg’s council meeting tonight.
Carol: Mike, we didn’t finish our conservation.
Mike: Yeah, but, honey, I don’t want to be late for the Frontier Scouts meeting. After all, I’m council master this year.
(She makes the cackling sound as we move into the next scene. Marcia is in her room discussing the matter with her sisters.)
Marcia (plopping on her bed): Life around here is going to be impossible around here until I can find a way to put those boys in their places!
Cindy: But how?
Marcia: I wish I knew, especially Greg!
Jan: Why don’t you go tell him what you think of him. I’ll go with you.
Cindy: Me too.
Marcia: He’s not home. He went to one of his dumb old meetings.
Jan: Boys are always going to dumb old meetings.
Cindy: Why are the meetings so dumb?
Marcia: Because they’re all boys. no girls. (This gives Marcia an idea) Hey, that’s it!
Jan: What? I don’t get it.
Cindy: Me neither.
Marcia: You might not get it, but believe me, they will.
(She smiles at her new idea as we move into the next scene. Greg and Mike are down at the scout meeting. Greg is chatting away with some friends.)
Greg: And Lloyd, he didn’t know I was tracking him, see, because I stepped on a stick, and he must’ve thought it was a bear because he took off like it was a drag race. (He sees Marcia passing by him) Marcia, what are you doing here?
Marcia: You’ll see.
(She goes over to Mike.)
Mike: Hi, honey. Oh, something wrong at home?
Marcia: Nothing, Dad.
Mike (to his partner): Oh, Stan, I’m sorry, this is my daughter Marcia. Marcia, Mr. Jacobson.
Jacobson: How do you do, Marcia?
Mike: What, you need to talk to me about something?
Marcia: Yes, I want to join the Frontier Scouts.
Greg (shocked): You wanna do what?
Jacobson: Uh, well, I (Pause) I don’t think I understand.
Mike: I think I do. Would you excuse us for a minute? (He takes Marcia aside) Marcia, not that women’s lib business again.
Marcia: Dad, unless there’s a very good reason why I can’t, I want to join Greg’s Frontier Scouts.
(Mike and Stan Jacobson are searching the rule books.)
Mike: Well, I can’t find a thing. What about you, Stan?
Jacobson: There’s nothing here, Mike. (He looks up at the guys) Um, fellas, I, uh, I’m afraid there’s nothing in the regulations that says a Frontier Scout has to be a boy. (All the scouts groan) I’m afraid, uh, we’ve always just assumed it was for boys.
Mike: Well, that being the case, Marcia, here’s your handbook. But, before you can become a Frontier Scout, you’ll have to pass a field initiation test. You’ll find all the requirements in there.
Marcia (taking the book): Well, thanks everybody. I’ll see you all at the next meeting. Bye.
Greg (to Mike): She’s really flipped her lid. That’s the craziest thing I ever heard of.
Mike: Greg, Marcia doesn’t feel that way.
Greg: I’ll show her. I’ll show her just how dumb it is.
(Greg fumes as we move on tot he next scene. The boys are in their room discussing the matter.)
Bobby: How come girls do dumb things and don’t even know it’s dumb?
Peter: ‘Cause they’re dumb.
Greg: There’s gotta be some way to show Marcia how silly she looks trying to be a Frontier Scout.
Peter: Why did she have to start all this for? I mean, what’s wrong with her own girls club.
Greg: Well, the Sunflower Girls are girls, she wants to be a boy. She has to (Pause) the Sunflower Girls!
Greg: Her club. I wonder how she’d like some of her own medicine.
Peter: What do you mean?
Greg: What if I joined the Sunflower Girls? That would show her.
Peter: Hey, that’s wild.
Bobby: Can boys get in?
Greg: There’s one way to find out.
(Greg goes in the girls room to find the sunflower girls handbook. He goes back in his room to join his brothers.)
Peter (to Bobby): Hey, he’s got it.
Greg: Nobody was in the room so I sneaked it out.
Peter: Well, what does it say?
Bobby: Boy, this is really gonna get her?
Peter: Marcia’s gonna flip.
Greg (looking in the manual): Yeah, yeah, here it is. Nope, there’s nothing in the guide book that says a sunflower girl has to be a girl.
Peter (excited): Then you can join!
Greg: Yeah. (Pause) Oh, no.
Bobby: What’s the matter?
Greg: Well, it doesn’t say anything about being a girl but listen to this. A sunflower must be of good character and between the ages of 10 and 14. I’m too old.
Peter: Oh, and it was such a great idea.
Bobby: I’d do it but I’m not 10 yet.
(Greg and Bobby start looking at Peter.)
Peter: Oh no, not me. I’m not going to be any sunflower girl.
Greg: But you got to, Pete.
Peter: No chance, no way.
Bobby: How come it was okay for Greg?
Peter: That was different.
Greg: This isn’t just for me, this is a chance to fight back for all men.
Bobby: And for all boys.
Greg: For all mankind.
Peter: Me, a sunflower girl?
(They give Peter the handbook and wish him luck. The scene fades out.)
(In the next scene, the boys are in the den talking it over with Mike.)
Mike (laughing): Peter, a sunflower girl?
Greg: It’ll really show Marcia how silly she looks for joining my club.
Mike: That’s a pretty wild idea (to Peter) How do you feel about that?
Peter: Sillier than Marcia will.
Bobby: But you got to, Pete.
Peter: Well, what do you think, Dad?
Mike: Oh, no no, that’s your affair. You guys keep me out of this.
Greg: Come on Pete, please.
Peter: Well, okay.
Mike (warning): Now listen, I don’t want this thing to get out of hand. You understand?
Greg: It won’t Dad. He probably won’t have to join the sunflower girls. When we tell Marcia, she’ll back out of her whole dumb idea.
Mike: Good luck.
(The boys leave the den. Marcia is practicing CPR on Alice out in the backyard.)
Marcia: Out, two, three, four. In, two, three, four.
Alice (exhausted): Hey, I thought mouth to mouth resuscitation was the going thing these days.
Marcia: We have to learn both ways for our initiation test.
Marcia: Out, two, three, four, in.
Alice: How about a little break. I’d like to get some dinner while I still have some breath left.
Marcia: We can practice the fireman’s carry and the leg sprint later.
Alice (upset): Do we have to?
Marcia: Alice, I’m not doing this just for me. It’s for all women. Don’t you want to be liberated?
Alice: Liberated, yes. Lacerated, no!
(She gets up and walks away. The boys come up to Marcia to tell her the news about Peter joining her club.)
Greg (smiling): Have I got a news flash for you.
Bobby: Yeah, a news flash.
Greg: If you’re joining the Frontier Scouts, Peter’s going to join your sunflower girls.
Greg: That’s right, isn’t it, Pete?
Peter: Yep, that’s right.
Bobby: What do you think of that?
Marcia: I think it’s great.
Peter (surprised): Great?
Marcia: Peter, at least you see my point. There isn’t any reason why we all can’t join whatever group we want to. (She takes him by the arm) There’s a big meeting tonight and I’ll introduce you to all the girls. And you’re just in time for the big cookie sale. I’ll even lend you my uniform.
(Next, Carol goes into Mike’s room to bring him a coffee and inquire bout Peter’s shenanigans.)
Carol: Mike, is Peter really joining the sunflower Girls?
Mike: Well it looks that way, honey.
Carol: But that’s ridiculous.
Mike: Sure it is. It’s not any more ridiculous than Marcia joining the Frontier Scouts.
Carol: Oh yes, but, Marcia’s really serious about this woman’s lib business.
Mike: What about men’s lib? Don’t you think men ought to be able to be free what men do best?
Carol: Sure, and I think woman ought to do what women do best, but, there are some things that men and women do equally well.
Mike: I agree with that, especially one thing.
Carol: What’s that?
Mike (coming up to her): Pucker up and I’m going to show you.
(He starts to kiss her.)
Carol: Stop it. Watch the coffee.
(Meanwhile, Peter is upstairs putting away some boxes of sunflower cookies. Greg and Bobby come in the room and he tries to hide them.)
Greg: What are you doing?
Bobby: What’s in the boxes?
Peter: Just, just some stuff. (He tries blocking them but Greg goes to look behind him.) I said, just some stuff.
Greg (grabbing a box): Sunflower girl cookies.
Bobby (pointing at something else): What’s that?
(Greg grabs it form the drawer.)
Greg: Marcia’s uniform.
Bobby: You’re going to wear it?
Peter: Are you kidding?
Greg: Peter, that’s part of our deal.
Peter: I’m not gonna wear any skirt, and I’m not gonna sell any cookies.
Greg: You have to do it, Marcia only went along with this because she thought you’d chicken out.
Bobby: Yeah, let her chicken out.
Greg: Right, call her bluff.
Peter (hesitant): Well.
Greg: You don’t have to wear the skirt, just the other stuff.
Greg: We’ll even help you sell the cookies. Come on, let’s get dressed.
(They go to make Peter’s first sale. They stop at a neighbor’s house.)
Peter: Maybe there’s nobody home.
Bobby: Ring the bell and find out.
Greg: And remember what you have to say.
Peter: Do I have to say that?
Greg: Peter, if Marcia finds out you didn’t go strictly by the rules, we’re sunk. I’m making her go by the rules for the Frontier Scouts.
Greg: And smile.
(Peter goes to ring the bell. Greg hides behind a wall on the side of the house and pulls Bobby back there with him. A man comes to the door.)
Peter: I am a little sunflower, sunny, brave and true. From tiny bud to blossom, I do good deeds for you.
Man (surprised): Are you kidding?
Peter: No, sir. Would you like to buy my cookies?
Peter: A dollar a box. it’s for the sunflower girls.
Man: You putting me on? Hey, uh, are we on one of them, uh, hidden camera shows?
Peter: Whoever sells the most cookies wins the contest.
Man: And, uh, what do you get if you win?
Peter (bitterly): I get to be blossom of the month.
(Greg and Bobby look on.)
Man: You’re really serious.
Peter: Yes, sir. Would you like to buy my cookies?
Man (taking out a dollar): I’ll take a box, kid.
Peter: You will?
Man: Yeah, I hate cookies, but I admire your nerve. Blossom of the month.
(The man laughs and closes the door. An angry Peter walks up to Greg and Bobby.)
Peter (humiliated): That’s it, I quit. I don’t care if Marcia gets to be president!
(He throws the sunflower girl hat on the ground and storms off.)
Bobby: What do we do now?
Greg: I’ll think of something. Marcia’s supposed to take her initiation test tomorrow on the campout.
Bobby: Can’t you goof up her test some way?
Greg: Nah, it wouldn’t be fair. But I can make her stick to every single rule. One slip, just one mistake and she’s out.
(Greg, Marcia and all the Frontier Scouts are on the campout, as Marcia finally takes the test.)
Jacobson: Hey, this looks like a pretty good spot. What do you think, Mike?
Mike: Yeah, yeah, just fine. Okay fellas, let’s get unloaded.
(Mr. Jacobson counts the troop and Marcia, who trailed behind, joined them. She sits.)
Greg: What are you doing sitting down?
Marcia: Don’t we get a chance to rest now?
Greg: Not yet. We got to put up our tents now.
(Marcia takes her back pack off and we next see her attempting to put up her tent as the scouts watch.)
Greg (laughing): How long are you going to give her to put it up?
Mike: Take it easy, Greg. There’s nothing in the guidebook that says he have to put a time limit on it.
(Marcia finally gets it up.)
Marcia: There. How’s that?
Mike: Well, I have to say that’s not bad.
Marcia: What’s my next test?
Greg: Not much. Just a few simple little things. (to Mike) She’ll flunk for sure.
(Marcia makes an angry face at him. We next see her starting a fire from rocks.)
Marcia (frustrated): Oh, what’s the use?
(She puts the rock down angrily. Suddenly, smoke rises form under it.)
(Next, she is practicing first aid on Greg. She wraps him in a gauze.)
Greg: I’m only supposed to have a concussion. How am I going to breathe?
Marcia: Through your mouth.
(She puts the part of the gauge covering his mouth down.)
(Next, she is digging a hole in the ground. Mike goes over to her.)
Mike: Are you sure you don’t want a breather?
Marcia: No thanks, Dad. If boys can do it, so can I.
(Next, Marcia follows a trail that Greg made. He made it as difficult as possible so she wouldn’t follow it in time. Greg and the other scouts sit around the camp waiting.)
Greg (laughing): She’ll never make it in time.
Mike: Listen, you did blaze a proper trail for er to follow. Didn’t you, Greg?
Greg: Oh, sure, Dad. Of course, some of the marks I left were a little small.
(Greg laughs and falls on his back. Mike comes up to him.)
Mike: Come here. (He takes him aside) You know, you’ve been giving Marcia a hard time through this whole thing and she’s been a pretty good sport.
Greg: I just wanted to show her that joining the Frontier Scouts is a kooky idea.
Mike: Well, kooky or not, she’s given it a pretty good go, right up to this last test.
Greg: I guess. But if she passes this, I’ll personally invite every girl I know to join.
(Mike notices Marcia made it in time and passed the test.)
Mike: You better start making out your invitations.
Greg: She made it in time.
Mike (looking at his watch): With a minute to spare. (to Marcia) You okay, sweetheart?
Marcia: Dad, you don’t call Frontier Scouts sweetheart, but I’m okay.
(Stan Jacobson follows.)
Mike: How did she do, Stan?
Jacobson: Well, she found every sign that Greg left for her to follow. I don’t know how she did it, I got lost twice myself.
Mike: Well, she passed every test. (to Greg) Listen, I think you ought to be the one to tell her the good news.
(He goes to congratulate Marcia, who had fallen asleep in her tent.)
Greg: Marcia, you made it. (He notices she’s sleeping) Marcia. Well, how do you like that? Most guys would be jumping around yelling our heads off, my kooky sister goes to sleep.
(Back at home, Cindy is fuming to Carol and Alice why she couldn’t go to Marcia’s initiation ceremony.)
Cindy: I still don’t see why we all can’t go.
Carol: Honey, the initiation ceremony is just for the Frontier Scouts.
Jan: But this is a big victory for us girls. From now on, we’ll be treated the same as boys.
Alice: At your age, it’s victory. At mine, it’s defeat.
(Carol goes out to the living room. She sees Greg and Mike coming down the stairs.)
Mike: Marcia down here yet?
Carol: She’ll be down in a minute. You know it always takes girls longer.
Greg: You see? Girls.
Mike: Okay, okay (calling) Marcia!
Marcia (coming down the stairs in a dress): Yes, Dad.
Mike: How come you’re not in your uniform?
Carol: Is something wrong, honey?
Marcia: I called Mr. Jacobson to tell him I’m not going.
Greg (shocked): You what?
Carol: But honey, the initiation ceremony’s tonight.
Marcia: Not for me.
Mike: You mean you don’t want to join the Frontier Scouts after all?
Marcia: No, chopping and tracking I guess is nice, I guess, if you’re a boy. It really is. I just wanted to prove to myself I could do it even if I’m a girl. (to Carol) Oh, did the new fashion magazine come yet?
Carol: Sure, it’s in my room. Come on, I’ll show you.
Greg (to Mike): Wow.
Mike: Well, I guess the initiation is off.
Greg: I don’t understand women at all.
Mike: Well, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind.
Greg: Who said that?
Mike: I don’t know but I (he and Greg both) bet it was a woman.
(The scene fades out.)
(The final scene has Peter in the kitchen enjoying some cookies.)
Peter: Boy, these sure are good cookies, Alice. The best you ever made.
Alice: Thanks, Peter, except I didn’t make them.
Peter: Then they’re the best Mom ever made.
Alice: She didn’t make them either.
Peter: Boy, they’re good, where did you get them.
Alice: We bought them from you. They’re sunflower girl cookies.
Peter (fuming): on second thought, they’re not too good.
(He picks his plate up and puts the rest of the cookies away.)