Cindy Brady, Lady
Written by Al Schwartz and Larry Rhine
Cindy gains a secret admirer who makes her feel more mature. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
TOMMY JAMESON, Bobby’s friend and Cindy’s date
(The episode begins with Cindy and Jan in the bathroom. Jan is changing her hairdo to give herself a more mature look.)
Jan: Dreamy, huh, this hairstyle is called the exotic. Do you think I look exotic?
Cindy: What does exotic mean?
Jan (in a sophisticated voice): It means alluring, exciting, a woman of the world.
Cindy: Maybe I should fix my hair like that, then I’d be a woman of the world too.
Jan: It would look silly on you, Cindy. You’re still a child.
Cindy (annoyed): I’m not either!
(She comes out of the bathroom and then she’s in the family room coloring while Marcia is on the phone.)
Marcia: Yeah, uh huh, I know, Jerry, I think you’re real groovy. But I already promised to go to the school dance with Doug Williams. Sorry, but he asked first. A soda tomorrow? Well, uh, well, let me check my schedule. Hold on. (She gets off the phone to ponder while Cindy laughs) Yeah, yeah, I think I can make it. Okay, see you tomorrow at school. Bye.
(She hangs up.)
Cindy: Boy, a dance and a soda, all in the same week.
Marcia: It’s no big deal.
Cindy: Maybe I’ll ask some boy to call me.
Marcia: Cindy, you don’t ask a boy to call you, you get them to call you.
Marcia: By being mature, playing it cool.
Cindy: I’m cool, but no boy ever calls me for a soda.
Marcia: But you’re not even 10 years old.
Cindy: Yeah, but I still get thirsty.
Marcia: Children don’t go out on dates, and, you’re just a baby.
Cindy (offended): Baby! Why did I have to be born so young?
(She angrily goes upstairs to her bedroom. She finds her doll, Kitty-Karry-All.)
Cindy (to the doll): I’ll show them, from now on I’m gonna be an older woman.
(The scene fades out.)
(The next scene has Cindy in her parents’ room. She lets down her hair, puts on her mother’s dress, and some high heels. Carol and Mike enter the room.)
Mike: Oh, pardon me, madam. We were looking for our little daughter, Cindy, about so high.
(He puts his hand to where her head normally is.)
Carol: And she has two lovely blonde ponytails.
Cindy: That Cindy doesn’t live here anymore. I’m grown-up and mature now.
(She starts to walk and almost slips on one of the heels.)
Mike (grabbing her): Oh, well, I think maybe (he looks at the heels) yes, I think you better get out of those shoes before you fall and break your neck.
Carol: Sweetheart, can I borrow this dress? I was gonna wear it to a party tonight.
(They pull the dress off her.)
Cindy (whining): I was feeling all grown-up. I’ll just be a little girl again.
Mike: Aww, and what’s so wrong about being a little girl?
Cindy: Everything, when you got two older sisters?
Carol: But Cindy, you’ve always had two older sisters.
Cindy: Yes, but now boys take them places, like dances and football games and the pizza place.
Mike: Cindy, you’ll go to all those places when you get a little older.
Carol: Don’t be in such a hurry, honey. Why this should be the happiest time of your life.
Cindy: Then why am I so miserable?
Mike: I’ll tell you why you’re miserable, because trying to act your sisters’ age, instead of your own.
Carol: Why, in just a few short years, you’re gonna be a teenager too.
Cindy (unhappy): I wanna be a teenager now.
(She starts to walk away. Carol stops her.)
Carol: Oh, sugar, can I have the shoes too? They go with the dress.
(She takes them off then leaves the room. We next see Alice in her bedroom, getting ready for bed.)
Alice: Ow, wow. (He wipes something off her face) Gotta get a new mirror. One that lies a little.
Alice: Oh hi, honey, come on in. It’s me in case you didn’t recognize me.
(Cindy sits down on Alice’s bed.)
Cindy: Mom and Dad are at the party. Can I talk to you?
Alice: Why, you bet, honey. What’s the trouble.
Cindy: Everybody in this house treats me like a baby. And I wanna be older.
Alice: Well, that’s life for you. You wanna be older, I wanna be younger. You think you got a tough job, try mine for a while.
Cindy: I fixed my hair like Jan’s, I wore high heels, and everything. But everybody still thinks I’m little Cindy.
Alice: You know what your real problem is, honey? You can’t find Mother Nature. It’s a losing battle, believe me, I know. I’ve blown enough money on ammunition. (She beckons her to the mirror) This is what I have to go through every night before I go to bed. Cold cream on my forehead, and then, wrinkled cream on my neck. And, some genuine, imported, European mud for any of the spots that I missed in between. And then, just to make sure, that my double chin doesn’t go triple, I have to sleep (she puts something around her head) with my head in a hammock. Trick or treat.
Cindy: Gee Alice, you do have a tougher job than me.
(Next, Mike and Greg are outside working on the car. Cindy comes out.)
Mike: Yes, honey.
Cindy (showing him a book): Can you help me with this word?
Mike: Well, let’s see. Where? (He looks it up) Idiosyncrasy? Well, that means peculiarity or something odd in the way a person behaves.
Greg: What’s a word like that doing in a kid’s book?
Cindy: I happen to be reading a Farewell to Arms, by Ernest Hemingway.
Greg (taking the book): She is reading Hemingway?
Mike: Don’t you think that’s a little old for you?
Cindy: Marcia’s reading it. If it’s not too old for her, it’s not too old for me.
Greg: Cindy, why don’t you stick to Alice In Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz.
Cindy (angry): Those are children’s books!
(She storms off.)
Greg (to Mike): Why’s she mad at me?
Mike: Oh, I don’t think she is. She’s just upset because she’s not as old as her sisters, you know. They have dates and they go places, and she just feels left out.
(Cut to Cindy’s room, where Greg goes to apologize to Cindy, who is playing with Marcia’s nail polish.)
Greg: I didn’t mean to kid about the Wizard of Oz.
Cindy (glumly): That’s okay.
Greg: Say, Cindy, I was thinking. There’s a track meet tomorrow afternoon. Would you like to go see it with me?
Cindy: Thanks, but it’s no fun for a girl to go out with her own brother.
Peter (coming in the room): Hey, Cindy, I’m going on a hike tomorrow, you want to come along?
Greg (condescendingly): Cindy doesn’t date her own brothers.
Peter: Oh, okay.
(Cut to downstairs, where the phone is ringing.)
Cindy: I’ll get it, Mom. (She picks up) Hello, no Marcia’s out. Can I take a message? (Carol looks on and smiles) Yeah, I got it, you’re Doug Williams and you’re calling about the school dance. Say, by the way, Doug. I’m Marcia’s sister, Cynthia. And I was thinking, if you have a friend, we can double date. I know I sound young, but I’m very old for my age. I think (she turns around and notices Carol, who came up to her) I think I’ll tell her when she comes in, bye.
(She hangs up.)
Carol: Do you remember what your father and I told you about acting your age, Cynthia?
(He puts her hand on Cindy’s chin.)
Cindy: It’s such a dumb age. Why couldn’t I have skipped from 8 right up to 15.
(She runs upstairs. We next see Alice taking a package from the front door.)
Alice (calling): Cindy, a package for you. A package for Ms. Cindy Brady!
(Cindy comes running down the stairs.)
Cindy: A package? For me?
Alice: Well, it’s sort of a package. It’s addressed to you and I found it in the mailbox.
(She takes the package and opens it. She finds a note in there with it.)
Cindy (excited): It’s a candy bar, and it’s wrapped up in a note.
Alice: What does it say?
(She reads it.)
Cindy (joyful): Alice, you won’t believe it!
Alice: Try me!
Cindy: it says, you don’t know me, but I sure dig you. Signed, your secret admirer.
Alice: Secret admirer, how about that?
Cindy: I wonder who it could be.
Alice: Whoever he is, he must think a lot of you. He blew 10 cents on that candy bar.
(She walks tot he kitchen.)
Cindy: I wonder who. Who cares. I got a secret admirer.
(She opens the paper and starts eating the bar. Next, Mike comes home with flowers.)
Carol: Hi, honey.
Mike: Hi, sweetheart.
(He kisses her.)
Carol: Oh, Mike, you shouldn’t have.
Mike: I didn’t, they’re for Cindy. With a note signed from your secret admirer.
Carol: Where did you find them?
Mike: On the front steps.
Carol: I wonder who the mystery boy is.
Mike: I don’t know, but his taste in girls is better than his taste in flowers.
(Next, Greg is in the kitchen reading and Bobby comes in from the family room.)
Bobby: Hey Greg, Greg, I found this hair ribbon at the back door.
Greg: A hair ribbon?
Bobby: Yeah, and this note. To Cindy, from your secret admirer.
Greg: He gives her a present every day. He’s sure putting a dent in his piggy bank.
Bobby (heading for the stairs): Hey Cindy, you got another you know what from you know who.
(We next have Peter coming home from the front door.)
Peter (yelling): Cindy! Hey, Cindy! Cindy!
(He doesn’t notice Carol, who’s putting something in the coat closet.)
Carol: Peter, will you please stop yelling? Cindy isn’t even home yet.
Peter: Oh. Look what she’s got. Right outside the door.
(He hands her an engagement ring.)
Carol: Ooh, the secret admirer strikes again.
Peter: And boy, did he strike hard. Look at that.
Peter: If it’s real, it’s worth a fortune.
Carol: I don’t think it’s real, Peter. (She blows on it, then rubs it on her sleeve) But I do believe it’s an engagement ring.
Peter: Wow, Cindy’s engaged, and we don’t even know who he is.
(Cindy is in her room checking out the ring and Marcia and Jan come in.)
Marcia: Another note for you, Cindy.
(He gives it to Cindy.)
Marcia: He doesn’t miss a day.
Jan: He’s really flipped over you. (Cindy opens it) What did he say this time?
Marcia: Come on, read it.
Cindy (looking up): I am reading it.
Jan: We mean to us.
Cindy: This is personal, between my secret admirer and me.
Marcia (sarcastically): Well, pardon us.
(They walk away and Cindy reads.)
Cindy (to herself): When I think of your face, and awful cute dimples. From head to toe, I get goose pimples.
(She smiles to herself and we cut to the next scene. Later on, the phone rings and Marcia and Jan race to answer it.)
Marcia: it’s probably for me, I’m expecting a call.
Jan: It could be for me too.
Marcia (answering): Hello. No, this is Marcia. Oh, just a minute, please.
Jan (trying to grab the phone): I told you it was for me.
Marcia: It’s not for you either (calling) Cindy! Phone call! (to Jan) It’s a boy.
Jan: Maybe it’s her secret admirer.
(Carol and Mike smile from the chairs they are sitting on as Cindy answers and Marcia and Jan leave the room.)
Cindy (getting on the phone): Hello. Yes, this is Cindy. (she gets excited) Who? Oh wow, at last we’re talking face to face! (Marcia and Jan look on from the kitchen) Uh huh, I got the flowers, the candy, and the big diamond ring. I like them all, but I think i like the candy the best.
Bobby (disguising his voice form another phone): I called because I wanted to hear your voice. And you know something, it’s as pretty as you are.
Cindy: You sound pretty too. When can I see you in person?
Bobby: Well, uh, I’m kind of real busy. The only time I can see you is at 3 o’clock tomorrow, and you can’t, because you have your ballet lesson.
Cindy: How do you know?
Bobby: How? Um, that’s when my sister takes ballet, so I figured you might too.
Cindy: Hey, you know what? My ballet teacher’s sick. So come over to my house tomorrow at 3. Bye. (She hangs up and picks up again) Secret admirer.
(She hangs up again.)
Bobby: Hello, hello. Hello, hello. (to himself) All that trouble I went through just to get myself in trouble.
(The scene fades out.)
(The next scene has the boys sleeping that evening. Bobby gets up to write Cindy another note.)
Bobby (writing): Dear Cindy, I can’t meet you tomorrow because I am moving to Europe. You’ll always be the grooviest. Signed, your secret admirer.
(Bobby puts his robe and slippers on. Then he goes down the stairs to put the letter in the mailbox. He opens the door to go outside, then it shuts behind him. Carol and Mike hear it from their room.)
Carol: What was that?
Mike: It sounded like a door slam.
(Bobby tries to open the door to get in. Mike comes down and opens the door. Bobby almost runs into him.)
Mike (shutting the door): What were you doing outside at this hour?
Bobby: Walking in my sleep?
Mike: Do you always go walking in your sleep in your bathrobe and your slippers?
Bobby: Maybe I was dreaming it was cold outside.
(Mike notices the note in Bobby’s hand.)
Mike: What’s that? Buh, let’s see. Hand it over. (Bobby shows it to him and Mike reads it) Is that you? (Bobby nods) Upstairs, secret admirer.
(Cut to Mike and Carol’s room, where Bobby is explaining his motive.)
Bobby: All I wanted to do was make Cindy feel more grown-up like Marcia and Jan.
Mike: We know you meant well, Bob.
Carol: But giving Cindy an imaginary boyfriend was only building her up for a big letdown.
Mike: She had to find out the truth sometime.
Bobby: I guess you’re right. What are we gonna do?
Mike: We aren’t gonna do anything. You are.
Cindy: You are going to tell Cindy the truth first thing in the morning.
Bobby: Can I write it on a note and leave it under the door?
(Carol shakes her head no, and so does Mike. Bobby gets the idea.)
(Next morning, the boys are getting ready for school. Bobby seems to be hesitating.)
Greg: Hey, come on, Bobby. We better get down for breakfast.
Bobby: I’ll be down in a minute.
Peter: Okay, but I might eat some of your pancakes.
Greg; I’ll split them with you.
Bobby: Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
Bobby: Well, if you gotta do something you really don’t wanna do, how do you do it?
Greg: Oh, if you gotta do it, do it quick. Get it over with.
Peter: Yeah, quick. You know, like when you take medicine in one big gulp. (He demonstrates taking medicine) Blecch.
Greg: What have you gotta do?
Bobby: Oh, something. Blecch.
Greg: Good luck.
(He and Peter leave the room. We cut over to the girls’ room.)
Marcia: You must be excited, Cindy. Today’s the big day.
Jan: I bet you can’t wait to meet your secret admirer.
Cindy: I hope he’s taller than me.
(Marcia and Jan leave the room and Bobby enters.)
Bobby: Cindy, can I talk to you for a minute?
Cindy: Okay, but don’t make me late.
Bobby: I won’t, I’ll make it short. (Pause) You know those notes and things you got from your secret admirer?
Bobby: Well, I write poems too.
Cindy: Not as good as his.
Bobby: Well, you know the phone call you got?
Bobby: Didn’t his voice sound kinda like mine?
Cindy: Oh no, he’s a much older man. At least 13.
Bobby: Well, I got something to tell you.
Bobby: I guess it can wait.
(She leaves and Bobby shrugs before he leaves as well. We cut over to their school. Bobby’s friend Tommy goes to get on his bicycle. Bobby goes up to him.)
Bobby: Hey, Tommy, I’ve been looking all over for you.
Tommy: What for?
Bobby: I figured you might want to do some swapping.
Bobby: Come on.
(They go over to the stairs in front of the school. Bobby reaches into his pocket.)
Tommy: What have you got?
Bobby: Well, I hate to give it up, but what would you give me for this rabbit’s foot?
Tommy (taking something from his pocket): This pencil sharpener.
Bobby: It’s a deal.
(They trade off and slap each other five.)
Bobby: Look what I’ve got.
(He shows him.)
Tommy: Wow, a real Kennedy half dollar. What do you want for it?
Bobby: Are you kidding? It’s too valuable to swap.
Tommy: Oh, come on. I’d give almost anything for it.
Bobby: Would you do almost anything for it?
Tommy: Like what?
(Bobby smiles at him and we next see Alice back at the house, opening the front door. It’s Tommy with some flowers.)
Tommy: Hi, I’m Tommy Jamison. I have a date with Cindy.
Alice: Oh, so you’re the mystery man. Come right in, Tommy.
Tommy: She doesn’t know who I am, but it’s me.
Alice: Well, you’re a very fine looking man. I’ll let her know you’re here. (She calls upstairs) Cindy, someone is here to see you! Sit down, make yourself at home, Tommy.
(Cindy comes down the stairs to meet him. Marcia and Jan look on.)
Cindy: At last I have the pleasure of making your acquaintance.
(He hands her the flowers.)
Cindy: Look, I’m wearing your ribbon.
Tommy (surprised): My ribbon? (He suddenly realizes) Oh, yeah, my ribbon.
Cindy: Let’s step outside. A breath of fresh air would be nice. Wouldn’t it.
(Marcia and Jan are still looking as Cindy takes Tommy by the arm. They walk through the kitchen.)
Cindy: Alice, I think we might want some refreshments later.
Alice: Oh, of course, I’ll start working on that right now.
(She hands Alice the flowers.)
Cindy: Would you please put these in water?
Alice: Right away.
Cindy: Thank you.
(She and Tommy head outside.)
NOTE: Cindy sticks out her tongue after saying her last line. Susan Olsen thought they were still rehearsing.
(Cindy leads Tommy outside to the backyard.)
Cindy: This is where I used to play, when I was a little girl.
Tommy: Want to have a swing contest?
Cindy; Swings are for children. I think Ernest Hemingway is very interesting, don’t you?
Tommy: Does he go to our school?
Cindy: Of course not, he’s a famous writer.
Tommy (noticing): Hey, that’s a neat teeter-totter.
Cindy: I’ve outgrown teeter-totters.
Tommy: How about climbing a tree?
Cindy: That isn’t very mature either.
Tommy: Well, it’s been nice meeting you. Bye.
(He starts to walk away.)
Cindy: Wait, Tommy, don’t you like me?
Tommy: You’re too grown up for me.
Cindy: I’m not really grown up. I was just pretending, for a date. (She lets her hair down) See, this is how my hair really looks.
Tommy: Hey, that’s neat.
Cindy: I like to climb trees, and I like swings, and play on the teeter-totter.
Tommy: You do?
Cindy: Uh huh, and I even collect lizards.
Tommy: Lizards? I collect them, too.
Cindy: You do.
Tommy: Yeah, I never thought I’d meet a girl who likes lizards.
Cindy: I love them.
Tommy: So do I. Gee, this is the best date I ever had.
Cindy: Me too.
Tommy: It’s also the only one I ever had.
(Alice comes out with two banana splits.)
Alice: Refreshment time.
(Cindy and Tommy get off the teeter-totter and race toward the patio table.)
Cindy: Hey,. look, banana splits!
Tommy: I love banana splits almost as much as lizards.
Alice: I’m afraid you’ll have to settle for bananas. I’m not serving lizard splits.
(Later on, Mike and Carol are back from shopping.)
Carol: Huh, Alice, you should’ve seen the stores. I couldn’t believe the crowds.
Mike: I couldn’t believe the price tags.
(He puts stuff in the refrigerator and carol notices Cindy outside, playing on the teeter-totter with Tommy.)
Carol: Who is that boy out there with Cindy?
Alice: Oh, that’s Tommy Jamison, Cindy’s date.
Alice: That’s her secret admirer.
Carol: That can’t be her secret admirer. Bobby was supposed to…
Mike (to Alice): Where is Bobby?
Alice: Well, he’s in there.
(She points to the family room. They walk in there and see Bobby watching Cindy and Tommy from the window.)
Mike: Bobby. (He turns around) You care to explain what’s going on out there?
Carol: You were supposed to talk with Cindy this morning.
Bobby: Well, I got a better idea. I gave Tommy Jamison my Kennedy half dollar to be Cindy’s secret admirer.
Carol (upset): You mean you bribed the boy to be Cindy’s date?
Bobby: Well, it only cost 50 cents.
(Tommy knocks on the door and motions to Bobby to come outside.)
Bobby: What do you want?
Tommy: I want to give you back your Kennedy half dollar.
Bobby: Oh no, you made a deal. You gotta stick with it.
Tommy: I will. I mean, you don’t have to pay me to play with Cindy. She’s real neat. For a girl, I mean.
(He gives Bobby back the coin and continues playing with Cindy. Bobby shrugs and comes back inside.)
Bobby (to Mike and Carol): Isn’t that great? It didn’t cost me anything.
Mike: Well, hang on. Because this incident isn’t quite closed yet, you know.
Bobby: Well, before you say anything. Just remember, it’s a happy ending.
(He flips the coin but Carol catches it.)
Carol: Ha, ha, for him maybe. For you, we’re not so sure.
(The scene fades out.)
(The final scene has Cindy running into the kitchen.)
Cindy: The lizard Tommy gave me got out of his box. Have you seen him?
(Alice is standing on the kitchen table.)
Alice: Yes I have. He’s over there.
(She points to where it is. Cindy smiles and goes to retrieve it.)