Written by Tam Spiva
Mike’s firm sends him to Hawaii to supervise the construction of a building he designed, while the family comes along for a vacation. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
DAVID, a construction worker
MR. HANELEI, another construction worker
Unnamed construction worker
(The episode begins with Mike coming home from work. He has a package in his hand. He puts it down on the table holding the horse and calls for Carol.)
Mike: Honey, I’m home.
Carol (coming out of the kitchen): Hi, sweetheart.
Mike: Hi, honey.
(She notices the package and picks it up.)
Carol: Ooh, what is it?
Mike: Do I even get a kiss first?
Carol: Okay. (She kisses him) Now what’s in the box?
(Peter comes by.)
Peter: Hi, Dad.
Peter: What’s in the box?
Mike: Oh, my gosh, it runs in the family. (Carol agrees) Listen, Peter, why don’t you get the rest of the kids because I got a surprise here for everybody.
Peter: Okay. (He yells) Greg, Marcia, Jan, Bobby, Cindy!
Mike: I said go get ’em, I know how to yell.
Peter: Okay, Dad.
(He runs up the stairs.)
Carol: Heya, Mike, while we’re waiting for the kids, what is it?
Mike (laughing): It’s a box with a ribbon on it.
Carol: Ooh, you are (pause) mean.
(The kids noisily rush down the stairs.)
Mike: You’ll never guess, you’ll never guess. (They start asking inquisitive questions) Listen, I’m gonna give you a hint. It has to do with water.
(The kids are understandably surprised. Greg wonders how they can put it in a box.)
Carol: Water? Oh well, one thing, it’s too little for a swimming pool.
Mike: Why don’t you go ahead and open it.
(All the kids pressure her to do so.)
Mike: You’ll never guess.
Carol (opening the box): It looks like airline tickets.
Mike: That’s because they are airline tickets.
Carol: For all of us?
(She and all the kids get excited at the prospect of them going on a trip. Mike begins to explain.)
Mike: Mr. Philips asked me to check on the construction of a building I designed, you know.
Carol: Yeah, where?
(All the kids are demanding to know where.)
Mike: And all the kids are out of school and we’re gonna be on… (the family keeps noisily interrupting to ask where) and to take the family along on company expense.
Carol: Mike! Where are we going?
(Carol and the kids are super excited. Alice comes out to hear the commotion.)
Alice: Hey, what’s going on?
Carol: Alice, we’ll tell you later. Just yell!
(She does so and Bobby comes up to her and tell her the good news. The scene fades.)
(Next, the Bradys are on the plane about to land in Hawaii.)
Carol: Mike, I’ll send your boss a beautiful post card every day.
Mike: Honey, this is a business trip.
Carol: Okay, I’ll say having a terrible time. wish you were here.
(They laugh and the plane continues to get closer to landing.)
Greg: Look, Hawaii.
Cindy: How could they land such a big plane on such a little island?
Bobby: Hey, what’s that big lump down there?
Peter: That’s Diamond Head, dumb head.
(They finally land at the airport.)
Jan: Honolulu, here we are.
(When they get off the plane, The Bradys are met by young ladies who put leis around and kiss them as a way to welcome them. Bobby makes a disgusted face after they kiss him and Peter ducks his kiss after they place the lei on him. When it was Greg’s turn, Mike stopped him.)
Mike: Uh, that’s enough.
(Mike gets the lei around his neck and a kiss.)
Alice (jokingly): I’m gonna tell Mrs. Brady on you.
(Now, it’s Alice’s turn and the rest of the family are walking to the shuttle. Alice stays there for multiple leis and kisses. Carol and Mike notice.)
Carol: Come on, Alice.
Mike: Come on.
(Cut to the construction site which Mike will be employing, known as Pikula Construction Company. A worker named David is preparing to leave.)
Worker: Hey, have a day?
(David shakes his head no.)
David: The boss wants me to pick up Mr. Brady at the airport.
Worker (to Mr. Hanalei): He gets all the tough jobs.
(Mr. Hanalei waves good-bye. We next see David driving the family to the hotel.)
David: Mr. Brady, my boss said you might want to some sightseeing over the weekend before you start work Monday. And, I’m available.
(The family starts to get excited.)
Mike: Oh, that sounds great to me.
Carol: Come on, let’s get started.
(We next see them getting back in the car with David. They drive around and then make a stop somewhere.)
Carol: Oh, look, isn’t this impressive?
Mike: What’s this place called again, David?
David: They call it Boohoooalakaka.
(They ask him to repeat it and they have a terrible time pronouncing it. He next shows them a statue of the first king of the island. He also points out other monuments and buildings.)
David: That’s a new modern state building in the background. And the old eon palace building in front of it. The only oil palace in the United States. Hey, let me take your picture in front of King Kamehahemaha. (They gather in front of the statue of the king.) You know, he was the first island chief to get all the islands under one rule, so he was our first king.
Cindy: I bet I know why he was king.
Cindy (pointing): Look how big he is.
David (taking his camera out): Okay, ready, smile, say belly button.
(They all say belly button and he takes their picture. They are next checking another landmark.)
David: I guess you can say how it got its names, the blowhole.
Mike: You might call it old faithful Hawaiian style.
(Peter and Bobby take pictures.)
Peter: Wow, that’s really neat.
Bobby: Yeah, it sure is. Did you get your picture?
Peter: Yeah, but I got it really blown and got us all wet.
Bobby: Oh, you want to get wet, why didn’t you say so.
(He pulls out his water gun and sprays him in the face and laughs. Next, they are all on a rowboat and then exploring Pearl Harbor.)
Peter: Wow, look at it.
Alice: This is Pearl Harbor.
Jan: Is it ever big.
Marcia: Big? It’s enormous.
Peter: Hey, what’s that over there?
Bobby: Forget about that. Look over here.
Cindy: What’s that over there?
Jan: Look way down there.
Marcia: Yeah, what’s that?
Mike: Hey, hold it, hold it. One thing at a time.
Bobby: Yeah, pipe down. One thing at a time. Now, what’s that over there?
Carol: Bobby, now let’s all give David a chance to tell us about it.
David: Well, first of all, Pearl Harbor is the first naval installation in the Pacific. (He points out) See over there. Those are nuclear submarine being serviced. Every time an astronaut returns from the moon, the recovery ships come from this port.
Carol: Remember kids, we saw that on television. (They agree) Are those battleships?
David: Over there? Those are destroyers. Guidance missile destroyers.
Mike: Those ships carry missiles on the stern.
David: Yeah, right in back of the stern. See there, those are missiles. Over there starts battleship row. (They move towards another site) And up ahead is the Arizona Memorial.
(They are next on top of the memorial.)
Peter: Gee, it’s something seeing the Arizona right underneath us.
Mike: Yeah, even though it’s no longer a commissioned ship, the navy granted special permission to fly the American flag over it.
Bobby: You mean, like, she was still afloat?
Mike: Yeah. (They are checking other things on the memorial) You see how this is constructed. It’s low in the center, higher on the ends? That’s symbolic of the ultimate victory. Look over here at the base of this flagpole. (They walk over) You see this plaque?(He reads) Dedicated to the eternal memory of our gallant shipmates in the U.S.S. Arizona who gave their lives in action 7 December 1941. From today on, the U.S.S. Arizona will again fly our country’s flag just as proudly as she did on the morning of 7 December, 1941.
(Next, the Bradys are in the boat with David.)
Carol: Oh, I must say, Pearl Harbor sure is impressive, isn’t it.
David: You know, there’s a story about Pearl harbor that most people don’t know.
Marcia: What kind of story?
David: Well, way back when they started to build all this, an old island chief warned them about it. See, the islanders believe this was owned by the shark queen god.
Peter: Shark queen god?
David (nodding): One of the strongest of the island gods. The chief told them this place was tabu, and if they built here, evil things would happen.
Jan: What kind of evil things?
David: Well, when they finished building the first side dock, it collapsed and sank into the sea. No one could ever explain how it happened.
Bobby: Wow, then what?
David: Then they started building again, and the chief warned them again.
Cindy: Did they listen to him this time?
David (shaking his head): Nope, nothing happened, until the attack of 1941.
Mike: Well, I hardly think that has anything to do with the tabu, kids.
David: Neither do I, Mr. brady, but you know, some of these old islanders are pretty superstitious.
(Meanwhile, Mr. Hanalei and the other construction worker are working and they find the tabu idol.)
Worker: Hey, look what I dug up.
(He tries to pick up with Hanalei stops him.)
Hanelei: No, do not touch.
Worker: Why not?
Hanelei: Tabu. Tabu idol, very strong, bring evil to all who touch.
Worker: Come on, brother, that’s just an old island superstition.
Hanelei: Do as I say.
Worker: Are you kidding me?
Hanelei: Do not touch, or it will bring evil.
Worker: Okay, old man, we’ll get rid of it. (He uses his shovel and moves it away) You satisfied now?
Hanelei: Someday you learn respect, respect, for island tabu.
(Next, David drives the family to the Kipula construction site to show Mike where he will be working.)
David: That’s the boss’s office over there, Mr. Brady.
Mike: Well, I just wanna check on a couple of things. I’ll be right back.
(Peter and Bobby come up to him.)
Peter: Dad, can we take a look around?
Mike: Okay, but don’t go far because I’m not gonna be gone long, okay.
Bobby: Come on, let’s see what they’re doing.
Greg: Hey, Dave, maybe you and I can get together a little later and check out some of the more important sites, like bikinis.
Dave: Hey, right on. Come down to the beach tomorrow, you can look while I judge a surfing contest for some of my buddies.
Greg: You know, I do some surfing. Suppose I can get in the contest?
David: You’re in. But you gotta watch out, we got some pretty big surf over here and you gotta keep your eyes on the waves, not the bikinis.
(While Bobby and Cindy are looking around the construction site, Bobby finds the tabu from earlier.)
Bobby: Hey, Pete, look what I found. (Peter runs over) It’s real old.
Peter: It sure is ugly. You know who it reminds me of.
Bobby: You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna put a string around it, and wear it around my neck for good luck.
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Bobby and Cindy sitting down whole Bobby tries to play a ukulele, albeit without much luck.)
Bobby: Does this sound right to you?
Cindy: If you’re trying to make a terrible sound, it sounds right.
(He tries playing more, but no better. Don Ho and Sam Kapu, come over to him.)
Don: Hi, there.
Don: You have a little trouble with that, aren’t you.
Bobby: I sure am. Could you play one.
(He hands it to him.)
Don: I think I remember. Thanks.
(He plays and does a super job.)
Cindy: You’re a lot better than Bobby.
Don: Thanks again.
Bobby: Can you sing something for us?
Don: Sure. Stan, lend me your tonsil.
Stanley: Sure. I’ll lend you both.
(They sing a song called Sweet Someone. Bobby and Cindy applaud when they’re finished.)
Cindy: You guys sure do sing good.
Bobby: Like real singers.
Don: Who knows, maybe some day we turn professional.
Bobby: Hey, I know who you are! (to Cindy) No wonder he sings so good, he’s Don Ho.
Cindy: Don who?
Don: Don Ho. This is Sam Kapu, and he and I sing at the Polynesian Palace together.
Sam: Welcome to the island.
Bobby and Cindy: Thanks.
Don: Thanks, kids, see you later.
(They start to leave.)
Bobby: Wait, wait, can we have your autograph?
Cindy: Yours too, Mr. Kapu.
Don: What are your names?
Cindy: Bobby and Cindy Brady.
Don: Let me take a wild guess, (looking at Cindy) you’re Cindy.
(They all say aloha and Don and Sam walk away.)
Bobby (looking at his idol): Boy, we never would’ve met them if it hadn’t been for my good luck charm.
(He sits down, unknowingly, on his ukulele and it breaks.)
Cindy: Some good luck charm.
(The next scene has Mike and Carol having a drink in the hotel bar.)
Mike: That was a good show tonight.
Carol: I know, it was wonderful.
Mike: Yeah, Don Ho has a great act.
Carol: How would you know? You never took your eyes off the hula girl.
Mike: I barely noticed her.
Carol: Oh yeah, your eyeballs were going back and forth twice as fast as their hips.
(She and Mike laugh.)
Mike: Well, it’s been a great trip so far.
Carol: So far it’s been a perfect vacation.
(They kiss. We next see the boys in their room.)
Greg: Okay, let’s hit the sack. I got a big day tomorrow in that surfing contest.
Peter: Boy, are you gonna get wiped out.
Bobby: Yeah, over here the guys can surf before they can walk.
Greg: There happen to be great surfers all over the world. Back home too.
Peter: We knew that, we just didn’t know you were one of them.
(He and Bobby laugh. Greg throws a pillow at them and a heavy decoration falls off the wall and almost hits Bobby.)
Greg: Gee, I’m sorry, Bobby.
Peter: Boy, that almost hit you on the head. You could’ve been hurt.
Bobby: I know. It’s a good thing I have my good luck charm with me.
(The next morning, the boys are ready to head down to the beach.)
Greg: Come on, you guys. I wanna rent a board and get some surfing in before the contest.
Peter: Aren’t the girls coming?
Greg: No, they’re going to a hula lesson.
Bobby: Who needs a hula lesson to learn how to hula?
(He pretends to do the hula and his idol falls off his neck.)
Greg: Come on, squibble hips.
(bobby leaves without realizing he dropped it. Carol, Alice and the girls come out in hula skirts.)
Carol: Come on, everybody, we don’t wanna miss our hula lesson.
Alice: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Something wrong. I don’t seem to have enough grass for the backyard.
Cindy: I think I have yours, Alice.
Alice: I think you do too.
Carol: Okay kids, come on everybody, out you go.
(Alice finds the idol.)
Alice: Hey, isn’t this Bobby’s little statue?
Carol: Yeah, I guess he dropped it when they went to the beach.
Alice: Well, I’ll keep it for him.
(She puts it around her neck and is wearing it during the hula lesson.)
Carol: Alice, now you take it easy.
Alice: Yes ma’am. Oh, I feel it. I feel it. Yeah.
(They all copy the instructor.)
Alice: I’m getting it, I’m getting it. (Her back starts to go out) I got it. (Alice can’t move) Uhh, help! I think I really got it. I can’t move.
Carol: Alice, what is it?
Alice: Uhh, it’s my hula, Mrs. Brady. My hu went one way and my la went the other. Anyone care to lend a helping hula hand.
Carol (to the instructor): We’ll be right back.
(She and the girls take Alice to get her help. After, a woman gets out of the water while the contest is about to begin.)
David (to the contestants): Okay, we’ll keep it simple. You have a half hour. I judge you on your best ride. Okay? Let’s go.
Greg: David, after the contest, the bikinis?
David: Listen, maharini, you just pay attention to the waves.
Greg: I’ll try, but it’s hard, brother.
Bobby (to Peter): What was all that about the bikinis?
Peter: You’ll learn. Boy, will you learn.
(Greg races over to the family.)
Greg: Well, here goes. Wish me luck.
(They give their best wishes.)
Alice: Oh, Bobby, speaking of luck, look what I found.
(He gives him the idol.)
Bobby: Thanks, Alice, I thought it was gone forever! (He runs to Greg) Hey, Greg, Greg, wait! (He puts it around Greg’s neck) Here, it will bring you luck.
Greg: Thanks, I’ll take all I can get.
(He joins the other contestants. David waves the flag for them to begin. Greg is doing a great job so far.)
Carol: There goes Greg.
Peter: Wow, look at that big wave. Watch it, Greg.
(Greg seems to get wiped out but comes out, retrieves his surfboard and continues.)
Alice (to Marcia): You think you can do that?
(Greg continues to the amazement of the family.)
Carol (to Mike): Oh, I wonder how they stay on those things.
Peter: Here comes Greg.
(Greg passes another wave.)
Peter: Wow, Greg’s doing great.
Bobby: Naturally, he has my good luck charm.
(Suddenly, Greg misses a wave and gets wiped out. He falls in the water. His family watches in horror.)
Bobby: Where is he?
Peter: I don’t know, I can’t see him.
Cindy: Oh, no.
(We see Greg’s surfboard afloat as the scene fades.)
(The final scene has Mike running into the water to find Greg. The rest of the family is right behind him.)
Mike: Greg, Greg!
Carol: Mike, where is he? She should’ve come up by now!
Mike: Keep looking for him!
(They continue their search at the cliffhanger of this part of the episode.)
END OF PART 1