The Show Must Go On?
Written by Harry Winkler
Greg and Marcia perform at their school’s talent show, with Mike and Carol. I hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
MIKE BRADY
CAROL BRADY
ALICE NELSON
GREG BRADY
MARCIA BRADY
PETER BRADY
JAN BRADY
BOBBY BRADY
CINDY BRADY
SAM THE BUTCHER
MURIEL, girl in Peter’s class
MURIEL’S MOTHER
MRS. TUTTLE, Organizer of talent show
(The episode begins with Carol and Alice in the kitchen. They are moving things from the cupboard to the counter. Greg and Marcia have just gotten back from school.)
Marcia: Greg, are you sure Mom is gonna take it that way?
Greg: How should I know? I can’t put myself in her place.
Marcia: The problem is, how to we break it to her?
Greg (laughing): What do you mean we? I didn’t have anything to do with it.
(He walks off.)
Marcia: Thanks a lot. You’re a real friend.
Greg: I’ll give you a piece of advice.
Marcia: What?
Greg: Put your sneakers on before you tell her.
Marcia: My sneakers?
Greg: Yeah. When she hears what you have to say, you may have to run for your life.
(He goes inside. Marcia ponders before following him.)
Carol: Alice, you know this yellow shell paper is really gonna look nice.
Greg: Hi, Mom. Hi, Alice.
Carol: Hi.
Marcia: Hi.
Alice: Hi, kids.
Marcia: Mom. You know what?
Carol: What?
Marcia: Well.
Greg: Go on, tell her.
Carol: Tell me what?
Marcia: Well, 2 weeks from Friday night is our annual Family Night Frolics.
Carol: Yeah, I know. I heard about it at the PTA meeting.
Marcia: And all the entertainment that night is from the students and the parents.
Carol: Yeah, it’s a good idea, isn’t it?
Marcia: Well, it’s for a great cause. Isn’t it, Greg?
Greg: Yeah, it’s to raise money for special school equipment.
Carol: I know, we’re gonna buy tickets.
Alice: Yeah, I’ll take a stack down for Sam to sell at the butcher shop.
Marcia: Well, it’s gonna be a fantastic evening. And it’s gonna be a really super act. One of the mothers and daughters are gonna sing a duet.
(Carol has some mugs in her hands.)
Carol: Oh, sounds great. Anyone I know?
Marcia: Yeah, you and me.
(Carol almost drops the cups. Greg grabs them before they fall. The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Carol arguing the issue.)
Carol: No way, absolutely not.
Marcia: But Mom, you always loved to sing.
Carol: Yes, I do love to sing. But not in front of a bunch of mothers.
Greg: Mom, you know most of them.
Carol: That’s the trouble. I’d rather sing in the lion’s cage in the zoo.
Marcia (begging): Mom, please. I promised the entertainment committee you’d do it with me.
Carol: You can keep half your promise. You can sing.
Marcia: But it’s family night. (She turns to Mike, who is reading the paper) Dad, will you talk to her?
Mike: Honey, it’s up to her. If your mother wants to chicken out, it’s her chicken.
(Greg laughs and Carol goes up to him.)
Carol: What do you mean, my chicken?
Mike: Honey, if the kids are willing to do their part, the least the parents can do is theirs.
Carol: I am wiling to do my part. I’ll sweep the stage. I’ll usher. I’ll take tickets. Anytihng where I can keep my mouth shut.
Greg; That’s the trouble with all the parents. Hardly any of them will get up to perform. We hardly have enough for a show.
Mike: You sang at the church at Christmas.
Carol: Yeah, but people didn’t have to pay to get in.
Mike: Come to think of it, we didn’t get much money in the collection basket that night. Come on, honey, do it.
Greg: Oh. honey, if Marcia’s willing to go out on a limb with her voice, what have you got to lose?
(Carol ponders for a minute.)
Carol: You make me feel like a traitor.
Mike: Not at all, Benedict.
(Greg and Marcia look down at her.)
Carol: Okay, I’ll do it.
(They cheer and Marcia kisses her. They leave and she looks over at Mike, who puts the paper in front of his face. She tries punching it, then poking on it. Finally, she rips it to see his face.)
(Upstairs in the girls’ room, Marcia tells her sisters the news.)
Marcia (excited): Hey, Mom will do it.
Jan: Oh, that’s great.
Marcia: But, we got to sell lots of tickets.
Jan: Don’t worry, we’ll sell them.
Cindy: I’ll even buy some. How much are they?
Marcia: Two dollars.
Cindy: I better stick to selling them.
(Marcia laughs. The next scene has Peter and Bobby selling tickets door to door.)
Bobby: How many tickets do you have left?
Peter: Only 15.
Bobby: How many did you start with?
Peter: 16.
Bobby: Boy, some sale.
(Peter rings the bell to a house. The lady of the house comes out )
Lady: Can I help you boys?
Peter: Yes, ma’am. We’re selling these tickets to family night Frolics at Westdale High School.
Bobby: It’s for buying stuff for the school, so it will be better when little kids like me get there.
(The woman is indifferent.)
Lady: I’m sorry.
(She shakes her head no and starts to close the door. Peter’s classmate, Muriel, appears at the door.)
Muriel: Hi, Peter.
Peter: Hi, Muriel. I didn’t know this was your house.
Lady: Oh, you two know each other.
Muriel: We’re in the same homeroom. Aren’t we, Peter.
Lady: Oh, well, I got some work to do.
(She leaves )
Muriel: What are you doing here?
Peter: Trying to sell these tickets for family night Frolics.
Bobby: But your Mom’s not interested.
Peter: Well, so long.
Muriel (stopping him): Peter, are you going to the movies next Saturday afternoon?
Peter: Why?
Muriel: Maybe we can go together.
Peter (shocked): You and me?
Muriel: Yes, if you can go and we can go together, I’m sure my Mom can buy some tickets from you.
(Peter balks at the homely girl’s invitation.)
Peter: I’ll think about it.
(They walk away and Muriel closes the door.)
Peter (to Bobby): Can you see me taking her?
Bobby: Well, I say you’d make a cinch sale.
Peter: So what?
Bobby: Don’t you believe in higher education?
Peter: Yeah, but I don’t want to get stuck with Muriel.
Bobby: Better than getting stuck with all those tickets.
(Peter changes his mind and rings Muriel’s bell again. She answers.)
Peter: Listen, Muriel…
Muriel: I’d love to.
Petet: I haven’t asked you yet.
Muriel: That’s okay.
(She runs to call for her mother and Bobby congratulates him.)
Bobby: Good deal.
Peter: Believe me, it’s no bargain.
(Cut back to the house, where Carol is looking through a songbook. Alice comes out.)
Alice: I’m gonna bring these tickets down to Sam, Mrs. Brady.
Carol: Sure, Alice. (She passes by and Carol looks up) You know something, I don’t think these songs are gonna work.
Alice: What songs are those?
Carol: Well, since I’m gonna be singing for high school kids, I thought I’d sing one of their current hits. But these lyrics, their expressions. Honestly, I think they’re trying to start a new language.
Alice: I wouldn’t worry about it, Mrs. Brady. With the songs the way they are nowadays, you can’t hear the words well enough to understand what you would’ve heard something you would’ve heard anyway.
(Alice leaves and Carol looks at her with confusion. We next see Alice at the butcher shop with Sam. She gives him a handful of tickets to sell.)
Sam: Honey, no problem. I won’t have any trouble at all getting rid of these tickets for you.
Alice: I knew I could count on you, Sam.
(He laughs with pride.)
Sam: Listen, if my customers won’t buy one, I’ll put my thumb on the scale.
Alice: What time do you want to pick me up, Sam? The show starts at 8 o’clock.
Sam: Oh, well, look. I said I’d take the tickets. I didn’t say I’d take you.
Alice: Well, I thought you’d ask me now than later.
Sam: Well, I can’t.
Alice: What do you mean you can’t?
Sam: My team has bowling practice that night.
Alice: Bowling practice?
Sam: Yeah, well, it’s the last chance we get to practice before we bowl against the bakery boys. And us meatcutters are gonna grind ’em up.
Alice: You gotta be kidding.
Sam: What do you mean kidding? I just had my bowling jacket cleaned and pressed.
Alice (disappointed): You mean, you’re really not gonna take me to the family frolic night?
Sam: Well, I got my team to think about.
Alice: If you want something to think about, you might try thinking about kissing your bowling ball good night.
Sam: Now, look, Alice, you’re being unreasonable.
Alice: Unreasonable? You’d rather go out with a bowling ball than with me?
Sam: Aw, come on now, honey. Where is that understanding little girl I fell in love with?
Alice: I’ll tell you where she is. She’s walking right out of this butcher shop and she is never gonna dark in your doorstep again.
(She angrily leaves.)
Sam: Women.
(Back home, Alice is hitting the kitchen counter with a spatula. Jan and Cindy look on.)
Alice: Men. They’re nothing but mean, self-centered (she hits the counter again) insects.
Cindy: Boy, you sure do sound mad at Sam.
Alice: Girls, when you grow up, don’t ever go out with a butcher that bowls.
Sam: Look, Alice, Sam will probably call up any minute to patch things up.
Alice: It’s too late. You know what I’d say to him right now if he called?
Jan: What?
Alice: I’d tell him if he thinks he can make up with me, he’s got more holes in his head than his bowling ball.
Cindy: Don’t you wanna make up with him?
Alice: Well, sure I do. But I can’t let him know that. Trouble is. I just let Sam take me too much for granted.
Jan: You should have kept him guessing.
Alice: Right. Just when you think they don’t need you, they come crawling to you, and that’s when you (She uses the spatula again) whack ’em.
(Next. Mike comes home from work as Carol and Marcia are rehearsing.)
Mike: Honey, I’m home. (He gets no response) Where are you?
Carol (calling from the family room): In here, dear. (She sings a note) Should we do that?
Marcia: Yeah.
Carol: Hey, Mike, we found a song for our duet.
Marcia: It’s from the musical, Gypsy.
Mike: Hey, good, because I sold 10 tickets at the office today.
Carol: You didn’t have any trouble selling them?
Mike: No, no trouble at all. Not to my secretary, not to my assistant. not to a whole lotta other people who still wanna work for me.
(They kiss and Greg comes in.)
Greg: Hi, everybody. (They all say hi) I got some good news.
Carol: Oh, good, what?
Greg: You know, Mrs Tuttle.
Carol: Yeah.
Greg: Well, she said she needed a lot more acts for the show. So I told her I play a little guitar.
Mike: Hey.
Marcia: You’re gonna be in the show, too?
Greg: Yeah, sort of.
Carol: What do you mean, sort of?
Greg (sheepish): Well, she said that since you and Marcia were doing a duet, maybe I can do an act with somebody, too.
(They all look at Mike.)
Mike: I hope he hasn’t done anything I’m gonna regret.
Marcia: You mean, you and Dad in the show? I think it’s super.
Mike (shocked): Wait a minute, I can’t be in the show.
Carol (laughing): You didn’t say that when I needed you, buster. You said, oh, every parent should do their part.
Marcia: Right, Mom.
Mike: I don’t sing, I can’t dance, I can’t play a musical instrument. I don’t even juggle oranges.
Greg: I already told Mrs. Tuttle you didn’t have any talent. What I mean is, anyway, she said, you can do a dramatic reading and I can accompany you on the guitar.
Carol: That sounds wonderful to me.
Marcia: Terrific.
Mike: I think I can manage a reading, but I wouldn’t know what to select, or choose, or anything.
Greg: She said to recite this.
(He hands Mike a paper.)
Mike: What does Ms. Tuttle teach? Mind reading?
Marcia: Greg, let’s go tell everyone Dad’s gonna be in the show.
Greg: Yeah.
(They walk away and Carol goes up to Mike.)
Carol: Oh, cheer up, honey. Besides raising money for a good cause, there’s another advantage to all this.
Mike: What’s that?
Carol: Well, once we learn our act, we do them all over again.
Mike: Oh yeah, how do you figure that?
Carol: Well, we have four more kids heading to Westdale High. More reading for you, my dear.
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Mike coming into the boys’ room to see Greg.)
Mike: Greg, have you read this poem that Mrs. Tuttle sent for me to recite on the family frolic night?
Greg: No.
Mike: Well, I tried it a couple of different ways but (Pause) I think we got a problem here.
Greg: What do you mean?
Mike: Well, let me try it and you guys see what you think. Come on, Peter.
(Peter and Bobby gather around him and he prepared to recite.)
Greg: Okay, go ahead. Mike (reciting): The day is done in the darkness falls from the wings of night. As a feather is wafted downward from an eagle in his flight. (Greg starts to yawn) I see the lights of the village gleam through the rain and the mist. (Greg sets a pillow down and lays on it) And a feeling of sadness comes over me, that my soul cannot resist. The feeling of sadness… (Peter and Bobby fall asleep as well) Well, I see your get the point. (He goes to sit down, feeling discouraged) I’m afraid I’m afraid I’m gonna put everyone in the audience to sleep with this thing.
Bobby: It’s doze filled all right.
Peter: Can’t you do something else?
Greg: No. Ms. Tuttle made a special point of saying she’d like you to do that poem. I guess she thinks it’s beautiful.
Mi: Well, it is a beautiful poem but, it needs some entertainment. (He suddenly gets an idea) Say, maybe there is a way we can do this after all.
Greg: How, Dad?
Mike: When I was in college, I had to do a poem called, get this, Old Bowser, Brave Bowser. (The guys laugh) So, what we did was…
(He explains to them as we cut to the next scene. Carol comes down the stairs and sees Mike going over the poem some more.)
Carol: Still worried about Mrs. Turtle’s poem, honey?
Mike: Worried about Mrs. Turtle’s poem? Ohhh….
Carol: I thought you said it was gonna be a disaster.
Mike: Eh, eh.
(She sees him writing.)
Carol: What are you doing?
Mike: Honey, honey. (He moves the paper away) You just gotta wait and see.
Carol: Oh, come on.
(Alice comes out with coffee.)
Alice: Hi there, folks. I thought you might want some nice, hot, fresh, perked coffee. Okay.
Carol: Oh, thanks, Alice.
Mike: Good idea, Alice.
Alice: Oh, it’s all right. Don’t mention it. My pleasure. No trouble at all. (to Carol) Mrs. Brady, you sure are lucky Mr. Brady isn’t a butcher.
Carol: Oh, having trouble with Sam, huh.
Alice: Not anymore. Who needs him. After all, I mean, there are a lot other fish in the sea. If you like going around with fish.
Mike: Sam’s really got you upset. Huh, Alice.
Alice: Me? Upset? Nah. Just got an ornery old butcher who’d rather play with his bowling ball than take me out to family night Frolics.
(She pours water in Mike’s cup.)
Mike: Alice.
Alice: Oh. (She continues to pour until she realizes she made a mistake) I’m sorry. I guess I forgot to put coffee in the perkulator.
(She takes back the cups while Mike continues to do his thing. Carol watches and he again hides it.)
(Cut to Sam’s butcher shop, where Jan and Cindy are waiting to speak to him. He’s just finished talking care of some customers.)
Sam: Thank you very much, come again. (to the girls) Now, let’s see, that’s one pound of Sam’s classy cold cuts. Right. (Jan nods) Well, ladies, tell me, how’s everything going at home?
Jan: Oh, everything is just fine at home.
Sam: Oh, good, good, good, and Alice?
Jan: Alice is especially fine. She’s just great.
Alice: Oh, well, that’s good. I expect that she’s been asking about me.
Cindy: Nope.
Sam (shocked): Nope.
Jan: Well, I guess she’s been too busy.
Sam: What’s she so busy about?
Jan: Well, we really shouldn’t tell you.
Sam: Tell me what?
Cindy: About the man.
Sam: What man?
Jan: There’s this guy that Alice has been going with.
Sam: Going with?
(Jan nods.)
Cindy: Practically every night.
Sam: Well, who is he?
Çindy: We don’t know, we’ve never seen him.
Jan: They’re probably meeting at some secret rendezvous.
Sam: What secret rendezvous?
Cindy: If we knew, it wouldn’t be a secret.
Jan: Whenever Alice comes home, she’s always laughing and giggling and humming.
Sam: Laughing and giggling and humming. Well, that does it.
(He takes his coat and closed sign.)
Sam: She doesn’t even have the common decency to wait till our love grows cold before she’s out galavanting with some night crawling rendezvouser!
Jan: Are you closing up?
Sam: You bet I am. Nobody gets any more meat in here until I settle Alice’s hash.
(Jan and Cindy laugh to each other. Sam comes over to settle the score.)
Sam (angry): Alice!
Alice (surprised): Sam!
Sam: All right, Alice. Who is it?
Alice: Who’s who?
Sam: I know, it’s the guy at the vegetable stand. Right?
Alice: Vegetable stand. Malcolm.
Sam: Yeah, that figures. I seen the way he looks at you when you thump his honey dews.
Alice: Sam, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Sam: Uh huh. Then it’s Ralph at the fish market.
Alice: Ralph?
Sam: Don’t deny it, Alice.
Alice: You gotta be out of your head.
Sam: Don’t argue with me, Alice. My mind is made up. You’re coming with me to the family night Frolics and that’s final.
Alice: Is that the night you got bowling practice?
Sam: Don’t tell me when to practice. I’m picking you up at 7:30 sharp. Any questions?
Alice: No, Sam. No questions.
Sam : Okay.
(He leaves.)
Alice (to no one in particular): I don’t know what you did, but thank you.
(Cut to the school. It’s the night of the show and it starts with a father and daughter playing a duet on the trumpet. Mrs. Tuttle comes out when they finish.)
Mrs. Tuttle: Wasn’t that a delight? And now, we have another delight to delight you. (Alice signals to Jan and Cindy that Marcia and Carol are on) Mrs. Carol Brady and her delightful daughter, Marcia.
(She claps and they open the curtain. We see Marcia wearing an old style costume and sitting on a bench. She looks around and finds Carol over by a trash can. They perform some comedic acts, then start to sing.)
Carol and Marcia: Wherever we go, whatever we do, we’re gonna go through it together. We may not go far, but sure as a star, wherever we are it’s together.
Carol: Wherever I go, I know she goes.
Marcia: Wherever I go, I know she goes.
Carol and Marcia: No fits, no fights, no feuds and no ego. Amigos together. Through thick and through thin, all out or all in. And whether it’s win, place or show.
With you for me and me for you, we’ll muddle through whatever we do. Together, wherever we go.
(They play a solo as Marcia and Carol do a dance.)
Carol and Marcia: Through thick and through thin, all out or all in. And whether it’s win, place or show. With you for me and me for you, we’ll muddle through whatever we do. Together, together, together. With you for me and me for you, we’ll muddle through whatever we do. Together, together, together. With you for me and me for you, we’ll muddle through whatever we do. Together, wherever we go.
(The curtain falls and Mrs. tuttle comes out again.)
Mrs. Tuttle: Wasn’t that a delight, too. But talent is not restricted to the ladies in the Brady family. No indeed. Here is Mike Brady and his son Greg in a delightful presentation of their own.
(The curtain opens as Mike and Greg appear.)
Mike: Day Is Done by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. (Greg backs Mike up with the guitar while he recites) The day is done, and the darkness falls from the wings of night, as a feather is wafted downward (some feathers fall to Mike’s surprise, causing him to stall. it was Bobby and Peter adding props to the scene) a feather is wafted downward from an eagle in his flight. (They bring an eagle down to the stage and the audience laughs) I see the lights of the village gleam through the rain and the mist (the boys pour water down on Mike, making him wet) and a feeling of sadness comes over me that my soul cannot resist. A feeling of sadness and longing, that is not akin to pain and resembles sorrow only as the mist resembles the rain (The boys pour more water down, much to Mike’s horror. The audience laughs) Not from the grand old masters, not from the bards sublime, whose distant footsteps echo through the corridors of time (Greg bangs a little on the guitar. Mike slaps at him to stop) For, like strains of martial music
(Peter turns on the radio and it plays music. Mike gets startled. then he and Bobby pull down the eagle and throw down feathers and water. Mike puts up an umbrella as the scene fades.)
(The final scene has Mike coming home from work through the backdoor.)
Mike: Carol, honey.
Carol (coming in the family room): Hi, sweetheart. I was just fixing you something cold to drink.
(She kisses him.)
Mike (sitting down): Well, any repercussions on the family night frolics?
Carol: I tell you, that telephone hadn’t stopped ringing all day.
Mike: Threatening phone calls?
Carol: No, they were very complimentary.
Mike: Well naturally, you and Marcia were great.
Carol: There were just as many calls for you and Greg. I tell you, you guys were a smash hit. You know, it was really a very big shoot.
(Alice comes in the family room.)
Alice: Excuse me, folks. Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. Turkey with all the trimmings. We are celebrating Thanksgiving.
Mike: Thanksgiving? Alice, I think your calendar is a little mixed up.
Alice: Thanksgiving to me. Sam’s back and I got him.
(She leaves.)
Carol: well, since we’re celebrating holidays. Happy Easter.
Mike: Merry Christmas.
(They take sips of their drinks.)
THE END
Brady Bunch Scriptman 