Written by Adele Styler and Burt Styler
Greg writes an essay about architecture, causing Mike to believe he wants to follow in his footsteps. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(The episode begins with Mike coming home from work. Greg is upstairs doing homework and Marcia comes in to see him.)
Marcia: Greg, are you busy?
Greg: Just homework.
Marcia: Want to help me with mine? Geometry. (He takes a look at it) I really can’t see what good this is gonna do me later in life.
Greg: Geometry sharpens the mind. Makes you think.
Marcia: Huh, makes me think I’m stupid.
Greg: Let’s see where you went wrong here, dumbhead.
(Mike walks through the living room. He puts his briefcase down on the trunk by the stairway, then goes upstairs. He passes by the room, where Marcia notices an essay written by Greg.)
Greg: Hey, you got an A on this. The importance of choosing a career.
Greg: It’s just an English composition.
(Mike comes in the room.)
Mike: Hi, kids.
Greg: Hi, Dad.
Mike: What was that about choosing a career, son?
Greg: Oh, it’s just something I wrote for English class.
Mike: Oh yeah?
Marcia (reading): Skyscrapers are more than the concrete blocks and steel girders. Homes are more than the wood and the bricks in which they’re made. Modern buildings begin with the architect stream. My father is an architect, and as for me, I would like to become one too, and share in that dream.
Greg: Come on, Marcia.
Mike: Now, wait a minute. I’d like to hear this.
(Marcia continues to read.)
Marcia: Architecture is an exciting career. It goes with the imagination of the architect.
Greg (sternly): Marcia.
Mike: I never knew you really wanted to be an architect. I thought it was just a summer job when you worked at the office last vacation.
Greg: Well, Dad, it doesn’t…
Mike: You know, I can talk to Mr. Philips for you this summer and I’m sure he’ll let you have a job. He’ll give you a real practical experience.
Greg: He would.
Mike: Would you like that?
Greg: Dad, the idea is…
Mike: Good, good. Consider it done.
(He happily walks out of the room.)
Marcia: Wow, you made Dad a happy man.
Greg: Yeah, isn’t it awful?
Marcia (surprised): Awful?
Greg: How’s he gonna feel when he hears the truth?
Marcia: What do they mean the truth?
Greg: Marcia, the only reason I wrote that stuff is because I couldn’t think of anything else. I don’t know what I want to be. Me, an architect?
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Mike and Carol enjoying coffee in the living room.)
Mike: Boy, honey, this coffee is great.
Carol: Boy, are you in a good mood tonight.
Carol: The lamb chops were great. The salad was great. the rolls were great. How come you didn’t say the salt and pepper was great?
Mike: Uh! I forgot, the salt and pepper was great. I don’t know, may be great. Oh, I’m so proud Greg wants to follow in my footsteps.
Carol: Listen, Mike, I’m just as proud as you are.
(Peter and Jan come running down the stairs.)
Peter: Mom, Dad, can we talk to you?
Mike: Yeah, sure kids.
Jan: Well, it all started with Greg and his career.
Carol: Boy, that was the big topic at dinner tonight, wasn’t it.
Jan: Well, it started us thinking about our careers.
Peter: After all, I’m only two years younger than Greg.
Mike (excited): You want to be an architect.
Peter: No sir, suppose I was a better one than you are, Dad. I’d put you out of business.
(They all laugh.)
Mike (to Carol): That’s what I call real self center blocks. Well, have you decided on anything?
Peter: I’ll give you a hint. (He sits down) Dr. Brady wanted in surgery. Dr. Brady report to surgery.
Carol: Well, I’ll take a wild guess. A doctor.
Jan: And I want to be a nurse.
Carol: A doctor and a nurse. I think that’s great.
Jan: And we’re gonna cure all kinds of terrific diseases.
Mike (laughing): Boy, I feel sorry for the germs already.
Peter (to Jan): Come on. We got to get down to the chemistry set and start some experimenting.
Jan: Yeah. (to the parents) See you later.
Carol: (calling): Not like last time! I don’t want some strange, hairy things growing in the refrigerator.
(Cut to upstairs. Marcia comes into Greg’s room to speak to him.)
Marcia: Greg, did you tell Dad last night?
Greg: No, I didn’t have the heart. He was so happy, I couldn’t say anything.
Marcia: You gotta let him know.
Greg: I know, but I got a better way than telling him. (He gets up from his seat) I’ll show him.
Marcia: What do you mean?
Greg: take a look at this. (He shows her a drawing he made. She looks at it then turns it upside down) No, it was right the other way.
Marcia: It was?
Greg: Yeah, it’s not quite finished yet, but what do you think?
Marcia: Well. First tell me what it is.
Greg: That’s a modern house.
Marcia: Is that the driveway?
Greg: That is the moat.
Marcia (laughing): A moat? That is weird. Really weird.
Greg: Great, because that’s what it’s supposed to be. The new Greg Brady style is supposed to be weird. Really weird.
Marcia (laughing): I say it shows a fantastic lack of talent.
Greg: And that ought to do it. When Dad sees that, he’s got to say I don’t belong in the architect business. At least then I don’t have to disappoint them.
Marcia: That’s a terrific idea. A moat?
(She leaves the room. We next see Mike in the den. Greg comes in to show him his design.)
Greg: Busy, Dad?
Mike: No, son, come on in.
(Greg walks in.)
Greg; I made this drawing. Thought maybe you could tell me what you think.
Mike: Yeah, I’d be glad you. Here, let’s take a look.
(He sees athe drawing and gives a surprised look.)
Greg: What do you think?
Mike (nodding): Mmm hmm, mmm hmm. Well, I can think several things here.
Greg: Is it any good?
Mike: Well, I don’t think it’s a (Pause) When you first start out, it isn’t really a question of good or bad. It’s a question of….
Greg: Isn’t that a great house?
Mike: A house? oh, yeah, yeah. (He laughs) This looks almost like a moat.
Greg: It is. (They laugh) I was trying for something different.
Mike: Well, I think you achieved that affect, all right.
Greg: Bet you never seen anything like it before.
Mike: No, never have. (He gets up and walks around while looking at it) Well, this is very interesting, yes.
Greg: You mean you like it?
Mike: Well, in any form of art, we look for potential. And this shows potential, and it shows an awful lot of hard work.
Greg (shocked): It does.
Mike: Yes, yes, you keep at it. And I’ll hang on to this and look it over more carefully.
(He sits down.)
Greg: Okay. Thanks, Dad.
(He turns to walk out. Then turns around, then leaves. He shuts the door behind him and fumes at himself.)
(Later that night, Carol looks at the sketch and shares Mike’s negative attitude about Greg’s ability.)
Carol: Oh, poor Greg.
Mike: Yeah. I couldn’t tell him the truth. He was so excited about being an architect.
Carol: Oh, but Mike, do you think it’s right to encourage him?
Mike (getting up): You know, it’s his first effort. I don’t want him to lose his confidence. You know, maybe, maybe if he had the proper tools, and I gave him a drafting kit, and a book that would help him with his perspective.
Carol: Oh boy, does he need perspective.
(The next scene has Peter and Jan coming in with books )
Jan: Hi, Alice.
Alice: Where did you get all those books?
Peter: At the library. They’re medical books.
Jan: Every one of them has got pages and pages of terrific diseases.
Alice (sarcastically): Hmm, that sounds exciting.
Peter: A doctor’s got to know every disease in these books. If we wants to make people well.
Alice: I know an easier way to make them well. Tell them how much it will cost to be sick.
(They laugh. We next see Peter and Jan on the patio, studying their books.)
Jan: Listen to this one. Paracardial tampanade.
Peter: Paracardial tampanade? That sure sounds like a powerful disease.
Jan: It is. When you get that, you have to be rushed to the hospital and get operated on in minutes.
Peter: Fantastic. Write that one down. (He looks in his book as Alice comes out) Hey, listen to this one. Nasopharyngitis acute curidahul.
Jan: Wow, I’d hate to get that. What is it?
Peter: A cold with a runny nose. (Jan laughs) That’s the great thing about doctors, they can make anything sound awful.
Alice: How’s the research coming, Dr. Brady?
Peter: Fantastic. So far we got 14 fatal diseases, 7 semi-fatal ones, and a whole page of things that can put you in the hospital for at least a year.
Alice (sarcastically): That is a fun book.
(She bends over and then groans.)
Peter: What’s the matter?
Alice: Oh, just the old crique.
Jan: Quick, look up crique.
(They rush over to help.)
Peter: Where does it hurt? Point to it.
Alice: If I pointed to it, I’d break my arm.
Peter: We got to know exactly., Alice.
Alice: It’s about where the neck one connects to the backbone.
Peter: Nurse, diagram.
Jan (pulling it out): Here, doctor.
Peter: It’s too wide for your liver
Alice: Maybe I got my liver in the wrong place.
Jan: What other symptoms do you have?
Peter: I’m the doctor, and I’ll ask the questions. (to Alice) What other symptoms do you have?
Alice: Well, now that you asked, sometimes I get this pain right here.
(She reaches to her leg.)
Peter (to Jan): Write this one down.
Alice: And then I got a pain right here (her head) and a pain right here (her side).
Jan: You got some swell symptoms.
Alice (to Peter): Do you think it’s fatal, doctor?
Peter: Hmm, I’m not sure, Alice. But you oughtta look on the bright side.
Alice: Bright side?
Peter: Yeah, if it is fatal, you’ll never get it again.
(She laughs and gives Peter a playful slap, then her pain comes back. We next see Bobby and Cindy coming into the kitchen to see Alice.)
Cindy: Hey, Alice.
Alice: That’s me.
Bobby: You know, we already have two architects, a doctor and a nurse in the family.
Cindy: So we figured we better hurry up and pick out a couple of careers for us, too.
Bobby: Yeah, it’d be terrible if we grew up and didn’t do anything.
Alice (sarcastically): Yeah, the first thing you know, you’re 12 years old and no visible means of support.
Cindy: I’m gonna be a model. (She turns around and does the model walk.) They get to wear all those long dresses with ostage feathers and stuff.
Bobby: I’m going to be an astronaut. Probably the first man on Mars.
Bobby: So from now on I better eat what they do, you know, all that powdered junk.
Alice (sarcastically): I’ll start crushing food in the morning.
Cindy; I think I better have a special diet, too, Alice.
Alice: How come?
Cindy: For modeling. I have to worry about keeping my figure.
Alice: Don’t you think you better wait till you got one?
(Cut to the living room, where Marcia is coaching Cindy. She shows her how to walk with a book on her head.)
Marcia: See, that’s how you do it.
Cindy: It looks kind of silly.
Marcia: It’s supposed to teach you how to walk gracefully. (She gives it to Cindy) Come on, you try it. Turn around, balance it, stand up straight, go.
(Cindy walks but the book falls off her head.)
Cindy: Models must have flat heads.
Marcia: Just keep practicing. Now let’s see if you can make it all the way through the kitchen.
Cindy: That’s the hardest room of all.
Marcia: How come?
Cindy: I have to pass that cookie jar.
Marcia (laughing): Come on, keep your balance. Whoops.
(The book falls off Cindy’s head. Greg comes down the stairs.)
Greg: Marcia, I’ve made up my mind. I’m gonna have to do something drastic.
Marcia: Like what?
Greg: Tell him the truth. I’m just gonna have to walk up to Dad and say Dad, I don’t like it, I’m no good at it, and I just don’t want to be an architect.
(At this moment, Mike comes in the door.)
Marcia: Here’s your chance.
Mike: Hi, kids.
Marcia: Hi, Dad. I better go help in the kitchen.
(She leaves and Greg gives an annoyed look.)
Greg: Dad, there’s something I have to tell you.
Mike: As a matter of fact, I want to talk to you, too.
Greg: About that drawing.
Mike: That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. You know, you’ve been working under a handicap. You remember these? (He shows him) Yeah, that’s my drafting kit I had put away sort of a keepsake, but they’re yours, now.
Mike: Yeah, because the correct equipment can make all the difference in the work you do.
Greg: Oh, thanks, Dad.
Mike: And I want you to use my den and my drafting table whenever you feel like it. What do you think about that? (Greg tries to speak but is interrupted) You’re well on your way to being an architect. (He slaps his shoulder) How about that?
(Mike walks off.)
Greg: How about that?
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Greg in the den. He hears what Mike said earlier in his head.
Greg (repeating): Yeah, how about that?
(He gets up and paces. Cindy comes in with a glass of milk and cookies.)
Cindy (whispering): Mom said to give you these, but I’m not to disturb you, because you’re drawing something very important.
Greg: Thanks, Cindy.
Cindy: I’m not disturbing you, am I?
Greg: No. No, you’re not disturbing me.
Cindy: Because Mother told me not to disturb you.
Greg: it’s okay.
Cindy: Greg, can you ask you one more question without disturbing you?
Greg: What is it?
Cindy: How come you haven’t drawn anything?
Greg: Cindy, I got certain problems.
Cindy: Then I guess I better go. I don’t want to disturb you.
(She leaves and Greg stays there to ponder. Cut to the backyard, where Alice comes to hang some wash and Bobby is playing in the doghouse.)
Bobby: Hi, Alice.
Alice (looking around): Bobby.
Bobby: Yeah, hi.
Alice: Where are you?
Bobby: In here.
Alice: In here where?
(He sticks his head outside. He has a space helmet on and a transistor radio.)
Alice: What are you doing in the doghouse?
Bobby: It’s not a doghouse right now. It’s an Apollo 57 space capsule. I’m getting myself in condition to be an astronaut.
Alice: You mean Astro mutt.
Bobby: Don’t tell anybody else I’m in here. I don’t wanna have any contact with Earth people.
Alice: Right. I’ll remove myself as soon as I finish hanging up this Earth laundry.
Bobby: I’ve got to get used to the loneliness of outer space.
Alice: Well, don’t spend so long in outer space. You’ll forget we’re having dinner at 6 sharp in inner space. Roger?
(Cut to the den. Greg is in their with Marcia and the drafting kit Mike gave him.)
Greg: If Dad hasn’t given me these beautiful tools. (Marcia hands him one) Now he’s expecting me to draw something terrific.
Marcia: Yeah, if you don’t come up with something now, he’s really gonna be disappointed.
Greg: I’ll say. (He gets up and paces) No, wait, that’s it.
Marcia: What’s it?
Greg: If after all this, if I were to come up with something even weirder, why, he’ll have to admit I’d starve as an architect.
Marcia: Hey, right. Think you can do worse than your last drawing?
Greg (laughing): If you think that one was bad, wait till you see this.
(He sits down to make another drawing nd Marcia laughs. Cut to upstairs, where a worried Peter is sitting at the desk.)
Peter: Oh, no.
(Jan comnes in the room.)
Jan: Peter, the stuff in the test tube hasn’t turned green yet. So I think that maybe… (she notices Peter’s face) what’s the matter?
Peter: Jan, I got terrible news.
Jan: What do you mean?
Peter: I’ve got an awful disease. I got (he looks up) ani, anti car… oh, it’s so terrible, I can’t even pronounce it.
Jan: Are you sure you got it?
Peter: Sure I’m sure. Look up the symptoms. Shortness of breath. Remember last week in school, when I had to run a mile? Remember how I couldn’t stop panting?
Jan: I remember.
Peter: And this. (demonstrating his hand) Sore finger joints. And I thought it was from playing baseball without a mitt on.
Jan: You mean it isn’t?
Peter: No. It’s from this terrible thing I got that I can’t pronounce.
Jan: Well, now that I look at you, you are kind of pale.
Peter: Oh, that’s the clencher. Facial discoloration, a lack of color.
Jan: It’s you, all right.
Peter: I’m cooked. I’ve got it.
Jan: Does it say how much time you got left?
Peter: It says here, about 6 months.
Jan: Well, is there anything you can take?
Peter: If I were rich, I could take a tour around the world.
Jan: I’d better break the news to Mom and Dad.
Peter: No, it’s my job. I’ll do it.
Jan: What will you say?
Peter: I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell them to look on the brightside. After all, they still have 5 kids left.
(Mike and Carol are downstairs in the living room. Mike looks through the window to his den.)
Mike (laughing, to Carol): Greg’s still in there working away?
Carol: I know, he’s been at it all afternoon. I’ve never seen him so intense about anything.
Mike: Well, I guess it was those drafting tools I gave him.
Carol: Can’t wait to see what he’s drawn, huh.
Mike: Oh, I can wait.
Carol: Oh, sure you can. Just like an expectant mother in her 10th month.
(Peter comes down the stairs. He then goes up to Mike and Carol.)
(He stands there and starts at them. They both look up.)
Mike: You got something on your mind, Pete?
Peter: Me. Nothing Dad, not a thing.
(He continues to stare and they look up at him again.)
Carol: Peter, are you sure you don’t have something on your mind?
Peter: No, uh yeah, I mean, I feel just fine. I never felt better in my whole short life.
Mike: Yeah, well, we didn’t ask you how you felt.
Carol: What do you mean short life?
Peter: Oh, nothing.
Carol: Peter, are you sure you’re all right? You’re not coming down with a cold, are you?
Peter: A cold, ha.
Mike: All right, Peter, spill it. You’re trying to tell us something.
Peter: Well, actually, I wanted (Pause) I wanted to ask you something.
Peter: Do you have to be 21 to write a will?
Carol (surprised): A will?
Mike (laughing): A will?
Carol: Peter, what are you worried about a will for?
Peter: Well, I’m not worried. It’s just that, for instance, that new skateboard I got. I just wanted to make sure it doesn’t end up in the wrong hands.
Mike: All right, Peter. What’s this all about? The truth now.
(Peter ponders, then he sits down and shows them the medical book.)
Peter: It’s all here. (He opens the book) Page 95. The paragraph on the bottom. Brace yourself, Mom, Dad. It’s not gonna be easy.
(They look it up.)
Mike: You mean this? Anacardiaceae?
Peter: So that’s how you pronounce it.
Mike: Yeah, what about it?
Peter: It’s fatal, and I’ve got it.
Carol: What do you mean?
(They read and then finally find something.)
Carol: Hey, Peter, wait a minute. You didn’t read this very carefully. There are two pages stuck together.
Mike: You’ve gone from page 95 to page 98. You got the symptom of one disease and the diagnosis of another.
Peter: You mean, I haven’t got the fatal one?
Mike: Well, I doubt that very much. Well, the fatal one can only be contracted through the bite of the bandicoot or the hyena after having eaten the bark of certain trees in India and South Africa.
Carol: Have you been to India or South Africa lately?
Peter: Gee, what have I got?
Carol: Hmm, well, let’s see, if you’re suffering from anacardiaceae, that is the scientific name for poison ivy.
Peter (excited): Poison ivy?
Carol: That’s all it is, you’ll itch but you’ll live.
Peter (happy): Thanks, I better go tell my nurse!
(Later on, Carol and Mike are in their room and Greg knocks on the door.)
Greg: Can I come in?
Mike: Sure, Greg, come on in.
(He comes in the room with another drawing.)
Greg: Well, here it is. And Dad, those tools you gave me really made a difference.
Mike: Let’s take a look.
(He looks at it but can’t seem to mske a statement. He shows it to Carol.)
Greg: You hate it.
Mike: No, no, not at all.
Carol: Not at all.
Greg: You mean you think it’s good?
Mike: Well, I think it shows tremendous effort.
(Greg is out in the hall talking to Marcia.)
Greg: Tremendous effort. They said it showed tremendous effort. I can’t believe it.
Marcia: Greg, you got no choice. No matter how much it hurts Dad, you goitta tell him.
(Back in the bedroom, Mike and Carol are less than pleased.)
Carol: He’s hopeless as an architect, isn’t he.
Mike: Honey, let’s face it. What we have here is Frank Lloyd Wrong.
Carol: You know, I think you oughtta tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurts.
Greg: Can I come in again?
Carol: Sure, Greg, come in.
(He comes in and he and Mike start talking at the same time.)
Greg: Dad, let me say this. I just don’t want to be an architect, no matter how much you’d like it, I’m sorry, but, that’s the way it is.
Mike: You don’t?
Mike: Greg, just because I’m an architect doesn’t mean you have to be an architect.
Greg: I don’t?
Carol: Honey, your father and I want you to be what you want to be.
Greg: What a relief.
Mike: Yes it is.
(Greg sits down with them.)
Greg: Dad, I shouyld’ve leveled with you in the first place.
Mike: Well, I guess I should’ve leveled with you too, son. Those drawings you made were, were, were, pretty.
Greg and Mike in unison: Bad.
Carol: Well, that’s funny, I didn’t think they were bad at all. (They look at her with surprise) I think they’re the worst things I’ve ever seen in my life.
(She throws them at him and Mike playfully slaps Greg and he falls to the floor. The scene fades.)
(The final scene has Alice leaving for the market and Bobby and Cindy catch up to her.)
Cindy: Oh, good, you didn’t go shopping yet.
Alice: Did you want to add something to the list?
Bobby: We sure do.
Alice: Ok, shoot.
Cindy: Marshmallows, donuts, pretzels.
Bobby: Caramel corn, peanuts, popcorn, a bottle of cherries, potato chips.
Cindy: And some of those loops.
(Alice gives her signature whistle.)
Alice: Wait a minute, how do you expect to eat all that and still be an astronaut and a model?
Bobby: Oh, we’re through with all that.
Cindy: We decided to have more sensible careers.
Alice: Oh, like what?
Bobby: I’m going to be a professional football player, but I have to be real heavy.
Alice (to Cindy): And you?
Cindy: I’m going to be a lady wrestler. Chocolate pudding.
Bobby: Vanilla and strawberry ice cream.
(They mention a few other sweets.)
Alice: Splendid, now what would you like for dessert?