Written by Bill Freedman & Ben Gershman
Greg is on the committee to choose the new head cheerleader. However, Marcia and his girlfriend, Jennifer, are among the contestants. I hope you like the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
JENNIFER, Greg’s girlfriend
PAT, other contestant for cheerleader
(The episode begins at Greg’s school. He is out on the campus wandering. He gives a friend of his 5 and then gets a drink from the fountain. A very pretty girl sees him and stops to ponder. When he starts to walk away, she accidentally bumps into him.)
Greg; Oh, I’m sorry.
Jennifer: I’m not. I’ve been wanting to meet you. I’m Jennifer Nichols.
Greg: Hi, I’m Greg Brady.
Jennifer: I know. I’ve been aware of you for a long time. You probably didn’t notice.
Greg: Are you kidding? I’ve wanted to meet you too.
Jennifer: You know, I’ll bet we have a lot in common.
Greg (abruptly): I’ll bet we have. What do you like? Movies, sports, surfing?
Jennifer (excited): Are you a surfer?
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer: Fantastic. I should have known with a physique like yours.
Greg: Oh, I kind of lift weights to keep in shape.
Jennifer: Huh, maybe I should try something like that.
Greg: What for? Your shape doesn’t need any improving.
Jennifer (laughing): Thanks. I’d still love to learn how to surf, though.
Greg: Maybe I can teach you a few things.
Jennifer: Great. I’m not doing a thing Saturday.
Greg: You are now. Pick you up at ten.
(He starts to walk away.)
Jennifer: Hey, don’t you want my number?
(He tries to find a pen and paper for her to write her number on.)
Jennifer: Wait, no, I have one. (She pulls a pen out and then writes on his hand) 814-9031. See you later, Greggy.
(He reads her number, then puts his hand down and watches her walk away, in a daze. The scene fades away.)
(The next scene is in the backyard, where Marcia is practicing cheers to Jan and Cindy.)
Marcia: One, two, tell me who are you, the bears. Three, four, whose gonna score, the bears. Five, six, tell me who’s got the kicks, the bears. (to the girls) well, that was the beginning. What do you think?
Cindy: It looks like you’re swatting a fly.
Jan: What are you knocking yourself out for?
Marcia: Because I wanna be chosen the head cheerleader, that’s why.
Jan: Well, how could you miss? Greg’s the head cheerleader. Greg’s the chairman of the committee who picks the head cheerleader.
Marcia: So, what’s that got to do with it?
Jan: Well, Greg’s your brother.
Marcia: So what?
Cindy: Brothers and sisters are relatives. Get it?
Marcia: Cindy, I’m gonna win this fair and square. Brother or no brother.
(Greg comes by in a happy mood.)
Greg (smiling): Hello.
(He walks by and pats Cindy’s head.)
Jan: What’s with him.
(Greg goes in the house. Peter and Bobby are arguing.)
Peter: Baloney, Joe Namath has a better passing average. Almost 6 out of 10, that’s 60 percent.
Bobby: But Roman Gabriel has a better passing average.
(Greg comes in the door.)
Peter: I’ll prove it. (to Greg) Greg, what is Joe Namath’s passing average?
(He comes in the kitchen.)
Carol: Hi, Greg.
Greg: Hi, Mom.
Carol: How was school today?
Greg: Couldn’t be better.
(He inadvertently puts his books in the freezer, then he grabs an apple.)
Greg: Hi, Alice.
(She and Carol look on with bewilderment as Greg leaves the kitchen.)
Alice: I think he’s invented a new subject, frozen geometry.
(They laugh as he head sinto the living room, where Mike is practicing golf.)
Mike: Hi, son.
Greg: Hi, Dad.
Mike: Watch this. (He makes a shot and the ball hits a glass on the floor, which he used as a hole.) Jack Nicklaus, eat your heart out.
Greg: Great putt, Dad.
Mike: We’re gonna murder them tomorrow.
Greg: Murder who?
Mike: Joe Nelson and that overgrown son of his. He’s been needling me all week because they beat us on Saturday.
Greg: Oh, no, I forgot all about our game tomorrow, Dad. (Mike is surprised) I met this fantastic girl at school and, sort of made a date with her on Saturday.
Mike: All right, say no more. I remember the priorities at your age. I’ll get another partner.
Greg: Thanks, Dad.
(Carol comes in the living room with Greg’s books.)
Carol: Uh, Greg. You left these in the refrigerator.
Mike (laughing): The refrigerator. That must be some girl.
Greg: Oh yeah, some girl.
(He takes his books and goes upstairs.)
Mike (to Carol): Yeah, well, meeting with Sam Murdoch tomorrow.
Carol: Mike, listen, I was thinking, you know, if I took a lesson or two, I could learn to play golf and then you wouldn’t have to go looking for a partner.
Mike: A lesson or two?
Mike: Honey, golf is a very complicated game.
Carol: Yes, but I’m very good at sports. You must admit, I’m a very good swimmer.
Mike: Well, yes, but swimming is one thing but golf is another. Listen, it’s taken me years and years of practice just to be terrible.
(She takes his golf bag and equipment and walks away. Greg is upstairs in his room. He is looking in the mirror and combing his hair. Peter and Bobby are watching.)
Bobby: Greg, if you’re going surfing, how come you’re combing your hair?
Peter: He must have a new girlfriend. He always combs his hair when he has a new girlfriend.
Greg: Don’t you guys have anything to do but watch me.
Bobby (teasing): What’s she like, Greg?
Greg (teasing back): What’s it to you?
Peter: She’s got to be a real beast. Or he’d want to talk about her.
Bobby: He’s probably going out with King Kong’s sister.
Peter: Yeah, where did you meet her? On top of the Empire State Building?
(They both start acting like monkeys.)
Greg: Keep it up, and when I come back I’ll bring you two monkeys a bunch of bananas.
(The throws a towel at them and they continue with their monkey shenanigans.)
(Cut to the backyard, where Alice is coaching Carol with golf lessons. Alice is reading instructions from a book.)
Alice: Place extended left hand over top of shafted three knuckles visible. Okay?
Alice: Right. Place right hand over the left so that the right palm covers the left thumb. (She turns another page) With toes pointed outward, slightly swatted, bend at the waist, moving waist to the right, shoulders under the chin, and bring club head slowly back. (Carol puts herself in the position) Okay now, is the club head slowly back?
Carol: Yeah, just a second.
Alice: Keeping head steady, eyes on the ball, start your down swing.
(Carol attempts to but accidentally hits the clothesline and the club falls from her grip.)
Carol: Guess we better try that again, huh, Alice.
Alice: Next time holler fore, would you?
(She hands Carol the book and walks away.)
(Next, we see Greg surfing at the beach. Then he and Jennifer go to order a snack.)
Greg: What will you have?
Jennifer: I don’t know, you decide for me.
Greg: Okay. (to the clerk) Two chihuahuas please. Light on the mustard, heavy on the pickle. A double order of French fries, two orange drinks.
Jennifer: Oh, Greg, you’re so sure of yourself.
Greg: It’s just a matter of self-confidence.
Jennifer: That’s one of the most appealing traits. I mean, so few men are. (Greg smiles with pride) And, why didn’t you tell me you were such a fantastic surfer?
Greg: Well, I wouldn’t say fantastic.
Jennifer: But you are. I bet it ruined your whole day to teach a beginner like me.
Greg: Oh no, I loved it. You weren’t scared, were you?
Jennifer: Scared? How could I be scared with your big, strong arms around me to protect me.
Greg: I wouldn’t want to lose my prized pupil, would I? (Jennifer shakes her head no) Oh, here we are.
(Their food arrives and Jennifer takes a bite. Greg goes to pay.)
Jennifer: Mmm, this is good. You certainly can pick them.
Greg (looking straight at her): Yes, I certainly can pick them.
Jennifer: Oh, Greggy.
(They eat their food. Greg comes home and see Peter and Bobby working on a bicycle. Greg gets out of the car.)
Peter (playfully): Here comes loverboy.
Bobby (playfully): Oh, I’m swooning with love.
(He acts like he’s in love and falls down.)
Greg: Okay, listen you guys. I’m bringing Jennifer over to meet Mom and Dad. I don’t want any clowning around, understand.
Peter (innocently): Who, us?
Greg: Yeah, you wanna clown around, go join the circus.
(He leaves while they watch with glee. He inside and sees Carol in the kitchen.)
Greg: Hi, Mom.
Carol: Hi, Greg, did u have a good time?
Greg: The best day of my life. Mom, I wanna bring Jennifer over to meet you and Dad.
Carol: Oh, well sure, Greg. We’d love to meet her.
Greg: How about tonight? I’m taking her out to a movie.
Carol (surprised): Didn’t you see enough of her today?
Greg: Mom, can a person get tired of looking at the Mona Lisa?
(The next scene has Carol telling Mike what Greg said.)
Mike (laughing): Mona Lisa? Did he really say that?
Carol: He sure did. Mona Lisa may have the smile, but apparently Jennifer’s got everything else to go along with it.
(Greg comes in with Jennifer.)
Greg: I’m sure you’re gonna like them. (He and Jennifer walk into the living room, where Mike and Carol are having coffee) Mom, Dad, this is Jennifer Nichols.
Mike (getting up): Hello, Jennifer.
(He shakes her hand.)
Jennifer: So you’re Greg’s father. Well, it’s certainly not hard to see where Greg gets his good looks.
(Mike gets flattered and Carol smiles suspiciously. Jennifer starts looking around the living room.)
Jennifer: What a marvelous house you have here, Mrs. Brady. No wonder Greg has such good taste.
Greg (to Carol and Mike): Isn’t she something?
Carol: Yeah, she sure is.
Mike: Yes, indeed.
(Jennifer picks up a picture of the family.)
Jennifer: What a lovely picture. Are these all your children?
Mike: Yeah, I sure hope so.
(Carol lightly slaps his wrist and he laughs.)
Jennifer: Your other two sons are very nice looking, Mr. Brady. But Greg, well…
Carol: Did you two kids enjoy surfing today?
Jennifer: Oh, at first I was terrified. But when you’re with someone who’s so strong and capable.
Greg (embarrassed): Now, Jennifer.
Jennifer: You know you are, Greggy.
Carol (to Mike): Greggy?
Greg: I think if we’re gonna go to that movie, we should get started.
Mike: What picture are you gonna see?
Greg: They got a great science fiction picture playing at the cornet.
Jennifer: Really exciting, I saw it.
Greg: Oh, well, we can go see something else.
Jennifer: No, Greg, you wanna see that picture, so, that’s where you’re going.
Greg: Oh no, it’s not that important.
Jennifer: I’ll be happy to see it again. (to Mike and Carol) It was a pleasure to meet you.
Carol: You too, Jennifer.
Carol: Have fun.
Greg: Thanks, good night.
(He opens the door and Jennifer walks out. He follows as Mike and Carol waves.)
Mike (to Carol): Talk about a snow job.
Carol: Yeah, boy, she can give lessons to Jack Frost. What do you suppose she’s after?
Mike: Well, I don’t know, but I get the feeling whatever Jennifer wants, Jennifer gets.
(The next scene has Marcia in the living room practicing more for head cheerleader, with Jan and Cindy watching.)
Cindy: What’s so important about being an old cheerleader anyway?
Marcia: Well, it’s a great honor, it shows you got spirit, and it helps you inspire people. And you get to meet all the football players. (She stops to have a drink) let’s see, I better try that one more time. (She picks up her pom-poms) Okay, ready and, 3,4, tell me who’s gonna score.(she runs into Greg, who comes in the room) Hey, that will really fire them up, huh, Greg?
Greg: No comment?
Marcia: What do you mean no comment?
Greg: If you’re trying to influence me because I’m chairman for the judging committee, you’re wasting your time.
Marcia (hurt): Influence you? I just wanted your opinion.
Greg: Just because you’re my sister, don’t expect any favors.
Marcia: Who’s asking for any?
Greg: When I vote, Marcia, it doesn’t matter who the contestant is, I’m gonna be fair and impartial.
(The phone rings and he answers. it’s Jennifer.)
Jennifer: Hi, Greggy.
Greg: Oh, just a minute. (He turns to the girls) Do you mind? I’d like a little privacy.
(They all get up to leave.)
Marcia (sarcastically): My pleasure.
Greg (back on the phone): Hello, Jennifer.
Jennifer: I want to thank you for the movie. I just found out the craziest coincidence.
Greg: What’s that?
Jennifer: I didn’t know you were on the committee to pick the head cheerleader.
Greg: I’m the chairman. What’s the coincidence?
Jennifer: I’m entering the contest to be the head cheerleader.
Greg: You’re entering the contest?
Jennifer: That’s the dream I’ve always had, to be the head cheerleader. Wish me luck, Greggy. Bye.
(She hangs up. Greg hears his words to Marcia repeated in his head, about being fair and impartial.)
Greg: Wish me luck.
(The scene fades away.)
(The next scene is at Greg’s school. Greg comes out of the building and sees Jennifer.)
Jennifer: Glad I ran into you. I wanted to ask you something.
Grerg: Sure, about what?
Jennifer: Cheerleader tryouts. Not about the cheers or anything. I wouldn’t want to use our friendship that way, would I.
Greg: Of course not.
Jennifer: I thought I’d wear this to the tryouts. I picked blue because it’s your favorite color, Greggy. How do you think it looks?
Greg: I think it looks terrific.
Jennifer: I hoped you’d say that. Got to run, bye.
(Marcia comes up to him, angry.)
Marcia: Well, if it isn’t Mr. fair and impartial.
Greg: What’s that supposed to mean?
Marcia: You wouldn’t even watch me practice, but you can help her pick an outfit.
Greg: Marcia, do you think I’d vote for her because she’s ….
Marcia: Your girlfriend? Greggy.
Greg: She has just as much right to enter the contest as anybody.
Marcia: And even more, she’s just one sure vote.
Greg: Oh, come on, Marcia.
Marcia: Well, I got one constellation. There are three other judges. At least I’ve got a chance to win their votes fair and square.
(She storms off. Cut back to the house, where Carol is still practicing golf, with Alice’s coaching.)
Alice: You’re doing just fine, Mrs. Brady. It’s not your fault the ball won’t co-operate.
(She hits the ball again but misses.)
Carol: Golf isn’t a game, it’s a form of torture.
(Bobby and Cindy come home from school.)
Bobby: Hi, Mom.
Cindy: Hi, Alice.
Carol: You kids are home from school already? (She looks at her watch) My goodness, I had no idea it was so late.
Cindy: What are you doing?
Carol: Oh, I, well I was, trying to surprise your father by learning how to play golf. It’s a lot tougher than I thought.
Bobby (checking it over): It doesn’t look tough to me. All you have to do is hit the ball into that little thing.
Carol (nodding): That’s all.
Bobby: Can I try it?
Carol: Sure, be my guest.
(She hands him the club. Then looks confidently as Alice. Bobby strikes the ball and it lands right in the hole. Carol is very surprised.)
Cindy: See, it’s not so tough.
(He hands Carol back the club. She hands Bobby his books and he and Cindy walk away.)
Carol: There goes what’s left of my ego. Here I’ve been trying to do this for hours. Bobby walks up, hardly looking, and just… (She tries again and this time succeeds. She gets excited) Ahh, I did it.
Alice: Mrs. Brady, I think you found the secret to golf. Don’t look.
(The next scene has Marcia coming in from practicing cheerleading.)
Marcia: Wow, am I beat.
Jan: You’ll probably be practicing in your sleep. What are you working so hard for?
Marcia: Because i’m fighting an uphill battle.
Jan: What do you mean?
Marcia: I mean Jennifer Nichols. She’s got Greg twisted around her finger so tight that he wouldn’t sneeze without her permission.
Jan: You’re kidding.
Marcia: No. You should’ve seen her at school this morning. I picked blue because it’s your favorite color, Greggy.
Marcia: My only chance now of getting an honest vote is by those three other judges.
Jan: Do you think Greg would vote for his girlfriend over his own sister?
Marcia: Jan, you don’t know anything about life.
(Next, Carol is in the kitchen, drinking coffee and nervously awaiting Mike’s arrival home. Mike comes in.)
Mike: Hi honey, I’m home.
(He kisses her and notices blisters on her hand.)
Mike: Hey, what happened to your hand?
Mike: What have you been doing? Chopping wood?
Carol: Mike, I’ve got two surprises for you. First, I got these blisters trying to play golf.
Mike (laughing): You’re kidding.
Carol: I figured if you needed a partner, I’d be ready.
Mike (pleased): Oh, that’s sweet of you, that’s very sweet. What’s the second surprise?
(Carol sheepishly shows him one of his golf clubs.)
Mike: My five iron.
Carol: I did it while I was practicing. I’m sorry.
Mike: Oh, honey. Uh… (He checks it over) Well, this will come in handy if I wanna shoot around the tree.
(He smiles then he kisses her. That evening, the boys are in their room sleeping. Greg, however, is awake thinking. Then he turns the light on.)
Greg: I got it!
(Peter and Bobby wake up.)
Peter: What happened?
Bobby: What’s the matter?
Greg: I figured out my problem with Marcia and Jennifer.
Peter: For that, did you have to wake us up?
Bobby: We were fast asleep.
Greg: I got all worried about nothing. I’m the chairman on that committee. When the three judges pick the winner, I won’t even have to vote. I’m off the hook.
(Peter throws a pillow at Greg, who throws it back. The next day at school, a contestant just finishes her performance.)
Greg: That was fine. (The other judges clap) The next contestant is Pat Conway.
(Pat gets up to perform.)
(The judges clap again.)
Pat (very energetic): Ready gang, hit it. 1,2, tell me who are you. The bears. 3,4, tell me who’s gonna score the bears. 5,6, tell me who’s got the kicks, the bears, 7,8, tell me who’s really great, the bears, 9, 10, tell me who’s gonna win, the bears. Yay!!!!!
Greg: Thanks, Pat, that was great. The next one is Marcia Brady.
(Marcia gets up and performs.)
Marcia: Ready, and, 1,2, tell me who are you. The bears. 3,4, tell me who’s gonna score the bears. 5,6, tell me who’s got the kicks, the bears, 7,8, tell me who’s really great, the bears, 9, 10, tell me who’s gonna win, the bears. Yay, team!
Greg: Thank you, Marcia. The last contestant is Jennifer Nichols.
(Jennifer gets up.)
Jennifer: Ready, and, 1,2, tell me who are you. The bears. 3,4, tell me who’s gonna score the bears. 5,6, tell me who’s got the kicks, the bears, 7,8, tell me who’s really great, the bears, 9, 10, tell me who’s gonna win, the bears. Yay, bears!
Greg: Thank you, Jennifer. (She sits down) The judges will tally their scores. We’ll have a winner. May I have the papers please? (They hand him their votes) We have one vote for Jennifer Nichols, one vote for Marcia Brady, and we have one vote for Pat Conway. Looks like we have a three-way tie. In the event of a three-way tie the chairman decides it. That’s me.
(Cut back to the house. Peter and Jan are arguing as they walk down the steps.)
Peter: Baloney, I bet Greg voted for Marcia.
Jan: And I say he voted for Jennifer. You’ll see when he gets here.
Peter: Why should he vote for Jennifer instead of his own sister?
Jan: Peter, you don’t know anything about life.
(They see Carol and Mike playing golf in the kitchen. Mike helps Carol while she practices.)
Peter: Hey, Dad, is Mom getting any better?
Mike: She’s great as long as she keeps her eyes closed.
(The kids leave.)
Mike: Honey, wait a minute. You have to relax your hips a little bit.
Carol: Oh, who cares if I’m good or bad? The lessons are terrific.
(They hug and Greg comes home.)
Carol: Was the contest over?
Mike: What happened?
Greg: Well, it was a three-way tie. I had to cast the deciding vote. Of all the luck.
(Greg shakes his head no.)
Greg: Nope, I voted for Pat.
Greg: Pat Conway. I really thought she was the best. Now Marcia and Jennifer are both gonna hate me. (Marcia comes through the door) Here it comes.
Marcia: Hi, Mom, Hi, Dad.
Marcia: Hi, Greg.
Greg: Are you still talking to me?
Marcia: Greg, I take back what I said. You have a lot more character than I gave you credit for.
Greg: You mean that?
Marcia: Yeah. You know, I would have liked to have won, but, Pat was the best, she deserved to win.
(She smiles and walks away.)
Mike: Hmm, doesn’t sound like she hates you.
Greg: Say, if Marcia isn’t mad, then Jennifer won’t be mad either. (She goes over to the phone) After all, Jennifer’s crazy about me. (He calls her and she answers) Hello, Jennifer, it’s Greggy. Say, Marcia understood why I voted for Pat and I’m sure… (He hears a clicking sound) Hello, hello. (He hangs up as Mike and Carol look on) She, uh, hung up on me. You know, it could be…
Greg: This may sound ridiculous, but it’s just possible that Jennifer was trying to use me to win that cheerleading contest.
Mike: Well I, guess that’s possible.
Greg: Yeah, that’s it. You can take it from me Dad. Because if there’s one thing I know about, it’s women.
(He walks away and Mike and Carol laugh. The scene fades.)
(The final scene has Greg and Mike returning from a golf game.)
Carol: Well, did you have a good day?
Greg: Ah, best day I ever had on the golf course. Remember Dad, every Saturday from now on we have a date.
Mike: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Carol: Boy, he must have had a great score.
Mike: Never played worse.
Carol: Why all the enthusiasm?
Mike: Because of something he saw in the pro shop.
Carol: A new set of golf clubs? (Mike shakes his head no) A new golf bag.
Mike: Golf pro’s daughter. (He laughs) Blonde, blue eyes, and a figure…
Carol: Yeah, yeah, come on. I’ll get you something cold to drink.
(They go into the kitchen. Greg puts his hat in the freezer and grabs an apple.)
Carol: Yep, it’s one thing he knows about. It’s women.