S4 E13 Love And The Older Man

Love And The Older Man

Written by Sam Locke and Milton Pascal

Marcia has a crush on the family’s new dentist. Hope you enjoy the script.












MINISTER in Marcia’s dream

(The episode begins with Marcia riding home on her bicycle. She appears to be in a happy mood. She joyfully walks into the house. Alice and Carol are preparing dinner.)

Alice: Oh boy, that meatloaf does smell good.

Carol: Yeah, it’ll be just perfect for Marcia after her visit with the dentist.

Alice: Last time I went to the dentist, the only time I could chew was ice cream.

(Marcia comes in the house dazed. She goes into the refrigerator and grabs a glass.)

Carol: Marcia, are you all right?

Marcia (happy): Mmm hmmm.

Carol: Are you in pain?

Marcia: Pain?

(She pours milk into her glass.)

Carol: You did go to the dentist today, didn’t you?

Marcia (happy): Mmm hmm.

Alice: I don’t know what he gave her, but I’d like some.

Carol: Well, honey, what did Dr. Gordon say about your teeth?

Marcia: Dr. Gordon? Oh, he’s on vacation in Europe. I saw Dr. Vogel. (She goes in a trance) Dr. Stanley Vogel. Oh, you should see him. He is far out.

Carol (to Alice): Dr. Vogel must be Dr. Gordon’s new associate.

Marcia: Mmm hmm. He has dark, gorgeous hair, dreamy eyes, groovy bell-bottom pants, neat shoes and he plays the best rock and roll music in his office.

Alice: What does he use on your teeth, a guitar pick?

Carol: Well, what did Dr. Vogel say about your teeth?

Marcia: My teeth? Oh, he liked them.

Carol: Oh, that’s nice.

Marcia: Oh, and the best part’s Thursday!

Alice: What’s Thursday?

Marcia: I get to go back for my filling!

(Carol and Alice feign excitement.)

Carol: Boy, that Dr. Vogel sounds like the best thing that happened to dentistry since Novocain.

(They laugh and look up with wide eyes. The scene fades.)

(The next scene has Marcia looking at her teeth in a hand mirror. Cindy looks on.)

Cindy: What are you staring at?

Marcia: My teeth.

Cindy: You’ve seen them before lots of times.

Marcia: I know, but they’re different now.

(Meanwhile, Jan is reading a magazine.)

Jan: Hey, listen to this. (Marcia and Cindy come closer) Are you an old maid at 19?

Marcia: You and those teen time romance magazines.

Jan: Marcia, if I didn’t read this magazine, I wouldn’t understand life’s problems.

Cindy: I wish I was old enough to have problems.

Jan (reading): Listen, one way to achieve a successful marriage is for a girl to marry a man…

Cindy: Big deal, even I know that.

Jan: It’s continued, dum-dum (she turns the page) is to marry a man who is 10-12 years older than she is.

Marcia: Hey, that’s interesting. What else does it say?

Jan: Well, it says that an older man would be more stable, tender and understanding.

Marcia: Yeah, that makes sense.

Cindy (to Jan): maybe that’s why I like Joey Vinton. He’s an older man. (She turns to Marcia) He’s 12.

Marcia: Cindy, we’re not talking about children. We’re talking about men.

Jan: They leave out the most important thing. Where do you find older men?

Marcia: Well, I guess if you’re lucky enough, you can find one anywhere. (She gets up) Maybe even in a dentist’s office.

Cindy: You mean that new dentist, Dr. Vogel?

Jan: How old is he?

Marcia: I don’t know, 27 or 28.

Cindy: Gee, that’s old.

Jan: Hey, according to this article, he’d be perfect for you.

Marcia (suddenly annoyed): There’s only one problem. To him, I’m just a mouthful to teeth.

(The next scene has Mike coming home from work.)

Marcia (to Carol): Hi, honey.

Carol: Hi, dear.

(They hug.)

Mike: Say, something smells good.

Carol: Yeah, it’s my new perfume.

Mike: That’s funny because it smells like meat loaf.

Carol: Oh yes, its lips is in the living room but its heart is in the kitchen.

(She hugs him again.)

Mike: Ah, yeah, is anything new?

Carol: Yeah, you got a call from Ms. Miller.

Mike: Ms. Miller?

Carol: Yes, she has a very throaty, sexy voice.

Mike: Oh yeah, what did she say?

Carol: She said (she imitates the voice) Tell Mr. Brady he has an appointment, tomorrow (Mike laughs) with the dentist.

(She then makes a funny face at him.)

Mike: Oops, I forgot about that. (He scratches the side of his face) Gee, my teeth are starting to hurt already.

Carol: According to Marcia, you haven’t got a thing to worry about. The dentist is a dreamboat.

Mike: Oh yeah, since when is Dr. Gordon a dreamboat?

Carol: Oh no, it’s his assistant, Dr. Vogel. Marcia says (she imitates Marcia’s voice) when he looks at you with his big blue eyes, he’s painless.

Mike: Well, I hope his bill is painless.

(He takes her by the hand and they go to the kitchen. Cut to Dr. Vogel’s office, where Mike is in the dentist’s chair with Dr. Vogel, taking care of his teeth.)

Dr. Vogel: Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?

Mike: Well, I wouldn’t say I exactly enjoyed it. I had a rougher time in the barber’s chair.

(He takes a sip of water and spits it out.)

Dr. Vogel: Well, I must be doing something right.

Mike: Well, my daughter thinks you’re quite the best.

Dr. Vogel: Well, thanks, she’s a sharp, nice young lady.

Mike: Yeah, she’s awarded you, you know, the generation, supreme compliment. You are groovy.

Dr. Vogel: Ah, I told you she was sharp. By the way, does she ever do any babysitting?

Mike: Yeah, sometimes, on the weekends.

Dr. Vogel: Good, my wife and I have a 3 year old and we need a sitter this Friday.

Mike: I’m sure she’d be happy to, if she’s available. Of course, you have to supply the essentials.

Dr. Vogel: The essentials?

Mike: A television set, a refrigerator and at least one telephone.

(They both laugh.)

Dr. Vogel: Okay.

(Back at home, Peter and Bobby are working on a go-cart. Greg comes over.)

Greg: Hey, it’s gonna be a neat looking go cart.

Peter: If we ever get it finished.

Greg: Where did you get the engine?

Peter: From Mr. Morton’s lawnmower.

Bobby: Isn’t it neat?

Greg: It’s terrific. So you guys could go for the ride and mow the streets at the same time.

Peter: Very funny.

Greg: I was only kidding. Can I give you a hand?

Peter: Sure.

Bobby: Thanks. We’ll give you a ride sometime.

Greg: Thanks, Bobby.

(Marcia comes by.)

Greg: Hey, Marcia. (She stops) I got a message for you from Eddie Bryan.

Marcia: What about?

Greg; He’s going bowling Friday night. He wants to take you.

Marcia (unenthusiastic): Well, I guess it’s okay.

Greg: What do you mean you guess it’s okay? Eddie Bryan.

Marcia: Well, if you ask me, he’s kind of immature.

Greg: What do you mean “immature”.

Marcia: Just what I said, he’s just a boy.

Greg: Marcia, what are you talking about? He’s the same age I am.

Marcia: That’s what I mean, immature.

(She walks off.)

Greg: Let’s get this thing finished so I could run her over.

(Alice is in the family room, vacuuming the sofa. Carol walks in.)

Carol: Alice, what are you doing?

Alice: I’m listening for clinks.

Carol: Clinks?

Alice: Yeah, sometimes I suck out some loose change that makes clinks.

Carol (laughing): Would you try to clink up a new sofa?

(Mike comes in.)

Mike (to Carol): Hi, honey.

Carol: Hi, sweetheart.

Mike: Hi, Alice.

(He and Carol kiss.)

Carol: Quick, tell me about your dentist appointment.

Mike: Oh, shade your eyes.

(He smiles and shows his teeth.)

Alice (humorously): Oh, I can’t stand to glare.

Carol (dramatically): Oh, it’s Dr. Vogel.

Mike: You know, Marcia is right. He is charming and groovy.

Carol: Gee, I’m not supposed to see him for another month but maybe I can get my appointment pushed up.

Alice: What I need is having good, quick cavities.

Mike: Sorry, Alice, he’s married and has a family.

(Alice snaps her fingers in frustration.)

Mike: By the way, you know, Dr. Vogel asked if Marcia could babysit Friday night.

Carol: Yeah, I don’t see why not. Why don’t you ask her. She’s in her room studying.

Mike: Okay.

(She goes upstairs to the girls’ room, where they are all doing homework.)

Mike: Hi, kids. (to Marcia) Hi, honey.

Marcia: Hi.

Mike: Say, Marcia, are you busy Friday night?

Marcia: I have a date, Dad, why?

Mike: Oh, nothing, if you’re busy, it’s not important.

(He leaves and Marcia gets up to follow.)

Marcia: Hey, Dad, what’s not important?

Mike: Oh, well, Dr. Vogel wanted to know if you were free Friday night, but if you’re busy, forget it.

(He leaves the room and Marcia gets excited.)

Marcia (shouting): Did you hear that? He wants to know if I’m busy Friday night!

Jan: He honestly noticed you!

Marcia: I can’t believe it!

Cindy: And he’s an older man!

Jan: According to Teen Time Romance, you’re the perfect couple.

Marcia: I wonder why he asked Dad and not me.

Jan: Well, that’s the way they always did it in the olden times. The boyfriend asked the father for permission first.

Cindy: Sure, don’t you watch old movies?

Marcia (getting up): Oh, an older man noticed me! Oh no, it’s terrible.

Jan: What?

Marcia (dramatically): I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and I don’t have a thing to wear.

(Cut to outside, where the guys are finishing work on the go-cart.)

Greg: There it goes, now drive it.

Bobby: Good.

Peter: I got the feeling I forgot something.

Bobby: What?

Peter: I forget.

Greg: Here goes.

(He pulls the back of the cart, but nothing happens.)

Bobby: Harder.

Greg: This is hard as I can.

(He tries again, then makes a discovery.)

Greg: For crying out loud, there’s no gas.

Peter: That’s what I forgot.

(Marcia comes out dressed in her finest clothes. She gets on her bike. We hear a whistling sound.)

Greg: Hey, look at you.

Peter: Do you eyes deceive me?

Bobby: You’re wearing girls clothes.

Marcia: I have a very important appointment.

Bobby: What kind of appointment?

Marcia: It doesn’t concern you children.

Peter: La di da.

Marcia: Just go off and play with your dumb old toy.

(She rides off.)

Bobby (yelling): And the same to you!

(Next, we see Marcia in Dr. Vogel’s office. He is givng her a filling.)

Dr. Vogel: I hope that didn’t hurt.

Marcia: What didn’t hurt?

Dr. Vogel: The drill.

Marcia: Oh, I loved it.

Dr. Vogel: You won’t believe how many people complain. But not you.

Marcia: I never complain.

Dr. Vogel: Rinse please. (She takes a sip of water and spits it out in the sink) That’s one of the things I like about you.

Marcia: Mmm, I love the taste of your mouthwash.

(He goes over to clean her teeth.)

Dr. Vogel: By the way, what about Friday night? Did your father mention it?

Marcia: Yeah, but I sort of have a date. It’s not really a date. It’s only with Eddie Bryan, a youth at school.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, that’s too bad. Well, I guess I’ll have to find someone else. I got tickets for the ballet.

Marcia: The ballet?

Dr. Vogel: You like the ballet?

Marcia: I’m mad about it. I’ve never been, but I’m mad about it.

Dr. Vogel: We’ll see how that looks. Open wide, please.

Marcia: i’m sure he will understand. I can break a date.

Dr. Vogel: Just keep open wide, Marcia. I could break a date.

Marcia: Well, it’s not anything important.

Dr. Vogel: No, no. There will be other nights. Wider please.

Marcia: It’s okay. I’m sure it is.

Dr. Vogel: You’re sure it’s no trouble.

Marcia: Positive.

Dr. Vogel: All right, Friday.

Marcia: I can’t stay out very late, though.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, no problem. The ballet should be over by 11.

Marcia: Wonderful.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, could you be ready at 7.

Marcia: I could be ready even earlier.

Dr. Vogel: No, 7 is fine. I could pick you up at your house.

(Marcia sits in the chair and beams. The scene fades.)

(The next scene has the guys painting their go-cart.)

Bobby: We ought to paint a number on it, a really good number.

Greg: What do you mean a really good number?

Bobby (demonstrating): One like 99.

Peter: What’s so great about 99?

Bobby: Well, if it ever turns over, then it’s 66.

Peter: How about 66, when it turns out, then it’s (all in unison) 99.

Greg: Hey, you guys could make it 88, then if it turns over, it’ll still be 88.

(Marcia comes back and almost crashes into the cart.)

Greg: Hey, Marcia. Watch out, we’re trying to paint this thing.

Marcia (annoyed): Really. (she puts her bike in the garage) You children and your juvenile hobbies.

Peter (defiantly): Children? Since when did you get to be so old?

Bobby (emulating an old lady): Eee, speak up, can’t hear you.

Marcia: Greg, would you come here a minute? (She gets up for her to speak to him) Would you tell Eddie Bryant I can’t go out with him Friday night. I have another date.

Greg (protesting): You can’t do that to him, I told him you’d go. He’s already shaved.

Marcia (snobbishly): I’m sorry, but I have more mature things to do.

(She walks away and goes inside. Carol is knitting something in the family room.)

Marcia: Hi, Mom.

Carol: Hi.

Marcia: Mom.

Carol: Yes.

Marcia: Did dad mention anything about Dr. Vogel and Friday night?

Carol: Yes, he did mention it.

Marcia: And it’s okay?

Carol: Yeah, why not? It’ll be a good experience for me.

Marcia (surprised): Wow. So with the traffic and everything, I may not be home till about midnight. And it’s still okay?

Carol: As long as I know where you are dear, I won’t worry.

(Marcia gets ecstatic and hugs Carol.)

Marcia: Oh, Mom, you’re the most understanding woman in the whole world.

(She kisses her and runs. Now it’s Carol’s turn to be surprised.)

Carol: What did I say?(Marcia rushes upstairs to her room, where Jan is doing homework.)

Marcia: Jan, Jan, he did it. he asked me for a date.

Jan: Who did?

Marcia: Dr. Vogel.

Jan (excited): Oh, Marcia. Your first older man. I’m so happy for you!

Marcia: Thanks.

Jan: Where are you gonna meet him?

Marcia: He’s coming here!

Jan: Here?

Marcia: Yeah! Friday night at 7!

Jan: Is it all right with Mom and Dad?

Marcia: Mom said it would be a good experience?

Jan: Oh, wow, that’s great, Marcia. Too much.

Marcia (excited): A first date can lead to a second date, and then, that can lead to a third, and then, maybe going steady, and that might lead to, marriage. Imagine, me, Mrs. Marcia Dentist.

(Marcia hears her last response echo in he rhead as she has a daydream of her wedding to Dr. Vogel.)

Minister: Marcia Brady, do you promise to love, honor, brush up and down and see your dentist twice a year?

Marcia: I do.

Minister: And you, Dr. Dentist, do you take Marcia for better or worse, for cavities, for route canal work, for orthodontics?

Dr. Vogel: I do.

Minister: By the powers vested in me by the dental association, I now pronounce you wife and dentist.

(Dr. Vogel puts his stick in Marcia’s mouth to check for cavities. Marcia comes back to reality.)

Jan: Marcia, I’m talking to you.

Marcia: I guess I was daydreaming, and what a dream.

(The next scene has Marcia doing homework in the family room. Carol comes in.)

Carol: Marcia, dinner’s just about ready. you better get cleaned up.

Marcia: Okay.

(Bobby and Cindy come in the kitchen.)

Bobby: Mom, when’s dinner?

Cindy: We’re starved.

Carol: Any minute now.

Alice: Cindy, would you get me a couple of napkins please?

Carol: Alice, I think we’re just about ready.

Alice: So are the dinner rolls.

(Marcia sees this form the family room and has another daydream about having a couple kids and Alice working for her. Bobby and Cindy come in the kitchen dressed and sounding like they’re British.)

Bobby: Mummy, Mummy, we’re quite ready for dinner.

Cindy: We’re dreadfully hungry.

Marcia: In a moment, my angels.

(Alice merrily comes out in an old-fashioned maid uniform, dusting.)

Alice: Ooh, Cindy, get me some napkins. please.

Cindy: Alice.

(She pulls her skirt and gets the napkins.)

Bobby: And I shall help you.

Alice (to Marcia): Ahh, the children, they are fantastic.

Marcia: A blessing.

(Marcia’s dream ends and Carol reminds her of dinner.)

Carol: Dinner, Marcia. Marcia!

Marcia: Oh, uh, I’m coming, Mom.

NOTE: There were some French terms uttered by Alice and Cindy. If anyone knows what those were, please let me know.

(Next, Mike comes home form work.)

Mike (to Carol): Hi, honey.

Carol: Hi, dear.

(They kiss.)

Carol: Boy, you look beat.

Mike (slowly): Yeah, what a day.

Carol: Really rough, huh?

Mike: Well, there’s no pleasing some clients. You give them modern because they ask for modern, they want early American.

Carol: Well, maybe tomorrow will be better.

Mike: I doubt it.

(He sits down and thye kiss again. Marcia notices them from the stairway and has another daydream about being married to Dr. Vogel. It shows him coming home from work and Marcia greeting him.

Dr. Vogel: Hello, my dearest.

Marcia: Hi, honey.

(They hug.)

Marcia: Rough day?

Dr. Vogel: Uh, brutal. (He sits in his chair) Boy are people thoughtless and break up my practice.

(Marcia hands him a glass of water.)

Marcia: Rinse. You’ll feel better.

Dr. Vogel: I feel better just being with you.

Marcia: Patient trouble?

Dr. Vogel (bitterly): The Levine kid bit me.

Marcia: Again? That makes it the third time this month.

Dr. Vogel: And if that wasn’t enough, I spent all afternoon extracting an impacted molar.

Marcia: I’m so proud of you, my darling. Because of you, there’s one less impacted molar in the world. Relax, you’re at home with me now.

(Marcia comes back to reality and walks downstairs in a daze. The next scene has Jan on the phone with a friend.)

Jan: Are you sure? That’s awful. Well, I’ll have to tell Marcia. Oh, well thanks, bye. (Marcia comes down the stairs with her algebra book) Marcia.

Marcia: Yeah.

Jan: Can I talk to you for a minute?

Marcia: Well, make it short. I got to get it on with this algebra.

Jan: Well, I was just talking to my friend, Kathy. And she’s got a friend who has a sister and she was thinking of going out with a married man. What do you think of that?

Marcia: Well, I think that’s terrible.

Jan: Well, what if she was in love with this man?

Marcia: It still doesn’t make any difference. He’s a married man.

Jan: But what if she didn’t find that out until after they fell in love?

Marcia: But it’s still wrong. Can you imagine what kind of life this poor girl would have? (She starts to get dramatic) Hiding in the shadows, waiting by herself as the clock ticks off the empty hours. Doomed to be the other woman for life. It’s not for me.

Jan: I’m glad to hear you say that. Because, he’s married.

Marcia: Who’s married?

Jan: Dr. Vogel, your date. He’s got a wife, children, maybe even a dog.

(Marcia gets shocked as she sits down.)

Marcia: Dr. Vogel?

Jan: Yes, Kathy’s parents are friends with Dr. Vogel and his wife.

Marcia: Are you absolutely positive?

Jan: Positive, what are you gonna do?

Marcia: I don’t know.

(The next scene is in the kitchen, where Marcia goes to Alice for advice.)

Marcia: Hi, Alice.

Alice: Hi, honey.

Marcia: Alice, can I talk to you?

Alice: Sure, sweetie.

Marcia: I mean, woman to woman.

Alice: It’ll be a little hard to do it any other way.

Marcia: This is serious.

Alice: Well sure honey, sit down. Let’s talk.

Marcia: Well, suppose you found out something about your boyfriend, Sam.

Alice: What?

Marcia: Well, suppose all the time you’ve been dating, Sam’s been married to someone else.

Alice: Marcia, do you know something I don’t know?

Marcia: No, I’m just supposing, that’s all. What would you do if you found out Sam was married?

Alice: Well, no butcher better tell me something like that with a meat cleaver on the counter. You’re sure we’re not talking about Sam now.

Marcia: Positive. It’s some other woman who’s facing that problem.

Alice: Somebody you know?

Marcia: Yeah, and I was hoping you could give her some advice.

Alice: Oh, well, I’d say, stop the romance right away.

Marcia: How?

Alice: Well, I’m not sure. My problem with romance has never been stopping one, it’s only been starting one.

Marcia: But how can you stop it, Alice. Would you write him a letter or phone him or what?

Alice: No, I’d face him with it right away. Face to face.

Marcia: Get it over with real quick, right?

Alice: Right.

Marcia: Thanks, Alice.

(Next, Marcia goes to see Dr. Vogel at his office.)

Marcia: Dr. Vogel.

Dr. Vogel: Hi, Marcia. Did we have an appopintment?

Marcia: No, but I had to see you at once.

Dr. Vogel: Oh no, don’t tell me that filling came out. Please, sit in that chair.

Marcia: I can’t go on like this.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, I’m sure you can’t. The pain must be pretty bad.

Marcia: I almost couldn’t do my algebra test.

Dr. Vogel: Marcia, why didn’t you call me at home.

Marcia: That would’ve been even more painful.

Dr. Vogel: More painful?

(Marcia begins to get drastic.)

Marcia: We can’t go on seeing each other like this. Even though we haven’t had our first date.

Dr. Vogel: Our first date?…

Marcia: I know, you were afraid if you told me you were married, I wouldn’t have accepted. I realize that older men are attracted to younger girls. I read Teen Time romance magazine.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, I can see you do. Do you mean the day I asked your father about you?

Marcia: Yes. It was very gallant of you to ask his permission.

Dr. Vogel: Oh, I think I understand.

Marcia: I’m flattered you find me attractive, but, I couldn’t break up your marriage.

Dr. Vogel: Marcia, you’re wiser than your years.

Marcia: That’s why I have to give you up, doctor.

Dr. Vogel: Is that what you really want?

Marcia: That’s the way it has to be. (She gets up from the chair) I give you back to your wife and children.

(He takes her by the hand.)

Dr. Vogel: I thank you, Marcia. My wife and children thank you too.

Marcia: Dr. Vogel, I think you should know that I will never say anything about this to my friends or family.

Dr. Vogel: Believe me, Marcia. I won’t either.

(She starts to leave, then turns around.)

Marcia: Oh, by the way.

Dr. Vogel: Yes.

Marcia: I’ll still be in Wednesday to get my teeth clean.

(She leaves and Dr. Vogel laughs to himself. She sees Greg when she gets home.)

Marcia: Greg, Greg.

Greg: I don’t know if I want to talk to a chick who breaks dates with my friends.

Marcia: Does Eddie Bryan have another date for Friday night?

Greg: No, thanks to you.

Marcia: Good, because I want to call him right now. I’d love to go out with him.

Greg: Now, wait a minute. I thought you said Eddie was too immature for you.

Marcia: You know, there’s a lot to be said for growing old together.

(The next scene has Greg and Marcia leaving for Marcia’s date with Eddie. He waits for her at the bottom up the staircase.)

Greg: Come on, Marcia.

Marcia (coming down the stairs): Would you calm down?

Greg: Eddie can’t hold the bowling date all night.

Carol: Good night, kids, have fun.

Marcia: You too.

Carol: Don’t be late.

Greg: Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.

Mike: And drive carefully.

Greg: I will.

(Jan comes by.)

Mike: I wonder what changed her mind about Dr. Vogel tonight.

Carol: I don’t know, and she really seemed to be looking forward to it too.

Jan: I know why marcia changed her mind about Dr. Vogel tonight.

Carol: Why?

Jan: Well (Pause) I better not tell you. You’re not young enough to know.

(She goes upstairs.)

Carol (confused): Uh, teenagers. By the time you understand what they’re talking about, they’re not teenagers anymore.

(The scene fades.)

(The final scene has the guys giving the go-cart another test drive, while Alice is cleaning a screen. The guys have no luck.)

Greg: This thing is never gonna work.

(He kicks it in frustration. Bobby gets out and they walk away.)

Greg: I’ve just about had it.

Bobby: Where will we get a new motor.

Peter: Next time, I’ll handle it.

(The cart starts to warm up and takes off by itself. Alice notices.)

Alice: Hey, hey, guys, uh, uh…

(They notice it moving and chase after it.)

Greg: Hey, look!

(They chase after it, as well as Alice.)


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