The Great Earring Caper
Written by Larry Rhine and Al Schwartz
Cindy loses Carol’s earrings after she wears them without permission. She turns to Peter, the house detective, to help her find them. I hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(The episode begins with Marcia trying on a pair of earrings borrowed from Carol. Cindy looks on.)
Cindy: Those sure are neat earrings, Marcia.
Marcia (mocking a British accent): Thanks, darling. Mother loaned them to me.
Jan (calling): Marcia, Marcia.
Marcia: Coming, Jan.
(She takes the earrings off and come in the bedroom.)
Marcia: What is it?
Jan: Phone for you. A guy named Ted Edwards.
Marcia (putting the earrings away): Thanks.
Cindy: Marcia, can I try the earrings on?
Marcia: No. They’re Mom’s and don’t touch them. Grandma gave them to her.
Jan: The guy sounded really cute. What does he look like?
Marcia: Tall, blonde, handsome. Nothing special.
Jan: I’ll bet.
(Marcia and Jan leave the room. Cindy closes the door and takes the earrings. She is in the bathroom trying them on and Carol calls her.)
Carol: Cindy, are you in there?
Cindy: I’m coming, Mom.
(She tucks the earrings under a towel on the sink. She leaves the bathroom and comes in the bedroom. Carol shows her a new blouse she just bought her.)
Carol: Honey, I got this on sale. Let’s see if it fits.
Cindy: It fits fine, Mom.
Carol: They have them in green, red and violet too. Which color would you like?
Cindy: Any color’s marvelous.
Carol: Boy, one day you’re gonna make some man awfully happy. (She pus her hand on Cindy’s chin) You’re a woman who’s easy to please. (She takes the blouse and box she got it in) See you later.
(Carol leaves the room and Cindy rushes back into the bathroom. She tries to retrieve the earrings from the towel but can’t find them, She looks all over for them with no luck.)
Cindy (to herself): They’re gone.
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Peter in his bedroom playing detective. Greg is on his bed reading. Peter goes over to him.)
Peter: If you didn’t know who I was, who would you think I am?
Greg: A Canada for a butterfly net. Knock it off, will you. I’m trying to read.
(Peter goes to get his magnifying glass. He goes over to Greg and uses it to check him over.)
Peter: You know something, you got a big pores.
Greg: Will you quit bugging me with that dumb detective kit? (He goes under Greg’s bed. He looks under to him) Now, what are you doing?
Peter: Trying to guess your weight. You can figure it out by the sag in the mattress.
Greg: You got a sag in your brain. Why don’t you take your detective kit and get lost.
Peter: It’s no use. I’m such a good detective, I’ll find myself.
(He laughs and Greg plops on his bed, almost injuring Peter. He leaves the room and then there’s a knock on the door.)
Peter: Come in.
Cindy: Peter, have you learned how to use your detective kit yet?
Cindy: Good, maybe you can help me.
Peter (excited): You want a detective? (Cindy nods) Boy, my first case. Step into my office, ma’am. (She sits at the desk and Peter takes a small black book out.) What’s your name, ma’am?
Cindy: You know my name?
Peter: It’s got to be official, the way the book says. What’s your name, ma’am?
Cindy: Cindy Brady.
Cindy: School kid.
Peter: Okay, we need the facts. So start from the beginning, and give me the facts, just the facts.
Cindy: Mom lent Marcia some earrings. And I wasn’t supposed to touch them, but I did. Now the earrings are gone.
Peter (surprised): Mom’s earrings? Boy, are you in trouble.
Cindy: I know that, and I’m not even a detective.
Peter: Okay, we’ll call this the Great Earring Caper. Where were the earrings last observed, ma’am?
Cindy: On the bathroom sink.
Peter: I’ll investigate at once.
(They head toward the bathroom.)
Cindy: Can I help?
Peter: Sure, you can be my assistant. Like Dr. Watson was to Sherlock Holmes.
(They come into the bathroom.)
Peter: Exactly where were they, ma’am?
Cindy: Underneath this towel.
Peter: Towel, huh? (He takes the towel and shakes it) Simple deduction, ma’am, I solved the case.
Cindy: You have?
Peter: The earrings obviously slipped out from under the towel and slid down the drain.
Cindy: Boy, you sure are smart, Peter.
Peter: Thanks. I’ll just get Dad’s tool kit and open up the drain pipe.
Cindy: What a detective.
Peter: Elementary, my dear Watson. (He tips his hat) Elementary.
(The next scene has Carol coming into Mike’s den.)
Carol: Mike. (Mike answers with a mumble) I think I’ve got it.
Mike: Got what?
Carol: An idea for the costume party, unless you decided on something.
Mike: No, no, anything you decide is okay with me.
Carol: Okay, how about Romeo and Juliet?
Mike: Romeo and Juliet. Oh, honey, can we be a little more original. Last year there were a whole flock of Romeo and Juliets.
Carol: Oh, well then, why don’t you pick a famous couple.
Mike: No, no, you pick it. You’re better at those things than I am.
Carol: Okay, how about Napoleon and Josephine?
Mike: Napoleon and… (he jerks his hand around) honey, isn’t that a little unoriginal, too?
Carol: Yeah, I guess it is. How about Gertrude and Claude?
Mike (laughing): Gertrude and Claude? What famous couple were they?
Carol: I don’t know, but it certainly is original, don’t you think.
Mike: Oh, look, we’re making a big deal out of this. You pick it, and anything you decide on is okay with me.
Carol: Sure it is.
(Alice comes in.)
Alice: Well, how did it go with Romeo and Juliet?
Carol and Mike: It didn’t.
Alice: Well, I got an idea, folks, and it’s particularly fitting, for you, Mr. Brady.
Mike: Yeah, what’s that?
Alice: George and Martha Washington.
Mike: Hey, I could be the father of my country.
Alice: With 6 kids, you got a good running start.
(Cut to the bathroom, where Peter is trying to fix the pipe on the sink and retrieve the earrings. Cindy comes in.)
Cindy: Peter, did you find Mom’s earrings yet?
Peter: Not yet. Cindy, you don’t need a detective, you need a plumber.
Cindy: Well, please hurry.
Peter: I’m hurrying, and get back to your lookout post.
(She exits the bathroom through the door to her room. Marcia comes in the room.)
Cindy: Hi. Marcia, if you want to go to the bathroom, you can’t. Jan’s in there.
Marcia: Who wants to go to the bathroom?
Cindy: I just thought I’d let you know, just in case.
Marcia: Hi. (Jan tries opening the bathroom door) Hey, I thought you were in the bathroom.
Jan: How could I be in the bathroom?
Cindy: I guess it must be Greg in the bathroom.
(She goes into the boys’ room and sees Bobby.)
Cindy: Bobby, if you want to go to the bathroom, you can’t. Greg’s in there.
Bobby: Who put you in charge of the bathroom?
Cindy: Well, I just thought I’d let you know, Greg’s in there.
Greg (entering the room): Greg’s in where?
Bobby: She said you were in the bathroom.
Greg (laughing): What are you talking about?
Cindy: I thought it was you. (She leaves) I’ll try to find out and let you know.
(Greg and Bobby laugh. Cindy knocks on the bathroom door.)
Peter (moving to the door): Who is it?
Cindy: It’s me, Watson. (He lets her in) Well.
Peter: They’re not there.
Cindy (upset): Oh, no!
Peter: Don’t panic. This is where us detectives have to use deduction.
Cindy: Well, please deduct fast.
Peter: Okay, now they weren’t in the sink, and they’re not in the drainpipe, so they must have been removed. Chances are, by human hands. You follow me?
Cindy: Yes, just hurry up, that’s all.
Peter: Okay, every human hand has fingerprints, and everybody in this house has human hands.
Cindy: What does that mean?
Peter: It means that no finger is above suspicion.
(Cindy pretends to get it, but is confused.)
(Downstairs, Alice is mopping the kitchen. Peter and Cindy are watching.)
Peter: Believe me, Alice will never know what we’re after. We’ll get the fingerprints off the mop handle.
(He puts his hand over her mouth. They approach Alice.)
Peter: You know something, Alice, you work too hard.
Cindy: You should let us do some work.
Alice: You want to do some of my work?
Peter: Sure. (He takes the mop) Just relax.
Cindy: Take it easy for a while.
(They lead her to a chair and get her to sit down.)
Alice: You kids feel alright?
Peter: We’ll go mop our bathroom.
Cindy: Read a good luck or something.
(They walk away and leave Alice suspicious.)
Alice (to herself): They want to help?
(Next, they come into Mike’s den with a glass of milk.)
Peter: Hi, Dad.
Mike: Hi, kids.
Cindy: Dad, we brought you a glass of milk.
Mike: You did? (Peter puts it on the table) That’s great, I don’t even remember asking for a glass of milk.
Peter: This way you don’t have to ask.
Mike: Well, that’s very considerate of you.
(They stand there waiting for him to take a sip.)
Cindy: Go ahead, drink it.
Mike: I will, when I get thirsty.
Peter: You better drink it right away, before all the vitamins in it wear out.
Cindy: It’s good for all your bones.
Mike: Well, in that case, I better take your advice.
(He takes a sip and pretends he enjoys it.)
Cindy: Refreshingly good, isn’t it.
(Peter starts to take it away.)
Mike: Yes, it certainly was. My bones feel better already.
(He goes to take another sip but is surprised to see it gone. They start to leave and he turns around and scoffs for their attention.)
Mike: I hope the fingerprints turn out okay, Sherlock.
Peter (to Cindy): I guess we should have worn disguises.
(The next scene has Greg, Marcia, Jan and Bobby playing ping-pong in the backyard. Peter and Cindy seek them out, then run over andgrab their paddles and run. They are upstairs in the bathroom checking fingerprints.)
Cindy: We got everybody’s fingerprints.
Peter: Right. I just checked them against the ones in the bathroom sink.
Cindy: And what did you find out?
Peter: That everybody in this family has been in this bathroom.
Cindy: We still don’t know who took the earrings out of here.
Peter: Don’t worry. A good detective always has more than one plan. If Plan A doesn’t work, we’ll go to Plan B.
Cindy: What’s Plan B?
Peter: I don’t know, I’ll look it up.
(Alice is downstairs dusting the horse and Carol comes down the stairs.)
Carol: Alice, I’m going down to the costume company. I shouldn’t be gone long.
Alice: Right, Mrs. Brady.
(Carol notices a jacket on Alice’s shoulder which belongs to one of the kids.)
Carol: Alice, remember what I said?
Alice: About what?
Carol: About picking up after the kids. They gotta learn to do it themselves.
Alice (putting it down): Okay, I’ll just leave it.
Carol: Bye. I sure hope I can find something interesting for our costumes.
Alice: Hey, Mrs. Brady, would you consider Adam and Eve?
(Before Carol gets back, Mike is in the kitchen about to take a donut but is caught by Alice.)
Alice: Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Mike: Hi, just a little something to tide me over until dinner.
Alice: Mr. Brady, I thought you were watching your waste line.
Mike: I am, and it’s getting easier to see all the time.
Alice: Mine too, everywhere I look.
(Carol comes home.)
Carol (calling): Mike.
Carol: Honey, can you give me a hand quick? Hurry!
(She is carrying two heavy costumes.)
Mike: What have you got here?
Carol: You’ll see. (He takes them from her) Oh, thank you.
Mike: Gosh, they’re heavy.
Carol: Yeah, well, our costume problems are over. We’re all set for the party.
Mike: What are we going as, ghosts?
Carol: Here, I’ll show off. Take that off (wrap), okay?
Carol: Anthony and Cleopatra. (Mike looks a little unhappy) What’s the matter, don’t you like them?
Mike: Sure, but my skirt is shorter than your skirt.
(They laugh and Alice comes out.)
Alice: Ooh, wow.
Carol: Hey, Alice, what do you think of our costumes?
Alice: Oh, those are great.
Mike: Guess who we’re going as.
Alice (jokingly): Sonny and Cher.
(They laugh and Cindy comes out.)
Cindy: Those sure are fancy costumes.
Alice: Yeah, and your father’s got the leg for them, too.
Mike: Tomorrow night your mother and Dad are going to be Anthony and Cleopatra.
Carol: Yeah, I’m really looking forward to it. I’m gonna do a real fancy make-up, and I think I’ll borrow my friend Pauline’s black wig.
Mike: Oh, yeah.
Carol: And, I know just the earrings, the ones I loaned to Marcia.
(They go to try their costumes on. Cindy gets worried.)
Cindy (to herself): The earrings, oh no.
(The scene fades.)
(The next scene has Peter in his room reading his detective manual. Cindy comes in.)
Cindy: Peter, we got to find those earrings right away.
Peter: I know. I’m reading my manual on how to solve cases.
Cindy: But Mom wants to wear them to that party tomorrow night.
Peter (flustered): Tomorrow night?
Cindy: I guess we better tell her they’re lost.
Peter (getting up): We still have 24 hours and I’m learning a lot from this book.
Cindy: Like what?
Peter: Like suspects. The person who’s nearest to the scene of the crime has the best chance of being guilty. We got to question everybody.
Cindy: All right, but we got to do it fast.
Peter: Don’t panic, a good detective never panics.
Cindy: I’m not a good dete4ctive.
(We take you to the backyard. Greg is cleaning his surfboard. Cindy comes over.)
Cindy: What are you doing?
Greg: I’m waxing my surfboard.
Cindy: What were you doing yesterday afternoon right after school?
Greg: I was in my room.
Cindy: That’s right, and your room is right next to the bathroom.
Cindy: So hand over the you know what.
Greg: What’s the you know what?
Cindy: If I told you the you know what, you’d know what.
Greg: Cindy, I’m busy. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
Cindy: Then I guess that makes you innocent.
(Cut to the boys’ room, where Bobby is playing with his pet hamster.)
Peter: Hi, how’s it going?
Bobby: How’s what going?
Peter: Oh, nothing. Where were you yesterday afternoon?
Bobby: What do you mean where was I? I was at school, and I came home, like any day.
Peter: What did you go when you got home?
Peter: Just asking.
Bobby: I gave Henrietta a special treat. it was her birthday.
Peter: Birthday, huh. Did you bring her a present?
Peter: Like jewelry?
Bobby: What are you, some kind of ding-a-ling? What would a hamster be doing with jewelry?
Peter: I’m asking the questions around here, what did you bring her?
Bobby: I brought her sunflower seeds, and if you’re jealous, I’ll bring you sunflower seeds for your birthday.
Peter: You’re too dumb to be guilty.
(Next, Jan is in her room doing homework. Cindy comes in.)
Cindy: Where were you yesterday afternoon, right after school?
Jan: I was here, you saw me, when I called Marcia.
Cindy: Why did you call her?
Jan: Because that boy phoned her, Ted Edwards.
Cindy: Can you prove the phone rang?
Jan: Can you prove it didn’t?
(Later on, Cindy is in the room with Peter. They are upset that they couldn’t find the earrings.)
Cindy: Mom and Dad are getting dressed now for the party.
Peter: I know. My first case and I bombed out. Some detective. I couldn’t find an elephant in a bathtub.
Cindy: You tried. I better tell Marcia. Mom is gonna be looking for those earrings any minute.
Peter (stopping her): Wait. There may be one last hope.
Peter: Mom may forget about those earrings.
(Mike is sitting on his bed in his costume. He is waiting on Carol.)
Mike: Honey, how are you coming?
(Carol comes out from their bathroom.)
Carol: I was having a little trouble zipping up the nile.
(Mike zips the back of Carol’s costume.)
(Mike whistles, then answers.)
Mike: Well, I’ll ride on your barge anytime.
Carol: You’re pretty wild yourself. You know something, Alice was right. You do have great legs.
Mike (looking down at them): Yeah, I kinda do, don’t I.
Carol: The knees are a little knobby but….
Mike: Just a second. Hey, let’s get Greg to take a picture of us. I never had a date with the queen of the Nile before.
(Marcia comes by.)
Marcia: Hey, wow, you both look really great.
Carol: Thanks. Oh, honey, can you get those earrings I loaned you? I want to wear them tonight.
Marcia: Sure, Mom, they’ll look perfect with your costume.
(Marcia goes in her room to get the earrings. She sees Cindy sitting on the bed moping.)
Marcia: Cindy, are you okay?
Cindy: Yeah, but you’re not. You’re in trouble.
Marcia: Me, in trouble. Why?
Cindy: You told me not to touch Mom’s earrings, right?
Cindy: Well, I touched them.
Marcia: What do you mean?
Cindy: I not only touched them, I lost them.
Marcia (angry): You lost them? Cindy, Mom wanted them! Are you sure that you lost them?
Cindy: Positive. That’s why you’re in trouble.
Marcia: What do you mean I’m in trouble? You’re the one that lost them.
Cindy: Yeah, but you’re my older sister. And older sisters always protect younger sisters.
Marcia: That’s your story, come on!
(She grabs Cindy by the hair and they go downstairs. Greg is taking Carol and Mike’s pictures.)
Greg: Okay, okay, hold it, hold it. Here we go and. (He takes the picture and they go on about how much fun it was) Hey, how about a romantic one. Marc Anthony and Cleopatra hugging each other.
Carol: All right, but watch out for that sword. I don’t want to get grabbed and jabbed at the same time.
Greg: ready. 1,2,3.
(He takes the shot.)
Carol: I hope you got his legs in.
(Alice, Jan and Bobby laugh. Marcia and Cindy come down the stairs with Peter following.)
Marcia: Mom. (to Cindy) Come on. Cindy has something to tell you.
Cindy: What is it, sweetheart? Marcia, did you find the earrings?
Carol: What do you mean no? I loaned them to you.
Cindy: Then I loaned them to me. Then they disappeared.
Carol: How could they disappear?
Peter: That’s a good question. I’ve been trying to crack this case for some time now, and I’m baffled.
Carol: Oh, Cindy, those are my favorite earrings, and I wanted to wear them tonight.
Cindy: I’m sorry.
Mike: Now, wait a minute. Did you take them outside the house, Cindy?
Cindy: No, Dad, honest. I only had them on for a minute.
Mike: Well, they must be around here someplace. Where did you lose them?
Peter: Dad, are you taking over the case now?
Mike: Yeah, if you don’t mind.
Peter: No, not at all. But I gotta warn you, everybody has an alibi, and there aren’t any clues.
Mike: Thank you. I’m sure they’re just misplaced. Let’s see if we can reconstruct what happened.
Carol: Well, all I know is I loaned the earrings to Marcia, and I have not seen them since.
Marcia: And I put them in my dresser drawer and then I went downstairs to take a phone call.
Cindy: That’s when I loaned them to me. (they show flashbacks of her in the bathroom) I went into the bathroom to try them on. But when Mom called me, I didn’t want her to catch me playing with her earrings. So I hid them, under a towel on the sink. (We go back to the present) I was gonna put them back in Marcia’s drawer later.
Alice: Hey, wait a minute, I just remembered. Do u know when that must have been. (We see in flashback as she explains) That must have been when I went into the bathroom from the hall. I took the clothes out of the laundry bin. Then I saw the towel on the counter so I put it in the laundry bag. Then I remembered what Mrs. Brady said about the kids cleaning up after themselves, so I put the towel back. (returning to present) So, if the earrings were under the towel, they must have fallen into the laundry bag.
Mike: Then that’s where they must be.
Carol: Alice, where is that laundry bag now?
Alice: Well, I put it down for a second to get something, and when I came back it was gone.
Jan: I know, I took it from there?
Carol: What do you mean?
Jan: Well, I was starting to go downstairs, and I saw the laundry bag in the hall. I thought I’d help Alice out, so I took the laundry bag downstairs and left it in the service porch. (Shown in flashback)
Mike: The earrings must be in the laundry bag in the service porch.
Carol: No, no, Mike, that’s when I came in the picture. When I went to the service porch, I saw the laundry bag was pretty full. I figured I’d give Alice a hand and I unloaded the laundry into the washing machine. (Shown in flashback) Alice, has that load of laundry been washed yet?
Alice: Mrs. Brady, that was yesterday. At least three or four loads ago.
Carol: Oh, no.
Alice: I never saw any earrings.
Mike: Then they must still be in the washing machine.
(They all rush to the washing machine. Alice reaches in to find them.)
Greg: Feel anything?
Alice: Wait a minute. (She feels something) A-ha, a-ha, ah (She pulls one out and they all cheer. She reaches for the other) There’s (Pause) what’s left of the other one.
Carol: Oh, no.
(Cindy looks at the broken earring.)
Peter: At least the mystery ‘s solved.
Mike: Well, we have to go without them. Come on, honey, we better get going.
Cindy: Mom, I promise I’ll never take anything again I’m not supposed to.
Carol: All right, Cindy, but you and I are gonna have a long talk about this tomorrow. (She kisses her good night) Good night, Peter.
Peter: Good night. (Carol leaves) Well, that’s the end of the great earring caper.
Cindy: Peter, do you still have all those disguises in your detective kit?
Peter: Yeah, why?
Cindy: Because tomorrow, I don’t want Mom to know which kid’s me.
(The scene fades out.)
(The final season has Mike and Carol returning from the party. Alice is in the kitchen eating a sandwich.)
Alice: Oh, hi folks, give you have a good time?
Carol: Oh, it was wonderful, Alice.
Alice: Hey, did your costumes win a prize?
Mike: Nope. We came in third.
Alice: Well, that isn’t bad. Who won?
Carol: The Cunninghams.
Mike: And you’ll never guess who they came as.
Alice: Romeo and Juliet?
Carol: Nope. Guess again.
Alice: George and Martha Washington.
Alice: Okay, I give up.
Carol: Sherlock Holmes and Watson.