S4 E23 Room At The Top

Room At The Top

Written by William Raynor and Myles Wilder

Greg moves into the attic in a quest for privacy. I hope you enjoy the script.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

MIKE BRADY

CAROL BRADY

ALICE NELSON

GREG BRADY

MARCIA BRADY

PETER BRADY

JAN BRADY

BOBBY BRADY

CINDY BRADY

HANK CARTER, Greg’s friend

(The episode begins with Greg coming home with his friend, Hank Carter, who was in college.)

Greg: What were you doing back in high school today?

Hank: It was a college semester break. I figured I’d drop by and see how my old buddies were getting along.

Greg: So what’s it like in college?

Hank: Out of sight.

Greg: Yeah? Really different?

Hank: Like night and day.

Greg: Good. (Bobby rushes in, grabs a chair and makes a beeping sound. He goes over to the television) Bobby, we’re having a talk.

Bobby (turning on the television); That’s okay. It won’t bother me.

Greg: It’ll bother me. Go watch TV someplace else, huh.

Bobby: Greg, this room is for all of us. That’s why they call it a family room. Get it.

Greg: Let’s go up to my room, Hank. Maybe we can get some privacy up there.

(They go upstairs.)

Greg: Hey, Hank, why don’t you tell me about the girls in college.

Hank: Huh, they’re a whole different animal, and I do mean animal.

Greg: Yeah, it sounds like a real zoo.

Hank: Uh, something else. They’re sophisticated. Not like the kids back in high school.

Greg: I think I got the picture. (He sees Peter’s robe on the floor. Then Peter comes in and Greg hands it to him) Hey, hang that up. (Peter gets on his bed and reads a comic book) Pete, this is a private conversation.

Peter: About girls?

Greg: Could you go read someplace else?

Peter: Sure I could, but I’d rather stay and listen, and learn.

Greg: Pete, I’d like a little privacy.

Peter: Why should I leave my own room? If you want privacy, go in the garage?

Hank: Greg, why don’t you come over to my apartment. We can have all the privacy we want there.

Greg: Yeah, good idea, Hank.

Peter: have a nice time.

Greg: Why don’t you pick up your robe.)

(Peter looks at his robe, which fell on the floor, and shrugs. Greg and Hank leave the room and are heading down the stairs.)

Greg: The whole apartment to yourself, that’s really something.

Hank: It’s one of the great things about going to college, you’re on your own. You can have friends over whenever you want. You can come and go whenever you want. Nobody to bug you.

Greg: I can’t wait for that.

Hank: Hey, I got an idea. I’m looking for a guy to share expenses with.

Greg: You mean me move in with you?

Hank: Sure, if you’re interested.

Greg: Am I?

Hank: You think your Mom and Dad will let you?

Greg: I don’t know why not. One more term and I’ll be going to college and moving out anyway. I’m sure I could convince them.

Hank: Great.

(Bobby runs up the stairs. He continues making the beeping sound.)

Greg: You got yourself a roommate, Hank. I’m moving out.

(The scene fades.)

(The next scene has Carol and Alice in the attic. Alice picks up a worn out tennis racket.)

Alice: I’ve heard of warped tennis rackets, but this is ridiculous.

Carol (laughing): I think that better go into the junk pile, Alice. I don’t think it’d get very much at the charity bizarre.

Alice: The bizarre is really gonna clean out this attic.

Carol: Well, I think we should just make a clean sweep. Either it goes to the bazaar or the junkyard.

Mike (calling): Carol!

Carol: We’re up here, honey.

(Mike comes up to the attic.)

Mike: What are you doing?

Carol: We’re getting things together for that sale I told you about.

Mike: Oh. (He looks around) What are you going to get rid of?

Carol: Everything. If it isn’t nailed down, it goes.

Mike: Aw. (He looks some more and finds an old hat and cane) Do you remember these? The old costume party?

Carol: Oh, yeah.

(Mike puts on the hat and twirls the cane around. He also makes a vaudevillian performance.)

Carol (hugging him): Oh, that is great, Mike. (He agrees) I didn’t know Humphrey Bogart could sing.

Mike: Thank you. You’re really gonna bet rid of all our memories?

Carol: No, the memories we’ll keep. It’s just the junk we’ll get rid of. Could you change your clothes and give us a hand?

Mike: Okay, but my heart ain’t in it.

Alice: It ain’t your heart we need, Mr. Brady, it’s your muscles.

Mike: Okay, be back in a flash.

(Mike is downstairs hanging up his work clothes and Greg comes in.)

Greg: Dad, can I see you for a minute?

Mike: Sure, come on in. (Greg comes in the room and shuts the door) What’s up?

Greg: You know Hank Carter, don’t you?

Mike: Yes, I do.

Greg: You think he’s a nice guy?

Mike: Very nice.

Greg: Hank started college this year.

Mike: Oh, he did.

Greg: You know his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Carter, don’t you think they’re nice people too?

Mike: Very nice indeed.

Greg: Well, I got a terrific opportunity with a nice guy like Hank who’s got such nice parents.

Mike: Yeah, what opportunity is that?

Greg: Like you once told me, always take advantage of a good opportunity.

Mike: What opportunity?

Greg: hank’s got his own apartment, and he’s looking for somebody to share the expenses. And it’s only gonna cost me half the food and half the rent.

Mike: Sorry, Greg, the answer is no.

Greg: Dad, I didn’t even ask the question.

Mike: Yeah, well, I heard you coming through loud and clear.

Greg: Dad, I’ll probably be moving out next year when I go away to college anyway. I’ll already have a place to stay.

Mike: Yeah, but that’s next year.

Greg: I really need the privacy, and a guy my age needs a room of his own. And I got Peter and Bobby in my hair all the time.

Mike: Greg, I understand what you’re saying and I agree with you. Believe me, I do. But the point is, Hank didn’t move away from home until he went to college. Let’s wait until you go to college.

Greg: Dad, living in there with Peter and Bobby is like a jail sentence.

Mike: Well, you can look on the brightside of it. In a few short months you’ll be paroled for good behavior.

(The next scene has the family in the attic. They are cleaning it out.)

Mike: Now, everything that goes to the charity bazaar goes in the station wagon, and everything else gets thrown out.

Carol: Okay, troops, start moving out.

(They all say charge and Bobby, Cindy and Peter take some things out. Jan discovers a maternity dress that’s several sizes too big.)

Jan: Wow, whose was this?

Carol: It was mine.

Jan (surprised): Yours? You must’ve really been a chubby.

Carol (laughing): I was. I was 8 months pregnant with you. (She helps Jan put it in a box with other things to take downstairs) Now be careful going down the stairs, okay?

(Alice finds another unusual piece of garment.)

Alice: Now, where did we get these?

Carol: Oh, I think they’re Mr. Brady’s.

Mike: Oh, I used those several years ago on that construction job up in Maine.

Alice: Well, I think they can go, the moths seemed to open up 2 or 3 extra trapdoors.

Carol: Okay, Alice.

(She takes them, among other things, down the stairs.)

Mike: Greg, give me a hand with this chest, will you?

Greg: Sure.

Mike (to Marcia): Honey, take my rubber duck.

(Greg and Mike take the chest downstairs. Carol puts a couple of things on top.)

Carol: Ah, just what i was waiting for. She puts an old hat on Mike’s head. She notices Marcia pondering about something) Marcia, honey, I think you better stop daydreaming. We have a lot of work to do.

Marcia: Hey, Mom. I was thinking. Once the attic gets cleaned out, it would make a great extra room.

Carol: Yeah, I guess it would.

Marcia: Could I use it? I really want a room of my own.

Carol (laughing): But Marcia, the walls aren’t finished, the floors are a mess.

Marcia: I can put posters up on the walls. and that big rug we used to have in the den.

Carol: But honey…

Marcia: Oh, please, Mom. When a girl gets to be my age, she really needs a room of her own.

Carol: But wouldn’t you feel all alone up here by yourself?

Marcia: But that’s the whole point. I’d have privacy. Please Mom, can I?

Carol: Well. (She puts her arm around her) If that’s what you really want.

Marcia (hugging her): Oh, great. Thanks, Mom.

(Meanwhile, Greg and Mike are outside in the backyard discussing the same thing.)

Greg: Now that it’s empty it would make a good room for me. Now look, I’d still be at home, but kind of on my own too.

Mike: That’s not a bad idea.

(Greg jumps down from the station wagon.)

Greg: Yeah, Peter and Bobby can have more room too. It would be great for all of us.

Mike: Right.

Greg: So could I have the attic?

Mike: I don’t see any reason why not.

Greg: Thanks, Dad. This is gonna work out great.

(Peter and Bobby come outside with boxes.)

Peter: What’s gonna work out great?

Greg: Oh, hey, listen, I got something I wanna tell you.

Bobby: What?

Greg: Well, first you better put down the boxes. (They put them down) I want you to know this is nothing personal. We’ve always been great pals, and I wanted it to stay that way.

Bobby: What do you want to tell us?

Greg: I don’t want this to upset you.

Peter: What is it?

Greg: Well, I’m gonna be moving out of our room up to the attic.

(Peter and Bobby look at each other with delight and they cheer, then run back in the house.)

Mike (tapping his shoulder): They’re really broken up about that.

(He gives him some playful punches then goes inside the house. he girls are moving Marcia’s things up to the attic.)

Marcia: Wow, isn’t this gonna be great?

Jan: Terrific.

Cindy: Marvelous.

Marcia: Well, isn’t it exciting?

Jan: Marcia (sarcastically): Hooray!

Marcia: Jan, what’s wrong with you?

Jan: Well…

Cindy: I’ll tell you, we’ll miss you.

Jan: I’ll give you my half of the closet if you won’t move out.

Marcia: Look, I’m gonna miss you too. But I’m only one flight up. You can come up anytime you want.

Jan: You mean you won’t mind?

Marcia: Of course not. I’m not trying to get rid of you.

Cindy: If we come up enough of the time (she puts her arms around Marcia and Jan) It’ll be like the three of us moved into the attic.

(They go downstairs and into their room, while the boys move some of Greg’s things into the attic.)

Greg: Just drop that over there. (Peter and Bobby drop the chest they are carrying) I didn’t mean drop it, I meant (he puts his desk down) put it down.

Peter: You said drop it (to Bobby) isn’t that what he said?

Bobby: That’s what he said. (Greg looks irritated) Greg, can we go now? We got a lot of our own stuff to move too, you know.

Greg: Okay, go ahead. (He notices the boxes of stuff that the girls brought up) Wait a minute, you guys, I thought you said the whole attic was cleaned out.

Peter: It was.

Greg: Then how did this stuff get up here?

Bobby: Search me.

(They leave and go downstairs. Marcia brings some books up to the attic. She notices Greg’s trunk.)

Marcia: I wonder how that stuff got up there.

(Greg comes up with his typewriter.)

Greg: Hi.

Marcia: Hi. What’s the typewriter for?

Greg: For typing? What’s in all those boxes?

Marcia: Books.

Greg: Thanks. Come on up anytime you want and read them.

Marcia: It’s very large of you to invite me up to my room.

Greg: Your room? It’s my room.

Marcia: Quit kidding. Mom promised it to me.

Greg: Dad promised it to me.

Marcia: Well, this is my room.

Greg: That’s your opinion.

Marcia: You bet it’s my opinion. It’s my room and I’m not budging.

Greg: And I say it’s my room n I’m not budging.

(They both sit on the trunk looking in opposite directions. The scene fades out.)

(The next scene has Carol and Mike in the attic trying to solve the issue.)

Mike: Now, you can’t sit there like that forever. Somebody’s gonna have to give up the attic.

Carol: I’m sorry, Marcia, I should’ve checked with your father first.

Mike: And I should’ve checked with your mother. But still…

Marcia: Well, well, I got it all planned out. (She rushes to the window) I’m gonna put a bed right here, and I’ll have a desk beside the window, and I got some lovely curtains picked out for the window too.

Greg: Well I got it planned out too. My bed is gonna go over here, and my desk is gonna go here, and I think I’ll put shutters on the window. Besides, I’m older.

Marcia: So what?

Greg: So I should get the room.

Mike: All right, hold it, hold it, you’re not gonna solve anything by arguing.

Carol: Right.

Greg: Well then, who gets the attic?

Mike: Well, I think there’s only one way that’s fair and logical.

Marcia: What?

Mike: Greg is a year older, he’s gonna be going away to college next year. And I think it’s fair for now.

(Marcia gets upset.)

Greg: Yeah, I think that’s fair.

Marcia: Not to me.

Carol: Marcia.

Marcia: Mother.

Carol: I have to agree with your father. Look, next year the room will be yours anyway.

Mike: Right, honey, and then after you comes Peter and Jan and all the rest. That way it’s fair to everybody.

Marcia: Except for me. Why should I be penalized for being born a year too late. I’m sick and tired of being second around here.

(She leaves the attic, very upset.)

Carol (to Greg): Don’t say a word.

(That evening, Mike and Carol go out.)

Carol: Mike, if I weren’t on that bizarre committee, I think I’d skip going out tonight.

Mike: Yeah, why?

Carol: Marcia was so upset about not getting the attic, I just have a funny feeling she and Greg are gonna have a big blowup.

Mike: Honey, she’s adult enough to accept our decision. Believe me, things are gonna be fine.

(Marcia is sulking in her bedroom. Greg knocks on the door.)

Greg: Marcia.

Marcia: Go away.

Greg: Marcia.

Marcia: I said go away!

Greg: Not until I see you.

(She gets up and opens the door.)

Marcia: You seen me, now go away!

(She shuts the door and he opens it and enters the room.)

Greg: Marcia, I just wanted to give you this album. You left it in the attic.

Marcia (sarcastically): You’re all heart.

Greg: Look, I know how you feel, and I can’t blame you. But I honestly think Mom and Dad made the fair decision.

Marcia: I’ll bet you do. you got the room and I don’t. And I need it more than you do.

Greg: What’s that supposed to mean?

Marcia: Well, a girl needs more space. There’s never any room in the closet, or my drawers. And I can’t even use my hair dryer when I want to.

Greg: It’s just as crowded for me with the guys.

Marcia: Besides, I wanted to have a slumber party tonight and invite 6 of my friends over, in my own attic room.

Greg: Great! I’ve got some new pajamas I can wear.

(She starts laughing and Marcia gets very upset.)

Marcia (crying): Go ahead, make jokes, see if I care.

Greg: Hey, wait a minute. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I didn’t realize the room meant that much to you.

Marcia: Well, it does.

(Greg has a change of heart.)

Greg: Hey, Marcia, I’ll probably be leaving soon for college. Why don’t you take the room.

Marcia: You’re just saying that because I’m sitting here blubbering like an idiot.

Greg: No, no, I want you to have it. It’s got nothing to do with you being a blubbering idiot.

Marcia: Honest?

Greg: Honest.

(She wraps her arms around him. He hugs him and kisses his cheek.)

Marcia: Thanks Greg, you’re the greatest brother a girl can have.

(Meanwhile, Peter and Bobby come into their room.)

Peter: Well, Greg’s all moved in. Now we can start moving our stuff around, in our own room.

Bobby: Yeah, tomorrow, I’m all pooped out.

(Greg comes in.)

Greg: Hey, guys, I gotta talk to you.

Peter: Greg, your bed in the attic is gonna be great.

Bobby: Yeah, we have all your junk up there now.

Greg: Thanks, now you can help me haul it back into our room.

Peter: Our room?

Greg: Our room.

Bobby (to Peter): He must have banged his head on the rafter.

Greg: Marcia’s getting the attic.

Bobby (surprised): Marcia? Mom and Dad gave it to you.

Greg: I know, and I gave it to Marcia.

Peter: What’s going on around here?

Greg: I’ll tell you what’s going on around here. You two guys are gonna help me move my stuff back to our room. That’s what’s going on around here.

(Next, we see Cindy and Jan bringing some of Marcia’s stuff up to the attic. Peter and Bobby are taking Greg’s things down. Later, Bobby and Peter are taking Greg’s bed downstairs and Alice catches them.)

Alice: Hey, that’s Greg’s mattress, isn’t it?

Bobby: Yeah, we’re moving Greg out of the attic.

Alice: Oh. (the guys drop the mattress and they fall) I thought you just moved him in.

Peter: That’s right.

Alice: Then what’s going on around here?

Peter: I’ll tell you what’s going on around here. Marcia’s moving in, Greg’s moving out, and we’re doing all the work. That’s what going on around here.

(They pick the mattress up and bring it into their room. They rest right on top of it.)

Bobby: Boy, am I beat. Greg can move the rest of his stuff down himself.

Peter: Yeah, I wonder why he chickened out and let Marcia have the attic.

Bobby: Marcia probably pulled all that mushy girl stuff on him. (dramatic) Oh, Greg, please give me the attic. Boo hoo hoo hoo.

Peter: All I know is we got him back.

Bobby: Hey, maybe if we talk to Greg, we can get him to change his mind.

Peter: No way.

Bobby: Then how about talking to Marcia.

Peter: Why should she quit while she’s ahead? And what could we possibly say to her?

Bobby: Well, for one thing, we can tell her how rough it is climbing up and down the stairs. We oughtta know.

Peter: Yeah, the stairs. You know something, for a little guy, you just came up with a big idea.

(He gives Bobby a playful slap on the stomach. We bring you up to the attic, where Marcia is preparing for bed. We hear the phone ring.)

Bobby (calling): Marcia, telephone for you.

Marcia: Okay, coming.

(She goes down the stairs to take the call. Peter is down there.)

Marcia: Who is it?

Peter: Your girlfriend, Susie.

Marcia: Thanks. (She goes to take the call) Hello, hello. (She doesn’t get an answer) Hello. That’s funny, she hung up. Well, it couldn’t have been too important.

Peter: I guess not.

(Marcia goes back upstairs to the attic. By the time she gets there, the phone rings again. It’s Peter’s friend, Charlie.)

Peter (answering): Thanks, Charlie.

(Bobby is at the top of the stairs and Peter gives him the okay sign. He goes up into her attic room.)

Bobby: Marcia.

Marcia: Yeah.

Bobby: Phone for you.

Marcia: Again?

Bobby: Yeah.

(She goes back downstairs.)

Marcia: Who is it?

Peter; Your friend, Katie.

Marcia: Oh, good, thanks. (She goes to answer) Katie, hello, hello. (He hangs up) She hung up too. Can’t anybody wait till you get to the phone, it’s so annoying.

Peter (quietly): I bet it’s annoying.

(He laughs to himself and Marcia heads back into the room.)

Bobby (calling): Marcia.

Marcia: Yeah.

Bobby: Telephone again.

Marcia: Oh, no. (She goes back downstairs) Who is it this time?

Peter: Linda.

Marcia (answering): Hello, Linda, Linda, Linda. (She hangs up) You know something, Peter, I’m getting tired of this. This is really beginning to bug me.

Peter: No wonder. (The phone rings again) I’ll get it.

Marcia: No, I’ll get it. (She answers) Hello, Linda?

Peter: Oh, I just remembered, I have some homework I have to do.

Marcia (on the phone): Hey, Linda, why did you just call and hang up? You didn’t call? You’re studying with Katie. I’m beginning to smell a rat around here.

(Cut to the boys’ room, Marcia accuses Greg of the harassing phone calls.)

Greg: You got to be kidding. Why would I do a dumb thing like that?

Marcia: To bug me. So maybe I’d give up the attic and appear exhaustion.

Greg: That’s ridiculous. If I were to do that, why would I give you the room in the first place?

Marcia: How should I know? Maybe you changed your mind and didn’t have the nerve to tell me.

Greg: You don’t really believe that.

Marcia: Well, who else would want me out of the attic.

(Bobby taps Peter and they start to leave. Greg catches them.)

Greg: I’ll bet I know. All right you two, start flapping your gums.

Peter: It was us, Greg didn’t have anything to do with it.

Greg: There.

Bobby: We’re sorry, Marcia.

Peter: We just wanted this room for ourselves.

Marcia: Well. ( she starts to smile) I guess I can understand that. We all wanted our own room.

Peter: Then you’re not sore at us?

Marcia: No.

Bobby: Wow, I’d be furious.

Greg: That just proves Marcia is more mature, that’s all. You guys were just thinking about yourselves.

Marcia: I guess I was, too, Greg.

Greg: What do you mean?

Marcia: Well, about the attic. Mom and Dad were right. You’ll probably go to college next year and then, I’ll get my turn.

Greg: You mean you want me to have the attic now?

Marcia: I really do.

(Peter and Bobby move Greg’s bed back up to the attic and run into Alice agin.)

Alice: What are you doing now?

Peter: Moving Greg’s stuff to the attic.

Alice: You just moved him out of the attic, didn’t you?

Bobby: That’s right.

Alice: Well, why, what’s going on now.

Bobby: Well…

Alice: On second thought, don’t tell me. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing and ignorance is bliss.

(Late that night, Carol and Mike return home form the charity bazaar.)

Mike: I was telling John how great I thought the bazaar was, and he was telling me the Dittmeyer’s junk didn’t bring in near as much money as our junk did.

Carol: Well, I sure am glad to be home. All evening long I had this terrible feeling there was gonna be trouble over that attic.

Mike: Oh, honey, you and your woman’s intuition. I’ll bet none of them gave it a second thought.

Carol: I hope so.

(They go upstairs and look in the girls’ room. All three girls are fast asleep. Then they look in the boys’ room. Peter and Bobby separated their bunk beds. Mike picks up Peter’s robe, which fell to the floor. They go up to the attic, where Greg is sleeping.)

Carol: You were right. None of them gave it a second thought.

(The scene fades.)

(The final scene has Cindy in the kitchen, writing on the blackboard.)

Cindy: 1975, terrible.

Alice: What’s terrible?

Cindy: Mom and Dad said we’d all have a turn to live in the attic by ourselves.

Alice: Is that terrible?

Cindy: No, that’s not the terrible part.

Alice: Then what is the terrible part?

Cindy: See, first, Greg gets the room, then Marcia, then Peter and Jan and Bobby.

Alice: Yeah.

Cindy: Then comes the terrible part. By the time I get to use the room, it’ll be almost the year 2000.

Alice: That is terrible.

(Cindy puts a X over the years on the blackboard.)

THE END