S5 E16 Out Of This World

Out Of This World

Written by Larry Rhine and Al Schwartz

Peter and Bobby believe they saw a U.F.O. and set out to prove it. I hope you enjoy the script.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

MIKE BRADY

CAROL BRADY

ALICE NELSON

GREG BRADY

MARCIA BRADY

PETER BRADY

JAN BRADY

BOBBY BRADY

CINDY BRADY

MARIO MACHADO

BRIGADIER GENERAL JIM McDIVITT

HERLO, male Kaplutian

SHIM, female Kaplutian

CAPTAIN McCARTNEY, Police captain who inspects U.F.O.

(The episode begins at a TV station. Mario Machado is interviewing Brigadier General Jim McDivitt on his alleged sighting of a U.F.O.)

Mario: I’m sure you all remember Jim McDivitt, who was one of the two astronauts in the second Gemini flight, which happened to be the eighth man space flight. Well, I’m your host Mario Machado, and the show is news event. And we’re here to discuss the current rash of U.F.O. sightings. Our special guest, now Brigadier General Jim McDivitt, not only was a former astronaut, he also claims to have seen an unidentified flying object. (to Jim) First, welcome here. When was that, General?

Jim: It was during the flight of Gemini 4, Mario, in June, 1965.

Mario: Could you describe this U.F.O. for us?

Jim: Yes, it was a white object. (She uses his hands to describe the shape and form) It had been about, that high. It would’ve been about that big a round, and had a long white tube sticking out of it.

Mario: Any idea what it was?

Jim: I tried to take some pictures, but because of the way the camera was set, and the way the light was shining on the windshield, we never really got anything back except a couple of beautiful sunspots on the window. Nothing else.

Mario: Yet you still believe that was a U.F.O. that you saw in that flying orbit.

Jim: Well, it was a U.F.O., that means unidentified flying object. Whether or not it was life from another planet, I don’t really know.

Mario: General, let me lay it on the line, are you saying, do you believe that life exists elsewhere in the universe?

Jim: Yes, Mario, I really do. I think it would be very naïve and really super egotistical on our part to believe that we’re the only form of life in all this vast, vast universe, in which we live.

(The general is signing autographs for some kids before he signs for Peter and Bobby.)

Peter: Could you sign it, to my good friend, Peter Brady.

Jim: Sure thing.

Bobby: I’m his brother Bobby, make me a good friend, too.

Jim: Sure thing, Bobby. I could always use another good friend.

(He gives his signatures to them.)

Bobby: That U.F.O. you saw, were there any people in it?

Jim: I’m not really sure. I never got close enough to find out, Bobby.

Bobby: There could’ve been, right?

Jim: Oh yes, always possible.

Bobby: That’s my theory, too.

Peter: Thanks, General.

Bobby: Keep up the good work.

(He shakes his hand.)

General: I’ll try.

(He leaves.)

Bobby: Wow, I’m not gonna wash that hand for a month.

Peter: Big deal. You wouldn’t wash it anyway.

(That evening, Bobby is awakened by strange sounds. He awakens Peter.)

Bobby: Hey, Pete, wake up. (He wakes) Do you hear a weird noise?

Peter: Yeah, you yapping.

(He goes back to sleep.)

Bobby: No, for real. Listen.

(Peter hears them as well.)

Peter: Yeah, I do hear a weird noise.

Bobby: It sounds like it’s coming from outside.

(They look out the window and see a strange object.)

Bobby: It’s gone. That couldn’t have been an airplane.

Peter: Not moving like that. Bobby, you know what we just saw?

Bobby: Yeah, a U.F.O.

Peter: A real live unidentified flying object.

(The scene fades.)

(The next scene has Peter, Bobby and the girls having breakfast in the kitchen. Alice carries three heavy paper bags.)

Alice: Cindy, grab two bottles. Somebody almost had apple sauce for lunch.

Peter: Boy, you guys should’ve seen it. It zipped back and forth, and then up and down.

Bobby: And then it just hung there in space.

Peter: We saw that U.F.O. plain as day.

Bobby: Except it was night.

Marcia (teasing): Did you see little green people, too?

Bobby (defiantly): There had to be somebody inside it!

Alice: If I zipped back and forth and up and down and hung there in space, I’d be little green people too.

Jan: It was probably a helicopter you saw.

Peter: Without a propeller?

Cindy: Then I bet it was a blimp.

Bobby: How could it be a blimp. It didn’t have any advertising on it.

(Greg comes in.)

Alice: Hey, Greg.

Greg: Good morning.

Alice: What did you do to your lip?

Greg: I cut myself shaving.

NOTE: Barry Williams (Greg) was involved in a car accident prior to shooting this episode and received a split lip.

Peter: Every time he looks in the mirror he gets carried away with himself.

Greg: Very funny. What’s the big discussion?

Bobby: Peter and I saw a U.F.O. last night.

Greg: Don’t make me laugh on my lip.

Peter: No, we really did see one.

Greg: I read in the newspaper where a psychologist thinks seeing U.F.O.’s is nothing more than mass hysteria.

Peter: This wasn’t any mass. It was just me and Bobby.

Marcia: You don’t even have any witnesses to prove that you saw it.

Bobby: Sure we do. I’m Peter’s witness and he’s mine.

Jan: If you ask me, I think they’re both nuts.

Peter: Well, nobody asked you.

Bobby: We happen to be good friends with a real astronaut who saw a U.F.O.

Greg: I’ll believe U.F.O.’s exist when I see one, or at least see a genuine picture of one..

(Greg, Marcia, Jan and Cindy all leave for school.)

Bobby: You believe in U.F.O.’s, don’t you, Alice?

Alice: If I can believe I’m still 28 and weigh 103 pounds, I can believe anytihng.

(They start to leave.)

Peter (to Bobby): Yeah, wait till the guys at school hear.

Bobby: Yeah. See it go back and forth, and upside down.

(Later on, Carol is taking a picture of a fruit dish. Alice helps her set it up.)

Alice: How’s that, Mrs. Brady?

Carol: Oh, Alice, the focus is so clear I can see the fuzz on that peach.

Alice: You want to shoot it or shave it.

Carol: Let’s shoot it.

Alice: Okay, fellas. this is a take.

(She moves a banana.)

Carol: Oh, Alice, now I can’t see the grapes.

(She moves the grapes.)

Alice: Is that better?

Carol: No, Alice, now I can’t see the oranges.

Alice: Why don’t we just chop the whole thing up and make fruit salad out of it, then you can see everything.

Carol: Thanks, Alice, I’ll fix it myself. Okay.

(As she does so, Mike walks in.)

Alice: Hi, Mr. Brady.

Mike: Hi, Alice.

Carol: Hi, honey.

Mike: Hello, sweetheart.

(They kiss and Mike grabs an apple. He goes to take a bite.)

Carol: Oh, Mike, no, no, no. Please.

Mike: You can have the apple back, but can I have my teeth back.

Alice: She’s trying to photograph the fruit for her contest, Mr. Brady.

Mike: Oh, I see. Well, if you ask me, your arrangement looks a little staged and formal.

Carol: Look, how do you tell a bowl of fruit to relax and look casual. Besides, I don’t remember asking you.

(She physically moves him from the family room. She then tries to take another picture but Jan and Cindy come in.)

Jan: Hi, Mom.

Cindy: Hi.

(They both take a piece of fruit.)

Carol (shouting): Hey, kids, wait a minute. You’re eating my picture!

(She then gives a what the heck look and eats an apple.)

(Bobby and Peter come home upset in the next scene.)

Peter: The guys in junior high school would be smarter.

Bobby: Yeah, the guys in my school probably think the world is still flat.

Mike: Hello, boys. Is something wrong?

Peter: Yeah, nobody in my school believes I saw a U.F.O.

Bobby: They laughed at me in my school.

Carol: Well, you boys believe what you want to believe and let them believe what they want to believe.

Peter: Mom, you don’t understand. Our reputations are at stake. They think we’re lying.

Bobby: Yeah, more than usual.

Peter: We need some proof we saw a U.F.O.

Mike (jokingly): Well, if it shows up again, ask Flash Brady here. She’ll take some pictures of it for you.

Bobby: Hey, that’s a good idea.

Peter: Mom, can we borrow your camera tonight? Maybe it’ll show up again.

Carol (sheepishly): Oh, all right, but take good care of it. Okay?

Bobby: We’ll take super care of it.

Peter: We’ll camp out in the backyard, and if it shows up, we’ll have all the proof we need.

Mike: Hold it, fellas, not so fast about the backyard.

Bobby: Oh, please, Dad. We can sleep in our sleeping bags and we can go camping.

Peter: Yeah, and this is right in our own backyard. Please?

Mike: Well, okay. You can camp out but on two conditions.

Peter: Two conditions?

Mike: Right. 1. You promise to get some sleep because tonight’s a school night. And 2. When a U.F.O. lands, don’t wake us up in the middle of the night to go out and greet it.

Bobby: Okay.

(That evening, they are outside with Carol’s camera.)

Bobby: You sure you know how to work that thing?

Peter: Yeah, Mom showed me.

Bobby: You got any film in it?

Peter: Of course.

Bobby: It’s pretty dark out here. You got the right opening on it?

Peter: It’s open all the way.

Bobby: Remember the lands cap. Don’t forget about that.

Peter: Bobby, I took off the lands cap. Now, it’s all set. Now, why don’t you get to sleep and I’ll take the first watch.

Bobby: How do you expect me to sleep at a time like this?

Peter: Okay, then, you watch the east and I’ll watch the west.

Bobby: Good idea. (He taps Peter) Which way’s east?

Peter: Over there.

(Jan and Cindy come outside.)

Cindy: Hey, did the U.F.O. land yet?

Bobby: No, do you see one?

Jan: Oh, we thought that maybe you hid it in your sleeping bags?

Peter: Look, if you came out here to make jokes, you can leave.

Bobby: Yeah.

Cindy: We believe in flying objects, Peter.

Jan: It’s just that flying objects don’t believe in us.

Peter (getting up): Listen, if you guys aren’t out of here in three seconds, you’re both gonna be flying objects!

Jan: Oh, quiver.

Cindy: Quake, quake.

Peter: Blast off.

(They leave and we take you to later in the evening, with them still outside.)

Peter: it’s getting prett ylate.

Bobby: Yeah, U.F.O.’s are sure undependable.

(They hear a strange sound, then an object starts to float in the sky.)

Bobby: The U.F.O.!

Peter: It’s back!

Bobby: Don’t just lie there, take pictures! (They get out of their sleeping bags and to the camera) Come on! Get up!

(Peter goes to the camera to get a picture. We see Greg in the attic room blowing on a whistle out the window and holding a flashlight.)

Bobby: Get any good pictures?

Peter: Yeah, but I wish it would stand still.

(Greg continues to blow out the window. Marcia comes up to see him.)

Marcia: Greg, what are you doing with that flashlight?

Greg: I was scaring a cat out the back fence.

(She looks out the window and sees Peter and Bobby.)

Bobby: It’s gone.

Peter: It just disappeared into nothing.

Marcia: I don’t see any fence.

Greg: Of course not, I scared it away. What are you doing here?

Marcia: You wanted to borrow my thermos for your fishing trip.

Greg: Oh, yeah, thanks.

Bobby (to Peter): Keep looking. The U.F.O. might come back.

Marcia (folding her arms): So, you’re the U.F.O. (Greg gives a guilty look) Isn’t that kind of a dirty trick?

Greg: I was just getting even with those two creeps for telling Mom and Dad I got home late Saturday night.

Marcia: Well, it’s still a dirty trick, but I love it because they squealed on me last week, too. (They laugh) How does it work?

Greg: Let me show you. I strung up a piece of fishing line over the yard between those trees. And then I hid a clear plastic curtain behind one of those trees. I use this cord to pull it off. I just flash this red light on it. Blow this whistle. Presto. Instant U.F.O.

(He shows her and it causes the guys to think they see it again. Bobby pushes Peter roughly.)

Bobby: Peter, the U.F.O.!

Peter: I see it!

Bobby: Hurry up, take pictures!

(They go to take another picture.)

Marcia: Greg, you’re a genius. (He blows more on the whistle) Can I try it?

Greg: Okay. (He gives her the flashlight) Hold it steady.

Marcia: Okay. (She holds the flashlight while he blows on the whistle) Like that?

Greg: Yeah, don’t hit the tree.

Peter: Boy, are these gonna be great pictures.

Bobby: Yeah, wait till the guys at school see them.

Peter: Wait till the world sees them, we’ll be famous.

Bobby: Take pictures.

(The scene fades.)

(The next scene has Carol showing Mike some negatives in their bedroom.)

Carol: You want to see your 12 kids.

Mike: 12? How did we get 12?

Carol: I double exposed the negatives. Look.

(He looks at the pictures and the door knocks loudly.)

Mike: Come in.

(Peter and Bobby run in.)

Peter: Dad, we saw it again!

Bobby: The U.F.O. was here!

Peter: And this time we have proof on film!

Mike: You really think you saw something?

Peter: Honest, Dad.

Bobby: Double honest. Mom, will you develop the film for us?

Carol: Sure, first thing in the morning.

Peter: We mean now.

Carol: Oh, honey, it’s late and everything’s put away. In the morning.

Bobby: But the morning’s a long way off.

Peter: We’ll toss and turn all night. We won’t get any sleep.

Mike: We’ll risk it. Hit the sack. (He sends them out) Good night, boys. Sleep well.

Carol: Mike, what do you suppose they really saw?

Mike: Beats me.

Carol: Do you think there are U.F.O.’s?

Mike: Well, anytihng is possible.

(Later that night, Bobby dreams he is outside with a camera and a flying saucer lands. A space creature known as Herlo comes out. He starts walking down the steps.)

Herlo: One small step for spacemen. One giant step for Kaplutians.

(He jumps from the steps and safely lands on his feet. Then he looks inside the saucer for his wife, Shim.)

Herlo: Come on, honey.

(Shim comes out with his help. She is holding a flag with a K on it, short for Kaplutus. He takes it and we show Bobby sleeping, then back to the dream sequence. They’re holding a bag with a football in it. They see Bobby.)

Shim: Look, Herlo, a space creature. Strange looking.

(Herlo checks him out.)

Herlo: Round head. Weird white color. Are you friend or enemy?

Bobby: Oh, I’m a friend. Welcome to Earth.

Herlo: Earth? Is that what they call this planet?

Bobby: Uh-huh. Where are you from?

Herlo: Oh, we’re from Kaplutus.

Bobby: Kaplutus? Where’s that?

Herlo: Everyone knows where Kaplutus is. It’s between Zelda and Varda.

Bobby: Are all Kaplutians your size?

Shim: No.

Herlo: Are all earth people your size?

Bobby: Oh, no. Here on Earth I’m very small.

Herlo: On Kaplutus, we’re very big.

Bobby: Hey, can I take a picture of you, so i can prove you’re here?

Herlo: Sure.

Shim: My hair must look a mess after that 10 billion mile trip.

Bobby: Smile.

(They move closer together as Bobby takes a few shots of them.)

Herlo (to Shim): Honey, why don’t we take this strange looking creature back home with us, to prove there’s life on other planets.

Shim: A good idea, darling.

Herlo (to Bobby): How would you like to come to our planet and visit civilization?

Bobby (excited): Boy, would I! How long would it take?

Herlo: Oh, short time. I’ll have you back in 3,000 years.

Bobby: 3,000 years?

Shim: Only 10 minutes your time, honey.

Bobby (still excited): Wow, I’m going on a flying saucer! (He happily hops in the saucer with the Kaplutians) Bye.

(The saucer takes off while Bobby is saying in his sleep that he’s going on a flying saucer. Peter wakes him up.)

Peter: Bobby, wake up.

Bobby: Huh?

Peter: You were dreaming about a trip on a flying saucer.

Bobby: Yeah, and I was gonna be a basketball star on Kaplutus.

(Next, Carol is developing the pictures in a darkroom, with Peter and Bobby watching.)

Peter: Hurry up, Mom, the world is waiting to see our pictures.

Carol: Would you relax, Peter. These prints take a long time.

Bobby: Hey, Pete. What if Mom ruins them?

Peter: She won’t ruin them. (to Carol) Will you?

Bobby: Remember, she’s an amateur. Maybe we should’ve taken them to a professional.

Carol: Thanks a lot. I am overwhelmed by your under confidence.

(Alice brings some pancakes to the other kids in the kitchen.)

Alice: Anyone for more flapjacks? Hot off the grill and still flapping?

Cindy: For me, Alice.

Jan: Me too.

(They raise their plates and she serves them.)

Greg: No thanks, I gotta get going.

Marcia: Same here.

Alice: Aren’t you two gonna stick around and see how Peter and Bobby’s U.F.O. pictures turn out?

Greg: No. In their case I think U.F.O. means undoubtedly flipped out.

Marcia: Hey, Alice, if any space creatures do show up, give them some flapjacks and tell them to stick around for a while.

Cindy: Do you think Peter and Bobby really did see a U.F.O.?

Jan: They think they saw something, something shaped like a cigar.

(They come out with pictures.)

Peter (excited): Look at this! We got them!

Bobby: We got them!

(They show Jan and Cindy.)

Peter: Look, a real U.F.O.!

Bobby: In the flesh!

Carol: Alice, look, there really is something in that film.

Peter: Right there.

Bobby: That’s sort of blah.

Jan: That really does look like a U.F.O.

Alice: It looks so tiny.

Bobby: What do you mean tiny? That’s your average sized U.F.O.

Cindy: That’s a U.F.O. all right.

Peter: Sure, we better call the newspapers.

Bobby: And tell them we identified an unidentified flying object.

Carol: Hold it, boys. Hold it. You’re not going anywhere until your father gets home from work and takes a look at those pictures.

(Mike is in his den, checking the pictures out.)

Carol: Well, Mike, what do you think?

Mike: Well, I’ve come to a conclusion.

Carol: And.

Mike: They’re either U.F.O.’s, or they’re not U.F.O.’s. How’s that for a definite maybe?

Carol: Even your maybe doesn’t sound very definite.

Mike: I haven’t seen very many U.F.O.’s.

Carol: What do you think we ought to do?

Mike: Pass the buck, to somebody who should know about it more than we do. (He gets on the phone) Operator, could you get me the number please for Carter Air Force Base?

(Alice is dusting in the kitchen and she hears the doorbell. It is Captain McCartney to investigate.)

Captain McCartney: Mr. Brady, please, I’m Captain McCartney.

Alice: Are you selling tickets to the policeman’s ball or is this a bust?

Captain McCartney (wryly): I’m here to investigate an alleged sighting of an alleged U.F.O.

Alice: Oh, that. Come in, please. I thought Mr. Brady reported that to the air Force.

Captain McCartney: He did, but the Air Force stuck the Police Department. You see, the Air Force refuses to keep investigating things that don’t exist, and I share their opinion.

Alice: Then how come you’re here investigating something that doesn’t exist?

Captain McCartney: Because I only have two more years to go for my pension.

Alice: Oh, oh, this way please.

(We take you to the family room. Captain McCartney is checking out the pictures.)

Captain McCartney: You say these photos are genuine, Mr. Brady?

Mike: Yes, that’s right, Captain.

Peter: I took them myself.

Bobby: With Mom’s camera.

Carol: And I developed them, Captain.

Captain McCartney (checking them over): Well, these could be anything. Weather balloon (She sees Alice bending over to look), reflection, swamp gas.

Bobby: We don’t have a swamp in our backyard.

Captain McCartney: Well, whatever it is, it’s defintely not a U.F.O.

(He gets upset over seeing Alice bending over him again.)

Mike: How can you be so certain, Captain?

Captain McCartney: Because there are no U.F.O.’s, Mr. Brady. I’ve investigated hundreds of sightings of U.F.O.’s, and the little green people, and you’d be amazed, how many of them stagger in the station on Saturday night.

(Greg and Marcia come by.)

Greg: What’s going on?

Carol: Captain McCartney is here to investigate the U.F.O. pictures Peter took.

Marcia: Oh, no.

(Greg goes up to Mike.)

Greg: Dad, I have to talk to you.

Mike: Later.

Greg: It’s urgent, Dad.

Mike: Later, Greg.

Greg: It’s really urgent. Can’t wait.

Mike: Excuse me.

Greg: Excuse us, Captain.

(Greg takes Mike up to the attic, where he shows him what he had done.)

Greg: I used this cord to pull out this plastic curtain, then I get this flashlight, and this whistle. Flash it on the screen, there’s your U.F.O.

(He demonstrates to Mike. Cut to the family room.)

Captain McCartney: Well, I think we wasted enough time on this U.F.O. nonsense, Mrs. Brady. Good night and… (He hears the sound Greg’s whistle makes) What’s that?

(He hears it again and sees it.)

Peter: Our U.F.O.!

Bobby: It’s back!

(Marcia tries to stop them.)

Bobby: Hey, our U.FO. is back

(They all look excitingly out the window.)

Carol: Well, what do you say now, Captain?

Captain McCartney: I actually saw one. Hey, where’s the phone, I got to report this.

(Alice points him to the phone.)

Marcia: Captain, maybe you can wait.

Captain McCartney: Nonsense, young lady. (He dials) Sergeant, Captain McCartney, I want to report a U.F.O. Lift the Air Defense Command immediately.

(It disappears.)

Bobby: Hey, it’s gone again.

Captain McCartney (on the phone): Don’t argue with me, Sergeant, don’t you think I know a U.F.O.? I saw it with my own eyes. Oh, (to Peter) son, you with the camera, get a picture of me reporting this.

Peter: Sure.

(He takes a few shots. We go back up to the attic with Greg and Mike.)

Greg: I’m really sorry about the whole thing, Dad.

Mike: It was a pretty silly thing to do.

Greg: I never thought it would get this out of hand. I guess I got some explaining to do.

Mike: Mmm hmm. Not only to me.

Greg (to himself): Yeah, I wonder what Captain Mccartney’s gonna say.

(We next see the captain up in Greg’s room.)

Captain McCartney (frustrated): I knew it was a hoax. There’s no such thing as U.F.O.’s. They’re all fakes and phonies and I never…

Mike: You reported it to your office, Captain.

Captain McCartney (to Greg); I’ll keep my mouth shut if you keep your mouth shut.

Greg: It’s a deal. I won’t tell anyone about your phone call to the sergeant if you don’t tell anyone about my U.F.O.

Captain McCartney: Deal.

(They shake hands and the captain leaves. Greg and Mike slap each other five and the scene fades.)

(The final scene has Mike and Carol scolding Greg for his actions.)

Carol: I hope you realize how your joke nearly snowballed into an avalanche.

Greg: I sure do, Mom. Now I got to figure out a way to make it up to Peter and Bobby. They’re really down on me.

Mike: Well, Greg, you’ll have plenty of time to think about it because you just lost the car for this weekend.

Greg: This weekend’s my big fishing trip, Dad.

Mike: Well, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell the fish that you were grounded.

Greg: Grounded? But all the guys are expecting to meet me up there.

Mike: Sorry, Greg, no car.

Greg: How am i gonna get there without a car?

Carol: Well, I guess you’ll just have to hitch a ride on a U.F.O.

THE END

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