Vote For Brady
Written by Elroy Schwartz
Greg and Marcia were nominated to run against each other for student body president. In spite of Carol and Mike being neutral, Jan and Cindy took Marcia’s side while Peter and Bobby took Greg’s side. Well, may the better Brady win.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
RUSTY, Greg’s friend and campaign manager
SCOTT, Greg’s other friend
MR. DICKENS, school principal
(The episode begins with Carol and Alice gardening in the backyard)
Alice: You know, Mrs. Brady, I don’t know how you do it.
Carol: Do what?
Alice: Take some tiny seeds and some dirt and some water and get a beautiful flower. When I try it, all I get is a muddy seed.
Carol (laughing): Oh, Alice.
Marcia: Mother, mother!
Carol: I’m out here in the backyard! (She looks at her watch) Goodness, I had no idea it was after 3.
Alice: After 3, it’s time for the cookie brigade to get home.
Marcia (running up to Carol): Mother, they nominated me, I couldn’t believe it, but they did.
Carol: They nominated you for what?
Marcia: President of the student body.
Carol (hugging her): Sweetheart, that’s wonderful.
Alice: Yeah, that’s really great, Marcia.
Marcia; And wait till you hear who I’m running against.
Carol: Oh, whoever it is, it doesn’t matter. I’m sure you’ll win.
Marcia: But, Mother.
Alice: She’s right, no matter who it is, you’ll win.
Greg (running into the backyard): Mom, Alice. Guess what.
Greg: I was just nominated to run for president of the student body.
Carol: You mean…
Marcia: That’s what I was trying to tell you, we’re running against each other.
(Carol and Alice look surprised as the scene fades out)
(In the next scene, Mike comes home and Carol shares the good news with him)
Carol: And they were both nominated for student body president.
Mike (excited): Both our kids, for the same office?
Carol: Yeah, we’ve been keeping your dinner warm.
Mike: Oh, honey, sorry I’m late.
Carol: Of course, two people running for office living in the same house…
Mike: Yeah, I see what you mean.
(He and Carol head to the kitchen)
Mike: Hi, Alice.
Alice: Mr. Brady, everything is well done.
Mike: Well, that’s the way I like it, well done. Especially when I don’t have a choice. (to Carol) Greg was nominated and so was Marcia.
Carol: Yep. For student body president.
(Mike slams the cabinet door)
Carol: Honey, be careful. We have a cake in the oven.
Alice: Whoever wins the election, we have to have a celebration.
Carol (to Mike): I know what you’re thinking, we may have some problems.
Mike: Well, in the heat of an election, candidates sometimes get carried away.
Alice (bringing Mike his dinner): That’s the truth, I remember when I was in grammar school, a little girl who was running for office actually pulled anther little girl’s hair.
Carol: I bet nobody voted for that little girl.
Alice: Right, that’s how I lost the election. (Mike and Carol laugh) Well, she yanked my hair first.
Carol: Oh, Alice. (She turns to Mike) Well, I’m sure we won’t have any of those problems with Greg and Marcia.
Mike: Mmm, that’s true. I think we’re worried about nothing. Greg and Marcia are sensible kids.
(Greg and Marcia are in the family room fighting over use the telephone)
Greg: Get off that phone!
Marcia: I will not! I have just as much right to use it as you do! (Mike and Carol walk in) Don’t you dare touch this phone!
Carol: What’s going on in here?
Greg: She’s hogged it long enough!
Marcia: He’s just gonna have to wait till I’m finished!
Greg: Give me the phone!
Carol: Marcia, get down off the chair with your shoes on.
Greg: Dad, I asked her three times if I can use the phone!
Marcia: He never asked!
Greg: I even said please!
Marcia: He never asked, he just told me to get off!
Mike: Put it down, and we’ll talk about it. (Marcia slams the phone down while Alice checks on the cake to see if it’s not ruined) Young lady, pick up that receiver and put it down properly. (Marcia puts the receiver down the right way) Now, let’s all sit down.
(Greg sits on the couch while Marcia sits on another)
Carol: Uh,uh, over there.
Mike (to Greg): Come on, move.
Carol: Now. Marcia, how long have you been on the phone?
Marcia: Five minutes, ha.
Greg (sarcastically): Five minutes.
Mike: Okay, okay, does this have something to do with the election? Is that it?
Greg: Yeah, she was calling kids on the phone trying to get their votes.
Mike (to Greg): What did you want to use it for?
Greg: The same thing.
Carol: I’m surprised at you.
Mike: So am I, we’re proud that you’re both running for student body president, but you’re both behaving like kindergarten kids.
Greg: Girls are always talking on the phone.
Marcia: Who are they talking to, boys.
Carol: I guess we’re gonna make rules about the telephone during this campaign.
Mike: Right, we’ll make time limits.
Carol: Like, how about a half hour for each person.
Greg and Marcia (protesting): ONLY A HALF HOUR?
Mike: Sounds good to me.
Carol: Look, you can make one call or ten. That’s entirely up to you.
Mike: Let’s say 7:30 to 8:00 for Marcia
Carol: And 8:00 to 8:30 for Greg.
Mike (to the kids): Okay?
Greg: I guess so. Can I use it now?
Mike: When Marcia’s half hour is over. Meantime, you can start your homework.
Marcia: I’ll use the extension upstairs.
(Carol and Mike laugh while we move upstairs to the boys’ room, where the other kids are arguing over who’ll win the election)
Bobby: Marcia doesn’t have a chance against Greg.
Jan: You mean he doesn’t have a chance against her. Not a chance.
(Jan stamps her foot while Alice checks the cake downstairs)
Peter: You’re stamping your foot just like a girl.
Bobby: Yeah, a girl.
Jan: Well, dum-dums, that’s what I am.
Bobby: Greg will beat her anyway.
Cindy (raising her fists): You say that once more and I’ll bop you.
(Carol and Mike walk in)
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, that’ll be enough of that.
Mike: Just a second.
Carol: Look, kids, no matter who wins we want you to be happy about it.
(The kids all look upset)
Mike: Oh, come on, let’s have some smiles here.
(They all put on fake smiles. Alice’s cake is done and when she checks it, she accidentally knocks the baking sheet down and the cake winds up losing its shape.)
(In the next scene, Carol and Mike are in the den discussing the election further while Mike is building a house)
Carol: Well, we should have known all along that the boys would take Greg’s side and the girls would take Marcia’s side.
Mike: Everybody’s always taking sides. Kids, grown-ups, countries.
Carol: You know something, Mike?
Carol: I think it’s very important that we show Marcia and Greg that we’re not taking sides.
Mike: Honey, you’re absolutely right. And the sooner we let them know that, the better.
(She took a small green clay of brick off his arm)
(They leave the den and Carol goes to see Marcia, who is in her room trying to work on her campaign. She throws a piece of paper behind her as Carol walks in and she picks it up)
Carol: Working on your campaign?
Carol: Well after you win, will I have to call you Ms. President? (Marcia laughs)
Marcia: Mom, will you help me win the election?
Marcia: Then you’ll be helping me beat Greg.
Carol: Not at all, I’ll be helping you win an election. And if Greg needs my help, I’ll help him too.
Marcia: My opponent?
Carol: Strictly impartial. Marcia, do you blame me?
Marcia: Yes, but I guess you’re right.
Carol: Good, now, how can I help?
Marcia: Well, we can spend up to ten dollars on the campaign, and I’m trying to decide the best way to use the money.
Carol: Hmm, ten dollars, ten dollars. Why don’t we make posters. you know, big colorful signs with slogans.
Marcia: Groovy, will you help me with the slogans?
Carol: Oh, sure.
(In the boys room, Mike is helping Greg with a tape recorder.)
Mike: Then you plug it in here, see.
Greg: How do you record?
Mike: With these two buttons. Stop it here.
Greg: Gee, thanks, Dad.
Mike: Anything to help you, son.
Greg: You know, with ten bucks worth of tapes, I can blast my campaign promises from every loudspeaker in school. Thanks again.
Mike: That’s okay, Greg.
Greg (into the recorder): Testing, 1-2-3. (repeats it three more times)
(Mike walks out of the room and Carol out of the girls room. they meet in the hallway)
Mike: Everything all right with Marcia?
Carol: Uh-huh, how about Greg?
Mike: Oh, he’s fine. I’ll see if there’s any way I can help Marcia.
Carol: She’ll be happy about that. I’ll let Greg know he can count on me.
(The next scene is at Greg’s school. His friend Rusty had just spoke to the principal)
Greg: Well, how did you do with Mr. Benson?
Rusty: He said we can hold the rally in the morning, as long as we stop at the first bell.
Scott (pointing to Greg’s recorder): What’s that for?
Greg: Oh, I got an idea last night. My father let me use his recorder. Just listen to this. (He turns the recorder on) I figured we can play it on the loudspeaker in between classes. That way it’ll say “vote for Greg with all my campaign promises”.
(The recorder doesn’t turn on, to Greg’s surprise)
Scott: Well, you didn’t promise them too much.
Greg: That’s funny.
Rusty: Maybe there’s a different tape in it.
(Greg takes the tape out to check)
Greg: Let’s see. (He take sit out) No, this is the right one.
Rusty: Maybe someone erased it.
Greg (angry): Marcia. (Rusty and Scott nod to each other) It took me two hours to get that tape right. Just wait till I get home. Boy, am I gonna let her have it.
(Back at home, Marcia is in the family room looking for something. Jan and Cindy come in)
Jan: What are you doing?
Marcia: I lost something and I’m looking for it.
Jan: We’ll help you look.
Cindy: Yeah. (They look under the chairs) What are we looking for?
Jan: I don’t know. (she turns to Marcia) What are we looking for?
Marcia: A sheet of notebook paper with all my campaign plans. Maybe I left it upstairs in the bedroom.
Jan: We’ll look up there, come on, Cindy.
(Jan and Cindy go upstairs while Marcia continues to look. Greg comes in)
Greg: Marcia, that was a dirty trick.
Greg: You shouldn’t have done it.
Marcia: Done what/
Greg: You know.
Marcia: No, I don’t
Greg: About the tape.
Marcia: What tape?
Greg: You erased the tape I made on dad’s recorder.
Marcia: I didn’t even touch Dad’s tape recorder. But what do you know about my slogans for my campaign posters I’m sure I left them here in the family room?
Greg: What slogans? I didn’t even know you were using posters.
(Mike, Carol and Alice come in)
Mike: All right, all right, what’s going o, huh?
Greg; Marcia erased the tapes I made on your recorder last night.
Marcia: No, I didn’t. Greg took the plans for my campaign posters. I left them in here and they were gone this morning.
Alice: Campaign slogans, were they on notebook paper?
Marcia: Two sheets of notebook paper.
Alice: Oh Marcia, I’m sorry. Greg didn’t take them, I did.
Carol: You did?
Alice: Yes, ma’am. They looked like a bunch of doodles and I thought they were scrap paper so I threw them away.
Marcia: You threw it away?
Alice: I’m sorry.
Maria: What good does that do me?
Mike: Honey, Alice said she was sorry.
Marcia: I bet she meant to do it. She’s been living with Greg longer and she wants him to win.
(Marcia leaves the family room)
Alice: I am sorry. I didn’t know they were something important.
Carol: Oh, that’s all right, Alice.
Greg: But what about the tape she erased?
Mike: Oh, Greg, you don’t know that.
Greg (angry): And you were going to be impartial, Oh Boy!
(Greg leaves the family room in a huff while Mike and Carol try to comfort a dejected Alice)
(The next scene has Marcia crying in her room over losing her slogans. Carol comes in to talk to her)
Carol (sitting on Marcia’s bed): Sweetheart, I know crying helps some, but I think it would help more if you went downstairs and apologize to Alice.
Marcia: Apologize? Why?
Carol: Well deep down yo know Alice didn’t deliberately throw away your papers, and you just said that out of anger, isn’t that true? (She puts Marcia’s chin up to face her) Well, isn’t it?
Marcia: I guess so.
Carol: Just like Greg accusing you of destroying his tape, you didn’t do that?
Marcia: You’re right mother, of course not.
(She continues crying as we move downstairs, with Alice in the kitchen with Jan and Cindy, they’re making new posters for Marcia)
Jan: Boy, Marcia’s sure gonna be surprised when she sees these posters we’re making for her.
Cindy: It was a good idea, Alice.
Alice: I sure hope it helps her campaign.
Cindy: Can I make another one?
Alice: You’re finished already?
(She shows Alice her poster, which has VOTE FOR MARCIA, but spelled wrong.
Jan: That doesn’t say anything.
Cindy: Alice said to copy the letters, she didn’t say how.
Alice (holding the poster up): You know, I like it, it’s kind of catchy. It’ll really make people remember her name.
Marcia (coming in the kitchen): Hi.
Jan: Oh, hi, look at these neat posters.
Cindy: Look at mine, look at mine.
Alice: That’s our scrabble poster.
Marcia: Alice, are you helping me make the posters too?
Alice: You bet your bottom dollar.
Alice: What is it, sweetie?
Marcia: Alice, I said a couple of things a while ago…
Alice: I know exactly what you’re gonna say honey, and you don’t have to bother to say it.
(She kisses Alice on the cheek and Cindy watches and smiles)
Alice: Come on, come on, we haven’t got time for all this mush. We’ve got posters to get done.
(Greg walks into Mike’s den)
Greg: Bobby said you wanted to see me.
Mike: Yeah, Greg, I think we better straighten out a few things.
Greg: I’m sorry I got angry Dad, but, I was sore about Marcia erasing my tape.
Mike: How do you know Marcia erased your tape/
Greg: Well, who else would have?
Mike: Or any of the kids, Greg, I’ve punched the wrong key on that thing myself sometimes. Come on, be honest. You don’t know Marcia erased your tapes.
Mike: It isn’t any different than Marcia thinking you threw your paper away.
Greg: Okay, you win.
Mike: I’m not trying to win anything.
Greg: It could’ve happened that way, I guess.
Mike: Is it settled then?
Greg: Settled. (He starts walking away then stops) You know, Dad, lots of kids think their parents are wrong about everything. But I think you’re right, quite often.
Mike: Thank you, Greg.
(In the family room, Alice turns on a tape recorder and has Peter and Bobby do a cheerleading act)
Alice: Okay, you ready? All right now, just do it the way I told you.
Peter (into the recorder): V
Peter, Bobby and Alice: Yay, Greg.
Bobby: Boy, that was neat-o. I bet Greg will be real surprised.
Peter: Yeah, where did you learn that?
Alice: I used to be a cheerleader in high school.
Peter: Oh, will you do one of your cheers for us?
Bobby: Please, please?
Alice: Yeah, yeah. Here, here. E-V-A-N-D-E-R, E-V-A-N-D-E-R. Evander, Evander. Yay, (Pause) team.
(Alice’s back goes out)
Peter: What’s the matter?
Alice (sitting down): I remember the cheers but my back didn’t.
(Marcia is upstairs in her room with Carol going over her pledges)
Marcia: Do you like this campaign pledge? I will try my best to get more boys to the Friday night school dance.
Carol: Well, I think it’s a great pledge, but you’re fighting a losing battle.
Carol: Well, we girls have been trying to get boys to come to the school dance since 3,000 B.C.
Marcia: Really mom?
Carol: Well, I’ve only been at it since 2,000 B.C.
(She and Marcia laugh and Mike walks in)
Mike: Hi, how’s it going?
Carol: Oh, fine, we’re just going over Marcia’s campaign speech.
Mike: Oh, you got them in really good shape, Marcia?
Marcia: Well, I hope so. I promised everybody everything I can think of.
Mike: It sounds like you’re running for Congress.
Marcia: I mean every one of my promises too.
Mike: Forget what I said about Congress. (They laugh) Say listen, maybe you and Greg would like to try out your speeches in front of an audience.
Marcia: What audience?
Carol: Our family.
Carol: When we get together, we’re a whole audience all by ourselves. That is, unless you got some secrets you don’t want Greg to hear.
Marcia: There aren’t any secrets, Mom. Our platforms were printed in the school paper last week.
Mike: Then if it’s all right with Greg, we’ll have a full-scale audience tonight.
(The family is now downstairs sitting in the living room with Marcia giving her speech)
Marcia: And as my last pledge, I promise to set one afternoon aside each week to listen to anyone who has a complaint or suggestion. I promise to follow through until you are satisfied with the result. Listening is okay, but results are what counts, and that’s what you’ll get from me if you vote, results. (Mike, Carol, Alice, Jan and Cindy clap, but not Greg, Peter or Bobby. Marcia’s feelings get hurt) And as your president, I would always, I would always represent every one of you whether you vote for me, or not. Thank you.
(Marcia cries and Carol comforts her. mike goes over as well and then Cindy claps, but Alice stops her)
Mike: Gang, it’s time we have a little talk. (to the boys) I hope you three are proud of yourselves. (He turns to Jan and Cindy) And your behavior while Greg was speaking was just as bad.
Carol: Oh Marcia, your speech was just fine, you mustn’t let the boys upset you.
Marcia: I know, but…
Carol: Look, if you’re gonna run for any kind of office, you have to expect the opposition to be, well, rude. On the other hand, you shouldn’t have to expect it in your own home.
Mike: Yes, that’s exactly right. (Marcia goes to sit down) Now, don’t want to make a big thing about this, but your mother and I don’t like what just happened.
Carol: You made it a contest between boys and girls. That isn’t right.
Mike: We’re gonna be a family for a lot longer than either Marcia or Greg will be in office. Okay, you can go now.
(The kids all go upstairs and Alice goes in the kitchen. Mike and Carol sit down, looking upset)
(The next scene has Carol in the kitchen taking things from the refrigerator and setting them down when Marcia comes in from the family room)
Marcia: Mom, did you say there was more paint in the garage for the posters?
Carol: Uh-huh, top shelf on the left right next to my golf clubs.
Marcia: How come you don’t ever play golf anymore?
Carol: With six children, a husband, a house and a dog, you ask me how come.
Marcia: Yeah. mom.
Carol: Hmm, I’d like to talk to you about something.
Carol: Well, I wanted to talk to you about this for a long time, but, one minute, well, I tell myself to forget about it, and then I, um.
Marcia: What is it?
Carol: Marcia, you are one year younger than Greg, and you do have two additional semesters to run for student body semesters. and I thought that maybe, well, forget it sweetheart. May the best Brady win. Go ahead, get the paint for the posters.
(Marcia walks out while Carol slices a tomato. Meanwhile, Greg is outside with his friends tallying up the prediction results. Greg writes a chart with me/her on the ground)
Greg: Okay, precinct workers, how many counts can we count on from Rick’s class.
Rusty: Uh, Rick. (He checks his tally sheet) Here it is, 14 out of 27.
(Greg writes 14 in his column and 13 in Marcia’s column)
Greg: Ooh, that’s awful close.
Scott: Yeah, even for a football game.
Greg: I’m not worried about a football game. I’m worried about this election.
Rusty: I know a sure way for you to win tomorrow.
Greg: A sure way? How?
Rusty: We can start a rumor about her.
Greg: A rumor about Marcia?
Rusty: Uh-huh, you know, something nasty, like she was seen in the balcony at the movies last Saturday afternoon with that creep Felix Brown.
(Marcia passes by and looks on. She hears Rusty’s suggestion in disgust, until Greg sticks up for her)
Greg (angry): Now wait a minute you, you’re talking about my sister. You start a rumor like that and I’ll personally knock your head in. Got me?
Rusty: Don’t get tough with me, Greg, I got a lot of votes lined up for you/I’m your campaign manager.
Greg: You were my campaign manager. Now, get lost, Rusty.
Rusty: You mean that?
Greg: You bet I mean that. I don’t like that kind of stuff.
(Rusty drops his pamphlets and walks away)
Scott: You’ve really done it, Greg. You’ve blown the election.
(Marcia looks on with a newfound admiration for Greg. In the next scene, we move to Greg and Marcia’s school. There’s a sign outside that says BE A GOOD CITIZEN VOTE FOR MARCIA BRADY. We go inside to the auditorium, where Greg is speaking)
Greg: And I was editor of the yearbook and member of student council for three semesters and I’ve had a lot more experience than my worthy opponent. And that’s why I think you should elect me president of the student body. Thank you.
(The audience claps. Mr. Dickens, the principal get sup to speak)
Mr. Dickens: And now we’ll hear from the other candidate, who, by coincidence, has the same last name as the first candidate. Marcia Brady.
(The audience claps and now Marcia gets up to speak)
Marcia: Thank you, Mr. Dickens. Fellow students, I have a prepared speech, but I’m not going to use it, and for a very good reason. I have reconsidered my candidacy. (The audience mumbles in surprise) My opponent has more experience than I do in school government. Besides, I think he’s real groovy. If those of you who helped in my campaign really want to elect the best president for the job, it’s Greg Brady, brother or not.
(The audience and Greg gives Marcia a surprised look. She gives him a gracious concession look and he smiles)
(Back at home, The family is sitting at the table as Alice comes out with a victory cake)
Marcia: Oh Alice, you shouldn’t have put my name on it.
Greg: I told her to. You would’ve won the election.
Marcia: Uh-uh, you would have run away with it.
Greg: No, no, you’re wrong, you were a cinch.
Marcia: I didn’t have a chance.
Mike: Just a minute, the election’s over. As far as I’m concerned, there are two winners.
Carol: And we’re all equally proud of both of them.
Alice: Here, here. Now, if you two winners would please blow out the candles before they melt the cake?
(Marcia and Greg get up and blow the candles out)
Carol: Oh, all right.
Mike: I want a rose.
(The family claps and Alice starts cutting the cake as the scene fades out)
(The epilogue has Carol in the girls bedroom)
Cindy (yelling): Mommy! Mommy!
Carol: I’m in here sweetheart, in your room.
Cindy (running in the room): Mommy, Mommy guess what. They made me crossing guard for a whole week.
Carol: Sweetheart, that’s wonderful. And that’s a very important job. Oh, i’m so proud of you.
Cindy: And guess who I beat out, guess who!
(Bobby comes in the room crying)
Carol: I don’t have to guess. (to Bobby) Oh, sweetheart.