Written by Brad Radnitz
The boys trick the girls to think the house is roaming with ghosts. The girls get even with a similar trick. Hope you enjoy the script.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(The episode begins with Mike and Carol in the family room. Carol is working on a bust, with Mike as the model. Mike, however, is falling asleep.)
Carol: Honey, your head is drooping.
Carol: I said your head is drooping.
Mike: Sweetheart, all of me is drooping. Even Michael Angelo went to bed. I thought your sculpture class exhibit was on Saturday.
Carol: It is, honey. But it will take a whole day to bake your head in the kiln. It has to be fired.
Mike: Yeah, listen, if I don’t get up in the morning and finish that design, my boss is gonna fire me.
Carol (reluctant): Okay, you promise you’ll pose tomorrow?
Mike: Yes, I promise.
Carol (examining the bust): Gee, it’s beginning to look like a real head.
Mike: Yeah, whose.
(She gets a little irked, then they kiss )
(Next, the girls are in their room sleeping. Cindy and Jan are awakened by a noise coming outside from the window.,)
Jan (frightened): Somebody’s in the attic.
Cindy: What could it be?
Jan: I don’t know.
(Jan sees something resembling a ghost. She screams and points at it. She and Cindy look in terror and Marcia wakes up. The scene fades.)
(The next scene picks up, where Mike and Carol come in the girls’ room to see what’s causing the yelling and screaming.)
Carol: What is the matter?
Cindy: We thought we saw a ghost.
Jan: It was right outside the window.
Cindy: It was dancing in the tree?
Carol: Calm down, it’ll be all right.
Marcia: I didn’t see a thing, Dad.
Cindy: It was the biggest ghost you ever saw.
Mike: Well, I think it was a probably just the moonlight shining in the trees.
Jan: No, Dad. We heard it too. It was walking around in the attic first.
Carol: Oh, honey. On a dark, windy night, your imagination can play all sorts of tricks on you.
Marcia: I didn’t hear a thing, Mom.
Jan: Well, we did. You were asleep while it was walking around.
Carol (skeptical): Walking, sleeping, Mike that was a very energetic ghost. I wonder why we can’t see it or hear it now.
Cindy: It’s probably back in the attic, resting.
Mike: Well, there’s one way to find out. Go up in the attic and take a look.
Cindy (afraid): No, not me. I’ll wait till morning.
Mike: Kids, how many times have I told you? There’s no such thing as ghosts.
(He gets up to go up to the attic. Alice suddenly comes in and gives him a scare.)
Alice: What’s the matter, Mr. Brady?
Mike (startled): It’s all right, Alice. Kids just thought they saw a ghost outside.
Alice: Oh, ghosts are no such thing, kids.
Cindy: We saw it, Alice. Honest.
Alice: Well maybe I left one of my nightgowns hanging on the wash line. That would scare anybody in the dark.
Carol (getting up): Oh, well, everything is under control now, Alice. Thanks for checking.
Mike (to Carol): Let’s have a look in the attic.
Carol: Yeah, you kids go on to bed. We’ll take care of it.
(They go out into the hall, where they see Greg and Bobby..)
Greg (tired): What’s happening, Dad?
Mike: Nothing, boys. The girls just had a little scare.
Bobby: Are they okay?
Carol,: Yeah, they’re fine. Go on back to bed.
(They head to the attic while the boys go in the room. Peter has a sheet on, dressed like a ghost. They all laugh.)
Greg (laughing): We scared ’em.
Bobby: Yeah, didn’t you hear them scream?
(Mike and Carol are up in the attic.)
Carol: Now, I wonder who could’ve left this window open.
(They notice a rocking chair next to the window.)
Carol: Hey, look.
Mike: I think we found our ghost
(Down in the girls’ room, they explain to the girls what they found.)
Marcia: Well, what did you find?
Mike: Nothing. The creaking you heard was the rocking chair.
Jan: Yeah, but who was in it?
Cindy: How do you know?
Carol: Well, the seat was all covered with dust.
Cindy: Ghosts don’t leave any marks when they sit down. Everybody knows that.
Mike: Okay, girls, there is nothing in the attic, and there’s nothing in the trees outside. So let’s all go back to sleep, huh.
Carol: Right, and dream of nice things.
(She kisses Cindy and Mike kisses Marcia good night. They get up and head to their room.)
Carol: Good night, girls.
Marcia: Good night.
Carol: See you in the morning.
Jan: Good night.
(They overhear the boys’ laughter in their room.)
Mike: You know, I think our ghosts are in there.
Carol: All three of them.
(They go in their room. Cut back to the girls’ room.)
Marcia: You know what, I bet we won’t see any more ghosts tonight.
Jan: What makes you so sure?
Marcia: I have a feeling they all gone to sleep.
Cindy: In the attic?
Marcia: No, across the hall. Greg, Peter and Bobby. I bet they rigged up this whole thing.
Jan: You’re right. They’re always playing tricks on us.
Cindy: Those monsters. Are you sure?
Marcia: Tomorrow we’ll do a little detective work and I bet we can prove this whole thing.
Jan: That’s right. We don’t have any ghosts in our house, we have three rats.
(Cindy nods. The next day, they go into the boys’ room to find some clues.)
Marcia: Jan, you look in the closet. Cindy, you check under the beds and I’ll take the dresser drawers.
Jan: What are we looking for?
Marcia: I’m not sure, but I bet we’ll find it.
Cindy: Hey, I found something.
(She pulls something out from under Greg’s bed.)
Marcia: What’s the slide projector doing under Greg’s bed?
Jan: It’s usually in the family room.
Marcia: Hey, there’s a slide in it. (They see a picture of a ghost) Look at this.
Jan: It’s somebody with a sheet over his head.
Cindy: Yeah, it’s one of the boys under a sheet.
Marcia: So, that’s how they did it. They aimed this projector out of the window on to the tree.
Jan: That’s our ghost. Peter with a sheet.
Cindy: But how do you explain the creaking in the attic?
Marcia: It still could’ve been the rocking chair. The boys could’ve moved it down here with this rope.
Marcia: Well, (she goes to the chair at the desk) Let’s say this is the rocking chair (she ties a rope to the chair) And they did this. (She rocks it) And it would rock. And when they finished, the rope would disappear.
Cindy: That’s really smart.
Cindy: Dirty, but smart.
Marcia: Dirty is right. We got to get back at them for what they did.
Jan: Yeah, give them a dose of their own medicine.
(The next scene has Alice going into the family room with dessert for Mike and Carol, who are still working on Carol’s bust.)
Alice: Excuse me, folks. I hate to disturb the artist at work, but you left the dinner table before dessert.
Carol: No thanks, Alice. Not for me.
Mike: Yeah, well, I’ll have mine. (She goes to him so he can take it) Mmm hmm.
Alice (to Carol): Oh boy, that’s coming along just fine. (the bust)
Carol: Oh, thanks.
Alice: Whoever that is.
(She leaves and Mike takes a taste of his dessert. Carol tries to work on the bust some more.)
Carol: Mike, would you hold your mouth still, please.
.Mike: Why don’t you work on the forehead.
Carol: Honey, I have to work on the whole face at the same time.
Mike: Do it here.
(He turns his face sideways.)
Carol: Oh, Mike, please.
Mike: Listen, I thought it was the artist who was supposed to starve, not the model. (He raised the dessert dish) I’ll give you a bite.
Carol: No, thank you.
(Alice goes out to the living room, where all the kids are sitting at the table. She gives all them their desserts.)
Greg: Here it is.
(They all get excited over Alice’s dessert. She goes around the table to give to all the kids.,)
Marcia: Are you still scared, Cindy?
Cindy: Boy, I don’t think I wanna go to sleep tonight.
Peter: How come?
Jan: Because of that ghost. I think we oughtta lock our windows and doors.
Alice: I think you girls are scaring yourselves more than that non-existent ghost did. No such thing as ghosts, right fellas.
(They all agree.)
Marcia: Just the same, I’ll never go in that attic again.
Cindy: Me neither. Not with that ghost around.
Peter (joking): Maybe we oughtta charge them rent.
(He and the boys laugh.)
Jan: I’ll bet you guys wouldn’t go up in the attic.
Greg (laughing): She’s putting us on.
Jan: At night?
Cindy: With all the lights out?
Bobby: Any time.
Marcia: I’ll bet you guys wouldn’t.
Greg: I’ll bet we would.
Marcia: Okay. I’ll bet you my allowance you guys aren’t brave enough to go up there and spend the night.
Jan: Me too.
Cindy: Me too.
Peter: You’re kidding.
Bobby: Your whole allowance?
Greg: I’m not afraid of any ghosts in the attic. Are you guys?
Peter: No way. It sounds like easy money to me.
Bobby: Me too
Greg: Okay, our allowance against yours, we won’t spend the night in the attic.
Marcia: All three of you, all night.
(They all agree and shake on it.)
Marcia: Alice will hold the money.
(The boys go to ask the parents permission to sleep in the attic that night.)
Greg: Is it okay?
Carol: I don’t know.
Mike: Whose idea was it?
Bobby: The girls. What a cinch bet.
Peter: And it’s for their own good. If we survive, they’ll know the attic isn’t haunted.
Carol: Isn’t that heroic of them. And whose gonna help the girls get over their disappointment when they lose their allowance?
Greg: Poorer, but wiser, which is more important?
Mike: Yeah, well, what do you say, honey?
Greg: Come on.
Carol: Since tomorrow isn’t a school day, okay.
(They get excited and thank the parents. Then they leave the family room.)
Carol: That’ll give the girls a chance to get even.
Mike: Yeah, I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but you can count on it.
(That night, the guys are up in the attic, with Alice helping them.)
Alice: Okay, guys, that oughtta do it.
Greg: Thanks, Alice.
Alice: Well, I sure say the girls made a sucker bet.
Bobby: Yeah, we should have betted our allowances for a whole year.
Peter: I can count the money now.
Alice: Well, good night, guys. (She puts her arms to resemble a ghost) And don’t be afraid of things that go bump in the night.
Peter: Good night, Alice.
(She turns the light out and leaves the attic.)
Peter: Okay, ghosts, come and get us.
(They all laugh.)
(Bobby pretends to be scared. Alice comes down the stairs as the girls watch.)
Cindy: They’re all up there.
Jan: All seems a go.
Marcia: You mean all seems a ghost.
(They laugh and shut their bedroom door. The scene fades.)
(In the next scene, the boys are sleeping soundly in the attic when suddenly, the trunk starts to open and a voice starts speaking. It turns out to be Marcia, who made a tape.)
Marcia: I feel warm. I feel very warm. Air, I must have air. (Bobby makes a sound) Let me out. I must get out.
Peter (tired): Get out and be quiet.
Peter: I said go to sleep and be quiet.
Bobby: What are you yelling about. I am asleep.
Peter: Then stop talking in your sleep.
Marcia: I’m burning up. I’ve got to get out.
Peter (waking up): Bobby, stop blabbering!
Bobby: I’m not blabbering!
Marcia: I must have air. Give me air.
Peter: Did you hear that?
Bobby: I thought it was you.
(The trunk opens and Marcia makes moaning sounds.)
Marcia: Get me out. I’m burning up. I must rise and walk tonight. (The trunk opens all the way and a body of plastic comes out) I’m free. I’m free at last.
(Peter and Bobby panic and wake up Greg.)
Greg (waking up): What’s going on?
(Peter and Bobby scurry downstairs while Greg looks to see what the scam is. Carol and Mike hear it from their room.)
Carol: Well, here it is. Round 2 of the battle of the ghosts.
(Peter and Bobby are downstairs.)
Bobby: Boy, that was close.
Peter: Where’s Greg? Greg! Are you still in there?
(Mike and Carol come out in the hall.)
Mike: Boys, boys, what’s going on?
Bobby: There’s a ghost in the attic.
(They explain about the plastic in the trunk and the voice and Marcia comes out.)
Marcia: What are you guys doing down here?
Bobby: Safer down here than it is up there.
Marcia: You lost a bet. You didn’t stay up there all night.
Peter: Who cares about losing a bet. We may have lost a brother.
Mike: Okay, kids. Ghost time is over. Go on.
Carol: Good. Come on.
(Mike and Carol go up to the attic with Marcia. Mike makes Bobby and Peter come along. Greg is up there and exposes the trick.)
Greg: Wrapping paper. Two fishlines. They go over the beam, out the window and down to the girls’ room.
Peter: then how did they get the voice in the trunk.
Carol: Ah, (she finds something) Tape recorder.
Marcia: We ran the line down to our room and we turned it on when we were ready.
Mike: Very ingenious.
Bobby: That’s no fair, you tricked us.
Marcia: Well, you tricked us.
Mike: Okay, everybody’s even. Jokes over.
Carol: Yeah, fun is fun. But when you carry a joke too far, someone may end up getting hurt.
Mike: I want everyone to promise me, there’s gonna be no more scaring each other, okay?
Greg (bitterly): The girls will get our allowances.
Carol: May I remind you of your famous quote? Poorer, but wiser, which is more important.
Greg: Zapped again.
(The next day, Alice gives Marcia the allowances she and the girls’ won.)
Marcia: Thanks, Alice.
Alice: I said all along, it’s a sucker’s bet.
Greg: You said they were making the sucker’s bet.
Alice: Anybody who believes in ghosts is a sucker.
Marcia: Alice, aren’t you scared of anything?
Greg: Oh, come on, what about horror movies and vampires?
Alice: Oh, vampires give me a pain in the neck. Oh, that’s pretty good.
Marcia: What about werewolves?
Alice: All bark, no bite. Boy, Alice, when you’re hot, you’re hot.
(She walks away laughing at her jokes.)
Marcia (to Greg): I don’t believe her.
Greg: Me neither. I’ll bet if she saw something really scary, she’d break the record for the mile run. (He gets an idea) Hey.
Greg: Want to try to make her run?
Marcia: We promised Mom and Dad no more scaring.
Greg: We promised we wouldn’t scare each other, we didn’t say anything about Alice.
(They gloat at their suggestion. The next day, Alice gets a call from Sam.)
Alice (picking up the phone): Brady residence. Oh, hi Sam. Sure, I’d love to go to a movie tonight. Which one? Well, if it’s my choice, I’ll pick the drive-in movie where we both seen the movie. Okay, bye, Sam.
(She hangs up. Carol comes in with the bust covered in plastic.)
Carol: Hi, Alice.
Alice: Oh, Mrs. Brady, I didn’t hear you drive up. Let me give you a hand.
(She takes the bust and helps Carol place it on the table.)
Carol: Oh, thanks.
Alice: Oh, you finished Mr. Brady’s head.
Carol: Fresh out of the oven.
Alice: It looks more like it’s fresh out of the hospital.
Carol: Let’s take it in the living room, okay?
Alice: Mrs. Brady, if you don’t have anything for me to do tonight, I’d like to go to a movie with Sam.
Carol: Oh, sure. Mr. Brady and I are going to the sculpture exhibit. Careful now.
(They move the bust and Greg and Peter emerge from the family room.)
Greg (laughing): Perfect. Mom and Dad will be gone all evening and Alice will be out for a couple of hours.
Peter: That gives us plenty of time. Wait till Alice gets back.
Greg: Let’s see how she really acts with ghosts.
(Later on, Mike and Carol are ready to leave.)
Marcia: Have a good time.
Jan: I hope you win.
Marcia: Yes, good bye.
Mike: Now listen, if you need anything, Alice is at the movies and your mother and I are at the exhibit.
Carol: Bye now, be nice to one another. Don’t fight.
Mike: And don’t tear up the house.
Greg: Right, Dad. Good-bye.
(The kids all say good-bye as the parents walk out the door.)
Greg (to Marcia and Jan): Let’s get ready for Alice.
Marcia: Boy, if Mom and Dad ever find out.
Greg: There’s no way. Alice’s movie is over at 9:15. Mom and Dad won’t be back till way after that.
Marcia: And Alice sure wouldn’t tell on us.
Greg: She couldn’t. When we get through with her, she’ll be speechless.
(Greg shows Bobby a skeleton head.)
Greg: How does it look?
Bobby: Real creepy.
Greg (laughing): This oughtta flip Alice out.
(Meanwhile, Marcia and Jan are working on rigging up a ghost.)
Marcia: Okay, give me the sheet.
(Marcia stuffs something inside the sheet. They put eyes and a nose on it.)
Marcia: Boy, this is gonna scare her. (They finish the eyes and nose) Okay, how does that look?
Jan: It looks a little long.
Marcia: of course. You ever seen a ghost in a mini-sheet?
(Now, Peter has Cindy scream into a tape recorder. She lets out an eerie, bloodcurdling sound.)
Peter: Okay, one more time. (She lets out another scream) That’s enough.
Cindy: Boy, I scream great. I almost scared myself.
(We next see the kids in the living room. They all rigging up the entire scheme.)
Marcia: This is really gonna work out great.
(Greg calls up to Peter, whose at the top of the stairs.)
Greg: Okay, hurry up!
(Peter hammers a nail in the wall.)
Peter: Okay, it’s all tied up. Bring her up.
(The other kids push the ghost up the stairs. Jan and Marcia bring it up.)
Jan: This thing even looks spooky going up in the light.
Marcia: Wait till Alice sees it going down in the dark.
(Greg tells Marcia, Jan and Bobby what happens next.)
Greg: Okay, Alice comes in, and the room is dark. The lights won’t work, so, she heads for the fuse box like this. (He goes over to Peter and Cindy) When she gets just about here, I hit the skull light.
Peter: And I turn on the switch, and my scream goes off.
Cindy: You mean my scream.
Greg: Alice turns towards the screams like this.
Marcia: And we let the ghosts down the stairs.
Bobby: Boy, I wish it was happening to me.
Greg: Okay, now, everyone in their places. We’ve spun our web, all we have to do is wait for the fly.
(Later on, Greg, Bobby and Cindy are behind a chair with the lighted skull. Peter is behind the stairs with his tape recorder with Cindy’s scream and Marcia and Jan are up the stairs with the ghost. Carol and Mike are outside, getting ready to come in the door.)
Carol: I hope the kids are still up so I can show them my ribbon.
Mike: They’re probably in bed. All the lights are out.
Carol: Well, they couldn’t have been in bed long. It’s still early.
(Cindy starts to laugh when they hear the parents about to come in. Greg and Bobby cover her mouth.)
Greg: Here comes Alice.
(The parents come in and the kids all do what they planned.)
Carol: Guess who’s at it again.
Greg: Oh, no. It’s Mom and Dad.
Bobby: Boy, are we in for it.
(Mike puts the bust down.)
Mike: I better go fix the lights, so we can see who to yell at.
(They walk by and all the other kids show worried looks. Alice comes in and sees the bust. She mistakens it for an intruder.)
Alice: Who’s that? Is somebody there?
(She takes a swing at the bust. it falls down and breaks, to everyone’s amazement. She turns on the lights and notices what she has done. Mike and Carol come out.)
Carol: Oh, no!
Mike: Is that the bust?
Carol: Mike’s head.
Alice: Mrs. Brady, I’m sorry, it looked like a real man there in the dark.
Mike: It wasn’t your fault, Alice. (He asks bitterly) Was it, kids?
Greg: No, sir. we had it all rigged up to scare her.
Carol: Like I said, if you carry a joke too far, somebody might get hurt.
Peter: We never thought it’d be Dad’s head.
Jan: Gee, it won a prize, too.
Carol: Well, so much for third place.
Mike: All right, all right. That does it. Everybody upstairs, no allowance for 2 weeks, and that goes for all of you.
(The kids all go up the stairs with the parents following them.)
Bobby: There goes my model airplane.
Marcia: I guess we deserve it.
(Mike sees the ghost they use and investigates it.)
Carol (angry): That’s one of my good sheets!
(She makes an angry gesture. The next morning, she and Mike are having breakfast in the kitchen.)
Mike: That’s my jelly bread.
Alice: More coffee, anybody? (They decline) I feel so guilty about what happened last night, folks.
Carol: Alice, don’t worry about it. You’ll both be happy to know I’m starting a new project today.
(Bobby and Cindy come out with the repaired bust.)
Bobby: We fixed it.
Cindy: We put Dad back together.
Carol: Hey. (She notices it wasn’t a perfect job) Well, thanks for trying.
Mike: It looks the way I sometimes feel when I get up in the morning.
Carol: Yes it does.
(The scene fades.)
The final scene has Mike coming home and looking for Carol.)
Mike: Hi, honey. (Carol doesn’t respond) Carol! Alice!
(He finds them in the family room.)
Carol: In here, honey.
(She’s working on another bust with Alice as the model.)
Mike (laughing): Alice, what are you supposed to be?
Alice: I am a classical Greek, Mr. Brady.
Carol: I’m starting a new project.
Carol: Yeah, I’m sculpting a Greek statue.
Mike: What’s it for?
Carol: It’s for the backyard. I’m gonna put a large bowl under it. Then I can use it for 1 or 2 things.
Mike: Such as?
Carol: Well, for one, a birdbath.
(Mike laughs in disbelief.)
Mike: A birdbath? What else?
Alice: Well, if I pucker up, I can be a fountain.
(She does so and Mike and Carol laugh.)