S5 E8 My Brother’s Keeper

My Brother’s Keeper

Written by Michael Morris

Bobby saves Peter’s life and Peter becomes his slave. Hope you enjpy the script.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

MIKE BRADY

CAROL BRADY

ALICE NELSON

GREG BRADY

MARCIA BRADY

PETER BRADY

JAN BRADY

BOBBY BRADY

CINDY BRADY

(The episode begins with Peter gardening in the backyard and Greg on a ladder painting a shutter.)

Peter: Hey Greg, you sure you wouldn’t want to trade jobs?

Greg: Aha, you stick with your green thumb and I’ll do likewise with the green paint.

Alice (calling): Telephone Greg.

Greg: Who is it?

Alice: Well, I’m not sure. The name is Joe but the voice is soprano.

Greg: Must be Jaonne. I’ll take it up here.

(Bobby takes the trash out while Peter speaks to the plants.)

Peter (to the plant): Hey, you’re Wilton. Listen, either you striaghten up your place she loves me, she loves me not with your petals.

Bobby: Who are you talking to?

Peter: This flower, it makes them grow better. Did you know a lot of people talk to flowers?

Bobby: Yeah, but you’re the only one who thinks he gets answers.

Peter: that’s fuynny.

(He grabs the hose to water the flowers and accidentally knocks over the ladder with the paint. It falls in his direction.)

(He pushes Pete rout of the way and steps back. The open can of paint spills all over him. Peter notices the plants are crushed.)

Peter: Those pots! They could’ve been my head!

Bobby: Who cares about the dumb old pots! look at me!

Peter: Bobby, you saved my life. (He shakes his hand) Thanks, I owe you my life.

Bobby: Forget it!

Peter: No way, somehow, someway, I’m gonna pay you back for this.

(The scene fades.)

(In the next scene, Alice runs outside.)

Alice: What happened?

Greg (from the uostairs window): Hey, which one of you clowns knocked over my paint?

(Mike comes running out.)

Mike: Oh, no. You hurt?

Bobby: No, just green.

Peter: Dad, that ladder wa sheading straight for my head, and Bobby pushed me out of the way, at the risk of his own life. (to Bobby) I’ll never forget it. Never.

Mike: Well, welcome to our planet. With this water base, I better hose you down.

Peter: I’m really shook with that brush with death. Bobby’s a real hero.

Mike: Peter, would you go up to your room?

Peter: Okay.

Alice: I’ll fill up the bathtub, Mr. Brady. Would you please send me up whatever’s left?

Bobby: You better hurry, Dad, feels like I’m beginning to harden.

Mike: Okay.

(He turns th ehose on and sprays Bobby down. Carol and the girls come back.)

Mike (to Bobby): Close your eyes and your mouth.

Marcia: Looks like Greg painted Bobby instead of the shutter.

Carol: What in the world?

(The girls all laugh.)

Cindy: Hey, it’s the jolly green midget.

Jan: He looks like a leprechaun with a skin condition.

Bobby: Very funny.

Carol: Mike, what happened?

Mike: The ladder fell under with the paint bucket on it and guess who was under it.

Bobby: Hurry up, Dad, I’m freezing.

Carol: Mike, I better get him into a hot bath.

Bobby: If being a hero means extra baths, forget it.

(Next, Carol comes into Peter’s room. he is sititng at his desk writing.)

Carol: Hello, Peter. Glad to see you doing homework.

Peter: This isn’t my homework. I’m making out my will.

Carol: Your will?

Peter: I’m leaving all my earthly possessions to Bobby for saving my life.

Carol: Well, that’s very sweet of you, Peter.

Peter: If it wasn’t for Bobby’s bravery, I wouldn’t be talking to you. This will is the least I can do.

Carol: By the way, where is your beneficiary?

Peter: Oh, he’s still in the tub.

(Carol goes in the bathroom to see how Bobby is doing.)

Carol: Hi.

Bobby: I guess I looked pretty weird, didn’t I.

Carol: No, not for a creature from the green lagoon. I think you’ve been in there long enough. Dinner’s just about ready, and Alice has fixed something really special for our hero. Okay.

(Cut to downstairs, the rest of the family is at the dinner table. The girls are discussing what to do with their room.)

Cindy: I still say the flowered wallpaper is the prettiest for our room.

Jan: Cindy, when it comes to interior decorating, you make a good lumberjack. I like the stripes.

Marcia: You make it two lumberjacks. You know, I read a book on color psychology, and thye say the earth colors are very restful.

Greg: Sure, if you’re being buried.

Jan: Marcia, we can’t have a lot of browns and blacks in our room.

(The girls then start to argue. Mike clinks on his glass.)

Mike: Hold it, girls. Look, I have agreed to re-paper your bedroom, but only in one pattern, right.

Carol: Yes, and you better agree on one pretty fast or we’re gonna forget about it.

Peter: You waste all your prescious time arguing about insignificant things. Wallpaper’s so unmeaningful in the scheme of things.

Mike: What scheme of things were you referring to, Peter?

Peter: Life. Have you ever stopped to consider the value of one’s life? To one’s existence?

Greg: Without life, you’re dead.

(He laughs out loud. Carol, Mike and the girls all join in.)

Peter: Sure, go ahead and laugh. You guys haven’t been at death’s door.

Marcia (laughing): You haven’t even mad eit to the front porch.

Carol: Peter, aren’t you taking that near miss this morning just a little seriously?

Peter (dramatically): Oh, mother, mother, mother, you don’t know how it feels to be snatched form the jaws of doom and be given a new chance at life.

(Bobby comes down to join the family.)

Bobby: Sorry I’m late, I took such a long bath I’m like a wrinkled prune.

(Pete rgets up.)

Peter: Have a seat, pal.

Bobby: Thanks, Peter.

(Alice comes out with the dinner.)

Alice: The all-American dish for the all-American hero. (They all cheer) Hungarian goulash.

Cindy: Since when is Hungarian goulash American?

Alice: Since Zsa Zsa Gabor became a citizen. (They all laugh) And I would’ve whipped up a medal too but all the gold went to buy meat.

(Peter clinks on his glass. he stands up and raises it.)

Peter: I’d like to propose a toast to the bravest person in the world.

Mike: I’ll toast him, who is he?

Peter: My brother Bobby.

(They all raise their glasses for Bobby.)

Bobby: Peter, it’s nice to know you think I’m so brave, but honest…

Peter: Let me finish. I wanna make a solemn promise, and you’re all my witnesses, that I’m gonna be worthy of the life Bobby’s given back to me.

Greg: Here’s to Bobby.

Peter: And also, that I, Peter Brady, am going to be Bobby Brady’s slave for life.

Mike: Well, I don’t think you have to go that far, Peter.

Bobby: Me either, but if that’s what he wants.

(The next scene has Bobby in his room shining his shoes. Peter enters and grabs the shoes.)

Peter: Oh no you don’t.

Bobby: What are you doing?

Peter: I’m polishing your shoes, that’s what I’m doing. And I’m gonna do it every day for you.

Bobby: You don’t have to do that.

Peter: I owe you. Go do something you enjoy.

Bobby: Thanks, Peter, that’s really nice of you.

Peter: It’s nothing, If it wasn’t for you, instead of polishing these shoes, I’d be polishing my heart at the pearly gates.

(Bobby reads a magaziner and Pete rstarts to whistle. Bobby looks at him annoyed.)

Peter: Oh, sorry about that, pal.

Bobby: It’s okay.

Peter: No, it’s really inconsiderate of me to whistle while you’re trying to read. I won’t do it again.

Bobby: I didn’t really want to read anyway.

(He goes to get his radio.)

Peter: How’s that?

Bobby: You missed a spot right there.

Peter: Oh, right, right, I’ll get that. Sorry about that.

(Bobby turns on the radio and gets upset over the static.)

Bobby: Darn this radio. All I get is static.

Peter: Leave it to me. I’ll fix it right after I finish these shoes. (Cindy knocks on the door) I’ll get it.

Cindy: Barbara wants you on the phone.

Peter: What does she want?

Cindy: She says her party started half an hour ago, and where are you?

Peter: Oh, well tell her i can’t make it. Something much more important came up.

Cindy: Okay, but she’ll be mad.

Bobby: Peter, you don’t have to cancel a party, just for me.

Peter: Bobby, how can I enjoy a dumb old party knowing that the person who saved my life is sitting home with a bad case of static.

(We take you to the girls’ room. The girls have a wallpaper picked out and Mike comes in to inspect.)

Mike: Mom tells me you finally chose your wallpaper.

Jan: Yeah, Dad, here it is.

Marcia: It was unaminous.

Mike: Hey, that’s terrific. How did you all mange to agree?

Cindy: We didn’t.

Mike: You just said it was unaminous.

Jan: Well, it was unaminous that we flip a coin for it.

Mike: Oh, I see. well, that’s the democratic way. Well, tomorrow I’ll round up the boys and we’ll get started.

Marcia: Great. You won’t get Peter to help, though. He’s too busy being Bobby’s slave.

Jan: Yeah, Bobby saved Peter’s life and now Peter is working himself to death.

(Meanwhile. Peter is outside working on a go-cart. Bobby comes by.)

Bobby: That’s really great. Can I ride it sometime?

Peter: Sometime? All the time. I’m making it for you pal.

Bobby: Me? How come?

Peter: He saves my life and asks how come.

Bobby: That’s really great of you, Pete. But honest, you don’t have to.

Peter: But I do.

Bobby: No you don’t.

Peter: Bobby, I do.

Bobby: Well, if you insist.

(Later on, Bobby is reading in the family room and the phone rings.)

Carol (from the kitchen): Bobby, honey, will you get that for me please?

Bobby: yeah. (phone rings again. Bobby answers) Hello. Oh, hi, Steve. No, I can’t make it to the ball game. Well, sure I’m loyal to the team but, I got some work to do around the house. (He sees Peter coming) Hey, hold on a minute, Steve. (He notices Peter hurt his thumb) Something wrong with your thumb?

Peter (bitterly): Yeah, I was working on your go cart and I smashed it with a hammer.

Bobby: Well, I guess that rules out the favor I was gonna ask.

Peter: What favor?

Bobby: No, I couldn’t ask a guy with a sore thumb, even if I did save his life.

Peter: Go ahead, ask me.

Bobby: No, it just wouldn’t be right after you polished my shoes, made my bed, cleaned out my closet, fixed my radio, oiled my bike, took out the trash for me an dall those other things.

Peter (upset): Will you ask me?

Bobby: Well, Steve wants me to watch him pitch against the wooden wolves. But it’s my turn to clip the stupid hedges. And if you could (Pause) No, it just wouldn’t be fair for you to be clipping the hedges while I’m sitting in the ballgame eating hot dogs and snowcones.

Peter: I’d clip the stupid hedges but I got a date with Barbara, whose party I missed because of you.

Bobby: Oh, well, it’s okay Pete, I understand. You don’t have to clip the stupid hedges just because I saved your life.

Peter (annoyed): Okay, I’ll cancel Barbara again and clip the stupid hedges!

Bobby: You don’t have to if you really don’t wan tto.

Peter: I want to, I want to, as soon as I take care of my thumb!

9He goes into the kitchen.)

Carol: Peter, let me see that. Honey, you better soak that in cold water untuil the swelling goes down.

(Bobby gets back on the phone.)

Bobby: Got it all worked out. Meet you in the park. Bye.

(He hangs up and heads to the park.)

Bobby: See you later, Mom.

Carol: Bobby. You have really been running Peter ragged. Don’t you think you might be overdoing a bad thing?

Bobby: Oh no, Mom, Peter’s enjoying every minute of it.

(Later on, Peter is in the bathroom nursing his injured knee. Greg comes by.)

Greg: What happened to you?

Peter: I was clipping the stupid hedges and I fell into the rosebush.

Greg: I thought it was Bobby’s turn to clip the stupid hedges.

Peter: It was, but I volunteered.

Greg: You volunteered or were you drafted?

Peter: What’s the difference?

Greg: Look, I’ve seen what’s going on, Bobby’s making a pigeon out of you.

Peter: I’d rather not talk about it.

Greg: Okay, but it’s your wings that are getting clipped.

(Peter goes into his room and notices Bobby’s shoes on the floor. He angrily kicks them out of his way. Then he goes an dlies on his bed. Bobby enters.)

Bobby: Hey Pete, Steve clobbered them. He pitched a two-hitter and won 14-13.

Peter: How did they get 13 runs in a two-hitter?

Bobby: Steve gave them a few walks. (He grabs a chair and sits down next to Peter) The coach was Mr. Ellis.

Peter: So.

Bobby: He’s the circulation manager for a magazine. They’re having a big contest. The guy who sells the most subscriptions wins a surfboard.

Peter: So.

Bobby: One thing I’d really like is a surfboard.

Peter: Lots of luck.

Bobby: I don’t stand a chance of winning alone.

Peter (annoyed): If that’s a hint, I got more important things to do than sell magazine subscripions!

Bobby: You got time to lay on your bed doing nothing.

Peter (getting up): Doing nothing? I’m wiped out from doing all the work here for you, and besides that, Barbara’s not even speaking to me anymore.

Bobby: it was your idea. (He mimics Peter) I, Peter Brady, am your slave for life. Isn’t that what you said?

Peter (bitterly): Okay, I’ll help you sell magazinre subscriptions!

Bobby: No! Not if you’re gonna be mad about it!

Peter (shouting): I’m not mad!

Bobby: You’re mad, and I’m not gonna accept any more favors unless you do it with a smile on your face.

Peter: I’m smiling, see!

(He fakes a smile.)

Bobby: That’s not a smile smile. Forget I saved your life!

Peter: You want to know the truth, I’m sorry I saved your life! Selfish people like you isn’t living!

Bobby: Talk about ungrateful! That’s how you feel stay away from falling ladders when I’m around, because I’m not gonna be around.

Peter: Great, because I got nothing more to say to you for the rest of my life!

Bobby: And I got nothing more to say to you for the rest of my life!

Peter: Fine, and you know somethiong else, I’m writing you out of my will.

(The scene fades.)

(The next scene has Peter sitting down for breakfast in the kitchen. Alice is making a new cereal for him.)

Peter: What kind of cereal is this?

Alice: Well, it’s something new we’re trying. Instead of popping, cracking and exploding, it just lays there and tastes good.

(Bobby and Cindy come in.)

Cindy: Boy, I’m starved this morning.

Alice: Two glasses of cal juice, two bowls of cereal coming right up.

Bobby: Forget me, Alice. I’m particular who I eat with.

Peter: And I just lost my appetite.

(Bobby goes into the family room an dPeter goes the other way. He sees Carol.)

Carol: Hi, Mom.

Carol: Hi, Peter.

Alice: I bring you the latest war bulletin, Mrs. Brady. All is quiet on the western front.

Carol: Oh, did Peter and Bobby make up?

Alice: No, all is quiet because they’re not speaking to each other.

Carol: Oh, but let me tell you something, Alice, if those boys don’t make up pretty soon, we’re gonna start a counter attack on their rear blank.

(We take you to the girls’ room. mike and Greg are helping them plaster for the new wallpaper.)

Mike: Listen, you guys, just plaster the holes, not the spots. Okay.

Cindy: This is hard work.

Greg: We just got started.

Jan: Good time to remember to do homework.

Greg: Hey, no goofing off.

Marcia: Okay, I just want to ask Dad one question.

Greg: Yeah, what’s that?

Marcia: How long before we take a coffee break?

(They laugh.)

Mike: Never mind, just plaster.

(Bobby comes in.)

Bobby: Greg.

Greg: yeah.

Bobby: Can I talk to you for a second?

Greg: Sure.

(They go outside in the hall.)

Bobby: I just wanted to ask you…

Greg: Sorry, Bobby, you can’t move into my room with me.

Bobby: How did you know I was gonna ask that?

Greg: Because Peter asked me the same question before you did.

Bobby: Well I’d be a lot better roommate than that ungrateful creep.

Greg: Bobby, Pete is very grateful for what you did. Let’s face it, you used him.

Bobby: Well, I saved his life, didn’t I.

Greg: Look, I’m not gonna argue about it. You two are stuck with each other.

Bobby: Not if I can help it.

Greg: Well, you’re not moving in with me, so you better work out a peaceful co-existance.

(Greg goes back in the room.)

Bobby (to himself): Boy, nobody in this house has any respect for a hero.

(Next, Bobby is in his bedroom. He is at the desk writing and Peter comes in. He is putting nuts on his bed.)

Bobby: You’re just doing that to bug me.

Peter: I’m doing it because I happen to like nuts. If it bugs you, leave the room!

Bobby: It’s much my room as it is yours!

Peter: Hey, then you do your thing over there and I’ll do my thing over here! (He gets up and gets tape from his drawer) And just so there will be no misunderstandings, (he puts tape in the middle of the floor) this is your part of the room, and this is my part of the room. This is no-man’s land.

(Bobby stands out to where Pete ris taping and he tapes over Bobby’s shoes. Bobby turns on the radio and puts it where th etape is.)

Peter: Great! I love music!

(After a moment’s pause, he takes the TV and puts it down there to elevate the noise. Bobby unplugs it.)

Peter: Hey, plug that back in, it’s my TV set!

Bobby: It’s my outlet, and you want to know something else.

Peter: I can’t hear you through no-man’s land.

Bobby: Well you better listen a lot harder. because this will really interest you.

Peter: What?

Bobby: YThe bathroom is on my side of no-man’s land.

(He goes into the bathroom. This leaves Peter enraged.)

NOTE: This was the only BB episode where we heard a toilet flush. This happened right after Bobby went in the bathroom.

(Next, Mike puts up a part of the wallpaper in the girls’ room. The girls watch, as well as Greg and Alice.)

Mike: And, smooth it out, here it is. How do you like it, girls?

(They all give their approval.)

Alice: Very nice, Mr. Brady. Very, very nice.

(She takes a few steps back.)

Mike (yelling): Alice!

(They all stare at her and we find out she accidentally stepped in paint. They all laiugh.)

(Next, Bobby comes into the kitchen.)

Bobby: You want to play a game or something, Alice?

Alice: Oh, gee, I’m sorry Bobby, not tonight. I got to go to bed early. I didn’t sleep very well last night.

Bobby: Why not?

Alice: I stayed up half the night watching one of those TV horror movies. The demon that devoured Detroit. Gave both of us heartburn.

(She leaves and Bobby sees Greg.)

Bobby: Wanna watch some TV with me, Greg?

Greg: Sorry, I got a date. See you later.

(Bobby sees the girls all leaving.)

Bobby: Where are you going?

Marcia: We’re going to spend the night at my friend Helen’s house.

Bobby: How come?

Jan: That wallpaper paint made our room smell so icky.

Marcia: Have fun.

(They leave.)

Bobby (to himself): Yeah, whoopie.

(Mike and Carol leave as well.)

Mike: Good night, son.

Carol: Don’t stay up past yopur bedtime.

(She kisses him.)

Bobby: Might as well go to sleep right now. There’s nobody around here to do anything with.

Carol: Oh, now, Bobby, Peter’s home.

Bobby: that’s the same thing as being alone.

(Mike reaches for his caot in the closet.)

Mike: Bob, look, this has gone far enough. Now, I want you to go upstairs and make up with Peter right now.

Bobby: He’s the one thta should apologize to me.

Mike: Wrong. You’re the one who took advantage of the situation.

Carol: Right. Why don’t you go on upstairs tell Peter you’re sorry. Okay?

Bobby (after a pause): Okay.

Carol: Good night, sweetheart.

Bobby: Good night.

(Carol and Mike leave and Bobby goes upstairs. He comes in the room through the bathroom. Pete ris in there working on an airplane.)

Bobby: Pete, I just want to say I’m sorry.

Peter: I bet you are.

Bobby: I am. I apologize for saving your life.

Peter (in disbelief): You apologize for saving my life?

Bobby: Yeah. You see if I haven’t of, then, you wouldn’t have done me all those favors, and promised to be my slave for life, and you wouldn’t have quit in only a week, and you wouldn’t have gotten mad. So I’m sorry for saving your life.

Peter: That’s the crummiest apology I ever heard!

Bobby: It wasn’t crummy, I was being sincere!

Peter: Sincerely crummy!

Bobby: Well in that case, I take back my apology!

Peter: Good. Creep.

(An angry Bobby throws his pillow at Peter. He breaks Peter’s airplane.)

Peter (angry): Okay, now you’re gonna get it.

(Bobby starts to run toward the bathroom door but Peter cuts him off. Then he tries running out the other door but Peter gets in his way. Then Bobby locks himself in the closet. He breaks the door knob in the process.)

Peter: You can stay in ther eall night, for all I care!

(Bobby tries to fix the knob but then it falls off completely. He bangs on the door and yells for Peter.)

Bobby: Peter, the doorknob’s busted! Let me out! I’ll apologize again, better!

(Peter is downstairs on the phone with a friend.)

Peter: I’m sorry, Fred, but I got all night to shoot the breeze.

(Bobby is banging on the door, screaming for Peter.)

Bobby: Pete! Peter, you gotta let me out! (He continues banging) Peter!

(Peter is on the phone with another friend.)

Peter: Yeah, Ernie, I’d love to meet her. Uh, huh. Oh, yeah.

(He giggles and now Bobby is trying to force the door open himself.)

Bobby (screaming): Pete! Somebody, anybody, Let me out! (Pete comes in the room while Bobby continues to bang and yell for him to let him out. Peter opens the door.)

Bobby: Thanks, Pete.

(He shakes his hand.)

Peter: All I did was open the door.

Bobby: Yeah, you saved my life.

Peter: Stop overacting.

(He lays on the bed with Bobby’s pillow.)

Bobby: I’m not. I could have suffocated. You see.

(He pretends he wa sshort on breath.)

Peter (laughing): There’s plenty of air in there.

Bobby: Maybe but, what about the fire.

Peter: What fire?

Bobby: The one that starts from spontaneous combustions. We studied that in school.

Peter: You and your dumb imagination.

Bobby: You know, that can happen all the time. (He starts to get dramatic) Closet filled with smoke. There I am, choking to death. Can’t even scream for help. (He pretends he’s choking to death) I’m looking at the closet door. I’m trapped inside. Suddenly, you bust in and save me. You’re a real hero, Pete.

Peter: Come on.

Bobby: No, really, you saved my life.

Peter: If you insist.

Bobby: I insist.

Peter: Okay, then now, you’re my slave. You can start off by polishing my shoes…

Bobby: Nobody’s anybody’s slave. We saved each other, now we’re even.

Peter: I guess you’re right.

Bobby: I’m really sorry for taking advantage of you. Okay?

Peter: Okay. You’re back in my will.

(They shake hands and make up. The scene fades out.)

(The final scene has the girls’ room completed with the wallpaper.)

Mike: That is not bad if I say so myself.

(Carol and the girls all agree.)

Carol: Mike, you know, it is so beautiful, that I was thinking…

Mike: Oh, no, I remember last year when you started thinking after we painted our bedroom, you wanted to paint the bedrooms, wanted to paint the halls, you wanted to paint downstairs. Right?

Carol: Oh well, honey, in this case, after all, the bathroom is connected to the bedroom. And the hallway is connected to the bedroom. And…

Mike: You’re forgetting one thing.

Carol: What’s that.

Mike: This whole house is connected to my wallet.

Carol: Oh.

(The girls laugh.)

THE END

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